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Everything you've ever wanted is sitting on the other side of fear
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Summarized using AI

Everything you've ever wanted is sitting on the other side of fear

Hoa Newton • September 26, 2023 • online • Talk

In her talk titled "Everything You've Ever Wanted is Sitting on the Other Side of Fear," Hoa Newton addresses the importance of embracing fear to unlock one's potential in the ever-evolving tech industry. She emphasizes that the rapid pace of technological change can often lead to feelings of inadequacy and fear. Drawing from her personal journey, she highlights the transformative power of leaning into fear rather than avoiding it. The main points discussed include:

  • Understanding Fear: Fear is a common experience that affects individuals across various stages of their careers. Recognizing and acknowledging fear is the first step to overcoming it.
  • Personal Experience with Fear: Hoa shares a personal anecdote about a job interview during a challenging period in her life, which exemplifies how paralyzing fear can be.
  • Building Inner Strength: She suggests cultivating courage and bravery by stepping out of comfort zones, being authentic, and embracing vulnerability as a strength.
  • Practicing Self-Compassion: Hoa encourages developing a growth mindset where mistakes are seen as learning opportunities rather than failures.
  • Creating a Support System: Establishing trust with peers and creating a network of support is essential for overcoming fear and building resilience.
  • Marathon Analogy: She compares the ongoing process of confronting fear to training for a marathon, emphasizing the need for consistent practice and small victories.

The key takeaway from the talk is that by confronting fear and using it as a catalyst for growth, individuals can uncover opportunities for success and fulfillment in their professional lives. Hoa's message is clear: the journey through fear can lead to personal and professional empowerment, allowing individuals to thrive in the tech industry and beyond.

Everything you've ever wanted is sitting on the other side of fear
Hoa Newton • September 26, 2023 • online • Talk

The ever-changing, ever-evolving nature of the tech industry and its complexity make it such an exciting field to be in, but not without many challenges. Working in technology, we often have to stretch our limits, constantly learn new concepts, keep up with new technologies and methodologies. We constantly try to be better, more efficient, and do more... All of these often trigger fear. During my years of trying to figure out how to thrive at work, I have learned a few things that I am eager to share with you and to invite you on a journey of conquering fear to unlock your potential to succeed in the Tech industry.
https://www.wnb-rb.dev/meetups/2023/09/26

WNB.rb Meetup September 2023

00:00:00.719 hello everyone and thank you so much for joining me today in my talk uh with the
00:00:06.200 title everything you've ever wanted is sitting on the other side of fear um
00:00:11.599 Embrace fear to unlock your potential in the tech world uh working in the you know Ever
00:00:19.400 Changing ever evolving technology um industry is very exciting but also very
00:00:26.760 challenging um we constantly have to stretch ourselves uh learn new Concepts
00:00:31.880 keep up with the new technologies and Trends just be better be more efficient
00:00:37.640 and do more all the time um and all these could trigger fear I was
00:00:43.640 personally struggling to keep up with you know my career for the first five
00:00:49.480 six seven years of my career um until I finally understood that the only way
00:00:56.440 forward is to lean into fear um once I no longer was blinded by fear I was able
00:01:03.320 to see all the things that I love doing and then have the headp space who focus
00:01:10.360 on them and get good at them um in other word I could see my potential and went
00:01:17.119 after them uh so today I am very eager to share my learnings with you and
00:01:23.759 invite you on this journey to lean into fear and unblock your potential
00:01:32.799 um I would like to introduce myself first um my name is haa Newton I a
00:01:40.240 mother of two um I was born and grew up in Vietnam in a very rural area of
00:01:46.640 Vietnam um electricity came to my Village when I was about six I still
00:01:51.719 remember it uh computers and running water uh came in when I was in my 20s um
00:01:59.000 I studied English in Vietnam and I met my now husband that I relocated in New
00:02:04.520 York City in 2010 um in 2014 when my daughter was one year-old I got my first
00:02:11.800 type job after graduating from a 12we uh coding boot camp uh in New York City and
