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Hi, thanks for coming. Hope you guys aren't too exhausted post-lunch. I'm Rebecca Miller-Webster, the CTO of a small consulting company in Chicago called Polly Matic, and we're hiring. I'm also the founder and organizer of