00:02:19.720 fast forward nine years later um I am currently working at Cisco maraki as
00:02:25.599 engineering manager um and just a disclaimer uh uh opinions in this
00:02:31.599 presentation is my own and does not represent
00:02:38.319 Cisco so before I start um I would like to tell you a short story about my own
00:02:47.519 experience with fear in my professional life um it was during a job interview
00:02:53.680 when I uh experienced a crippling overwhelming sense of fear it was in
00:03:00.239 2016 the startup that I was working at um was out going out of business so I
00:03:05.720 had no option to look for a new job and I was four months pregnant with
00:03:11.760 my son uh having to switch job and look for a new one going through interview
00:03:17.640 process when you were pregnant is probably one of the worst time um
00:03:23.239 because you know in my perception no companies want to you know hire a
00:03:29.239 pregnant kyate and then you know send her off to maternity leave and when she comes back you know um accommodating the
00:03:37.480 nursing schedule so it's it's a lot and I had about two years of experience
00:03:42.760 under my belt which by no mean is a lot um the whole time uh you know during the
00:03:49.959 first two years I was juggling the whole time between a new tech job uh right
00:03:57.720 right out of boot camp with raising a family raising a toddler so I never
00:04:02.760 worked past 5:00 p.m. uh I like neither did
00:04:07.799 I um you know join hackathon during the weekend or had a lot of time for
00:04:13.799 self-train so and also by my my calculation every job offer would take
00:04:20.400 about six weeks um and by then my belly would be huge uh so my time was running
00:04:27.840 out um walk into that in the review room I was just sweating before any questions
00:04:36.000 was asked um my hands and legs were shaking I could not think straight I could not hear the questions very well
00:04:43.520 um I was paralyzed I could not build tic-tac-toe I could not even make a spec
00:04:49.440 file to run uh it was a complete disaster and I you know no surprise I
00:04:55.840 bombed that interview and until now it was still one of the most humiliating
00:05:01.520 experience uh I've had in my career so how does that uh resonate with
00:05:10.520 you um I would love to hear your thoughts if you um kindly could you know
00:05:18.120 leave your comments in the chat so that I can learn about your experience um also that would be very valuable for me
00:05:27.880 um so like have you ever froze in an interview or stayed too long at a job
00:05:34.680 that you you know have grown sick of it's just because you you're afraid of
00:05:39.960 change or you afraid of the interview process or you afraid that you're going to fail it um have you ever afraid that
00:05:47.160 you are trailing behind uh with all the new technologies and you know uh
00:05:53.759 everyone is doing better than you and you are not doing enough uh constantly
00:05:59.360 um um so one day I stumbled on this quote
00:06:06.599 um that intrigued me a whole lot um I know how fear feels like but what could
00:06:13.080 it possib possibly be on the other side of fear uh if fear is no longer driving
00:06:19.960 what will how far how much further or faster could I go um and before I knew
00:06:26.039 it I started I had started a long journey of learning
00:06:32.880 and I am inviting you to join me in this journey to lean into fear to be curious
00:06:39.120 to be friends with fear and to discover what is on the other side of
00:06:45.280 fear let's take the very first step into understanding
00:06:52.960 fear first of all everyone has it uh it's in individuals in teams in
00:07:01.240 organizations even in Nations and it's everywhere it's in our code it's in our
00:07:07.759 everyday interactions it's in the relationship we have with others it's in our decisions
00:07:15.360 or in activities and as software developers we
00:07:22.479 often face the fear of failure um have you ever felt really
00:07:28.639 afraid taking on very complex project with tight deadlines um we are afraid of being
00:07:35.800 obsolete as well uh of falling behind of not you know being knowledgeable enough
00:07:43.000 um or making the the wrong decisions um we often you know are
00:07:50.240 afraid of making mistakes um of you know just complex technical problems of
00:07:55.360 unknown challenges and a lot of us suffer from the uh imposter
00:08:01.960 syndrome we constantly doubt ourself and our ability to you know be able to
00:08:07.639 perform at work um and we constantly think that we are somewhat a fraud and
00:08:14.720 one day we will be found out fear feels very much like danger um
00:08:23.080 it triggers the part of our brains that tells us that we are not okay something
00:08:28.680 is wrong with us or something bad is going to HP uh to happen it is that
00:08:34.839 Dreadful feeling that um you know we would naturally do anything to get out of to get out of as quickly as we
00:08:43.519 can so when we are fearful we often run away we hide from it we sweep it under
00:08:52.000 the rug we pretend it's not a big deal and when none of that works we blame we
00:08:59.240 blame other people we blame their circumstance and we blame ourselves um
00:09:07.360 you know we may say it doesn't work out the way we want them to because of so
00:09:13.240 and so didn't do the job or I'm I'm just you know it's just a bad timing um or
00:09:18.880 sometime we say we're just a natural fa failure we're just flawed we being less
00:09:25.160 um or we didn't try hard enough and fear fasters in the dark the more it
00:09:33.160 is kept a secret the worse it gets um the only thing that is worse than being
00:09:39.160 fearful is being fearful alone so how can we bring it to the
00:09:49.320 light first we need to be able to recognize
00:09:55.279 it fear is around um when we experience one of the following uh often often is
00:10:03.000 the case when we're avoiding uh remember that one difficult
00:10:09.040 coworker that you don't get along or public speaking or intricate technical
00:10:14.800 issues like reject or me memory leak um
00:10:20.079 when we procrastinate doing things last minute like how I just finished this
00:10:27.120 presentation like 10 minutes ago uh when we have psychological
00:10:34.880 reactions um when we feel you know stressed and anxiety we feel overwhelmed
00:10:41.399 we feel things are spinning out of control we feel shame we feel self-doubt
00:10:47.839 we have impos syndrome and the unability to
00:10:53.519 focus when we have physical reactions as I said uh in the interview uh I had I
00:11:00.040 was sweating I felt lightheaded a choking sensation pounding heart hot
00:11:05.440 cold flushes shortness of breath uh trembling muscles or just really tired
00:11:11.079 or or low energy or when of when we're you know acting denial uh when we sweep things
00:11:18.519 under the rug we hide our mistakes we water things down didn't you know pretend it didn't
00:11:25.399 happen so now that we are able to spot it um the next step is
00:11:30.800 to be curious lean in uh to explore to understand what it's
00:11:37.399 all about and we may find out that it's
00:11:44.000 about something like this it's self- negative image
00:11:49.120 um self- worthiness or competency expectations or just the need to belong
00:11:57.440 to you know not not be rejected and your monologue may sound like this um I'm a
00:12:04.320 bad person I don't deserve I'm not good enough I am a disappointment I don't
00:12:12.120 belong so we start to see a little bit of a pattern here where you know fear
00:12:19.880 seems to origin originate from that perception that we are one block of
00:12:24.959 static unchangeable fixed being with a binary set of values which you know e
00:12:31.440 we're either good or bad we're worthy or unworthy we're smart or dumb we success
00:12:37.680 or being a failure uh we belong or we don't belong and it's just fundamentally
00:12:44.199 deficient we are complex beings we constantly learn and grow we suck at one
00:12:50.320 thing but we are awesome at other things um so with that how do we start to
00:12:57.399 change to turn turn the tide we will need to build our inner
00:13:04.680 strength to withstand the the weather we need to do that bicep Pearl for your
00:13:10.519 brain for our brain and the first thing of uh the
00:13:17.120 first sign of inner strength is courage and bravery so be brave and face it um stop
00:13:25.000 running away from the from the discomfort acknowledge it sit with that dread FF feeling for a little bit um
00:13:32.600 this is a practice of mindfulness to cultivate awareness and be present with
00:13:38.639 the with your feeling at the moment even though it's very painful um your your monologue may sound
00:13:44.800 like this I am experiencing so much anxiety about that big project that I
00:13:51.040 have to deliver in two weeks and I'm worried that I won't be able to get it
00:13:56.839 done uh on time then ask yourself um can I be with this
00:14:04.320 feeling for a little while and the answer to that may be a yes or maybe a no but acknowledge that in this moment
00:14:12.800 you are safe you're okay and experiencing anxiety D during a high
00:14:19.320 stake project is normal it is also very important that
00:14:25.240 you do not tell yourself or believe in spooky stories like no way I'm going to be able to
00:14:31.680 deliver this on time my the business is going to lose contracts and I'm going to
00:14:36.839 I'm going to be fired just please hit that unsubscribe button do not do not
00:14:42.120 subscribe to that channel next we need to practice
00:14:50.199 stepping out of our comfort zone um go ahead and do that thing that you've always been very terrified to do uh of
00:14:58.320 doing I just do it uh for me it is actually the very act of giving this
00:15:04.480 talk right now in front of you um I remember the very first time I had to
00:15:11.480 give a manatory depth learnings some of my former co-workers here they know what
00:15:17.040 I'm talking about um in front of of like a small Tech Team and I was trembling my
00:15:25.839 hands were shaking my face and head was on fire and uh you know my throat was choking up
00:15:32.800 my breath was out of control it it was completely horrible uh and I thought to myself that I would do just the anything
00:15:40.600 uh to not have to speak in front of others ever again and yet here here I am
00:15:47.079 today uh still being terrified of how you know possibly I'm making a fo out of
00:15:53.319 myself but I volunteered to do it anyway um and regardless of what happened today
00:15:59.440 I will do it again because as much as I still am afraid of how the world
00:16:05.720 perceived me um it's already a win for me to practice courage um and step out
00:16:12.279 of my own comfort zone because often time obstacle is the
00:16:21.800 way be brave be authentic and be yourself um practice by saying what you
00:16:28.600 think so like I disagree here's here are my
00:16:34.639 thoughts that doesn't really make sense I don't understand that could you walk
00:16:40.480 me through and saying no it takes extreme courage to show up as yourself I
00:16:47.319 know it sounds weird but it's true um and but when you do it's true Freedom you will experience
00:16:55.560 um and here's my favorite quote be yourself everyone else is already
00:17:06.120 taken we also need to be more um
00:17:12.160 vulnerable um vulnerability is a sign of strength not weakness um it takes a
00:17:19.640 great amount of courage to say I don't know to your peers or to your boss um
00:17:26.880 reach out for to ask for help as well no need to pretend you always have it
00:17:32.240 together um share some of your struggles such as I have been struggling with
00:17:38.200 staying on top of the industry Trends um or when it comes down to site
00:17:44.919 reliability space I I don't know what I'm doing um and when when you share
00:17:50.320 these people's reaction may very well surprise
00:17:56.200 you Embrace imperfection um and so you are a rails engineer and
00:18:03.840 you still don't know what R is you shipped that feature and it cost
00:18:10.280 a few bucks you gave that presentation and it was
00:18:16.559 a and it's okay um we need to practice our
00:18:24.880 self-compassion um be gentle with ourselves give ourselves the permission
00:18:31.880 to try and fail uh the outcome of what we do does not define who we are um I
00:18:40.320 failed running that small business does not mean that I am a failure and by the way I totally did fail running that
00:18:47.360 small business a few years back completely Bas plann um treat yourself as how you would treat
00:18:55.840 your best friend um ask um ask yourself if your best friend made a mistakes made
00:19:03.280 a made a mistake would you be telling them all the things youself telling yourself such as you are such a
00:19:11.400 disappointment you never can do anything right or you should be just ashamed of
00:19:17.679 yourself remember we deserve the same chance to make mistakes as everybody
00:19:26.880 else uh cultivate that um a cultivate a growth mindset so just a brief recap for
00:19:35.120 people who haven't read the book mindset by Carol Dre um growth and fixed mindset
00:19:41.039 are Concepts developed by developed by psychologist Carol Dre um in her book
00:19:48.679 mindset people with fixed mindset believe that their ability and intelligence are fixed traits and cannot
00:19:55.720 be changed World mindset is a belief that one's ability intelligence and personal qualities can
00:20:03.600 be developed and improved over time through effort learning and uh
00:20:09.400 perseverance if you haven't already I highly encourage you to read this book
00:20:15.320 um however what does growth mindset have to do with fear um it defines success as
00:20:21.840 success is earned success is attributed to hard work effective strategies and
00:20:27.159 learning from failures rather than innate Talent therefore it
00:20:32.480 changes the meaning of failure uh failure is a natural part of the learning process um a stepping stone to
00:20:41.080 the eventual success a crucial element for growth it no longer sounds like a
00:20:47.039 that scary thing that we are so afraid
00:20:52.960 of besides making ourselves stronger um we also need a support
00:21:00.480 system and to build a support system first we need to build trust with others
00:21:07.440 and why is trust important because trust is the foundation of psychological
00:21:16.000 safety um we already to so to build trust we've already talked about
00:21:21.720 vulnerability and authenticity um they help break down the barriers that separates from others it
00:21:29.720 allows us to drop the masks we uh wear uh drop the mask we Weare and be
00:21:37.760 our true authentic selves and it promotes genuine interactions and
00:21:43.720 relationships besides that we also need to be reliable um so deliver what you
00:21:50.080 promised at the time that you promised it uh be accountable take
00:21:57.039 responsibilities extreme an extreme ownership of your
00:22:02.400 work also be empathetic and um to be
00:22:07.640 empathetic we need to practice active listening so listen to understand and
00:22:14.200 not to respond not just to words but to people's
00:22:19.440 emotions um avoid interrupting and try to put yourself in their
00:22:26.320 shoes avoid judging suspend the judgment and avoid making assumptions about someone's experiences
00:22:33.799 or feelings uh keep an open mind and be willing to accept their perspectives
00:22:40.600 even if it's different from your own have the genuine curiosity about
00:22:47.880 others show interest in their stories experiences and backgrounds um encourage the person to
00:22:55.840 share more about their thoughts and feelings by asking open-ended questions such as can you tell me more about that
00:23:03.480 and this can lead to deeper
00:23:09.600 conversations bu our support network um if you want to go fast go alone if we if
00:23:16.279 you want to go far go together we all need to be part of a community for
00:23:23.320 Mutual support and these are the people um
00:23:30.279 could be in our support network our coworker so fellow developers product
00:23:36.520 managers Square Masters designers uh mentors at work and outside
00:23:42.200 of work could be you know more senior adeps managers on a different teams um
00:23:48.240 or you know outside of work like this group or women who code or other meetup
00:23:53.640 groups or reach out to people on LinkedIn friends and family for sure they are always around lean on them um
00:24:02.360 sounding board people in the industry that have the same job and same roles um
00:24:08.679 as as we do um to share experience um a group that people uh a group of people
00:24:14.919 that you can lean on for like to bounce off ideas um ask for advice and of
00:24:20.600 course your manager skip manager uh it's not always possible to get your manager
00:24:26.440 or skip manager on to your support network but it would be the best to have them because they have a lot of impact
00:24:33.000 on your performance at work develop
00:24:39.120 resilience and it is a marathon um be friends with fear is certainly a
00:24:44.960 difficult painful Marathon um and when a marathon is ahead of you what do you do
00:24:51.279 you train take small steps toward growth and Liberty um try something new celebrate
00:24:58.480 small wins try something bigger next time celebrate rinse then repeat um if
00:25:06.880 you fail don't beat yourself up try to find out why it didn't work um lean on
00:25:13.159 your support system then try again maybe so I started my mentor Marathon by
00:25:21.320 accepting my imperfections uh I wasn't the best technologist in my team or
00:25:28.520 I may and I may not ever be uh and it's okay um that acceptance gave me the
00:25:34.960 strength to show up as myself um I was able to admit things that I didn't know
00:25:41.480 I was able to say I missed that use case and I introduced that book um or I
00:25:48.440 understand what that line does could you explain for the first time I was able to
00:25:53.960 say I don't know how to solve this could you help me um I reach out to um a
00:26:01.240 network of co-workers and Friends countless times for help and they are
00:26:06.520 always there for me as I would for them I started mentoring engineer new
00:26:12.880 Engineers even though I I thought they their technical ability was way better
00:26:19.000 than mine um and for the first time I took on a big project I led a team to
00:26:26.440 build um a big feature and on and on my marathon
00:26:32.640 training went so what's on the other side of fear
00:26:40.880 uh you may wonder if my journey ever has ever gotten me to the other side of here
00:26:46.159 uh and I would say well yeah I Lurch back and forth uh you know between the
00:26:52.399 sides but I certainly um I am certain that I had a glimpse of what it is to be
00:27:00.200 on the other side of Fe so the most profound thing I found on
00:27:08.279 the other side of fear is that sense of groundedness uh it is the true sense of
00:27:14.919 Freedom uh to be just ourselves and not being afraid of how the world may see us
00:27:21.159 or how we may be judged or rejected um and when you're in that
00:27:26.240 mental space you start find growth opportunities
00:27:33.240 success confidence New Perspectives
00:27:39.120 empowerment uh meaningful connections and personal uh
00:27:45.000 fulfillment and when I uh being less distracted by fear I could focus on the
00:27:50.880 thing that I'm really good at uh while acknowledging my limitations and be okay
00:27:56.480 with it and instead of being scared for the first time I felt fulfilled motivated and excited about my work I
00:28:04.600 realized that I had a lot to offer and I I was just jittery with excitement to do
00:28:11.120 harder things in you know increase scope um learn new skills and getting better
00:28:17.080 at things that I'm already good at I don't show up at work because I have to anymore I show out a book because that's
00:28:24.120 where I continuously learn and grow and connect with people and make different
00:28:29.880 make bigger impact every day and to look back to that uh to the
00:28:36.039 beginning uh seven years later uh seven year after that Dreadful interview I had
00:28:42.640 another interview and it's still intimidating just the same but this time
00:28:49.240 I came in not try to impress anyone um I was just trying to be present and be
00:28:56.440 myself I knew I wasn't good at everything in fact I there were there
00:29:01.480 are overwhelming number of things that I am just clueless and I was prepared to
00:29:07.159 just admit all of them um I also knew what I was very good at how uh I could
00:29:15.039 make impact and how I love doing certain things when people ask me open Ed
00:29:21.600 questions instead of guessing what they want to hear and you know feed it to
00:29:27.120 them I generally offer my own approach from my past experience and following um and
00:29:34.840 not follow any textbook answers or prescriptions um I was authentic I Was
00:29:41.360 Myself and I was glowing I came out of that interview this time feeling the
00:29:47.519 best I had ever been I ever felt in my professional setting uh or in my
00:29:53.519 professional career I was proud I was happy um I gave my best and then I let out uh
00:30:01.159 I let go of the outcome I did not try like I was in dying to hear uh about the
00:30:07.960 result of this uh interview this time for me the experience was already a win
00:30:14.919 well compared to seven years prior where I wanted to just bury my head deep in
00:30:20.760 the sand or you know high on an island where no one can see me for months
00:30:25.960 because you know I was embarrassed uh I think I've come very far so I hope
00:30:32.480 my talk today pick your interest um to lean into your own fear explore it use
00:30:39.880 it to your to build your strength um build your not your network and to unlock your potential to find
00:30:47.399 fulfillment um in your work and in your
00:30:53.480 life just a very uh quick recap um of what we talked about
00:31:01.360 today um the first step is to um we need to understand fear we need to recognize
00:31:07.880 we need to lean in be
00:31:13.399 curious then build um Your Inner Strength be brave just face it stepping
00:31:20.760 out of our comfort zone be authentic be yourself be
00:31:26.159 vulnerable Embrace imperfections develop
00:31:31.639 self-compassion and cultivate growth mindset we also need to build a support
00:31:38.480 system we need to build trust and we need to build our support network develop uh resilient remember
00:31:46.480 it's a marathon small steps train over and over again and on the other side of fear here
00:31:54.440 are all the things we are going to find oops I went too fast
00:32:03.679 um I have additional uh resources um books I read and which like really
00:32:13.200 influence how um I went through my mental marathon training um so I
00:32:21.080 encourage you to um check these out and please reach out to me on LinkedIn is my
00:32:27.799 LinkedIn uh link and uh Cisco is hiring for uh limited
00:32:35.880 amount of role maybe we'll hire a lot more in a couple of quarter uh but
00:32:41.760 please R me if you interested in uh a career opportunity at Cisco I would love
00:32:47.799 to chat with you um and Cisco has been I I don't
00:32:54.240 remember was that like three years three years in a row uh name the best place to work um three
00:33:01.360 or four I don't remember sorry sorry Cisco
00:33:07.840 uh I think that is it thank you
00:33:14.039 for uh joining me in this talk I was terrified but uh with a supported
00:33:21.840 Community I I am confident and and uh I step out of my comfort zone and yeah
00:33:29.080 thank you for supporting me
HN
Hoa Newton
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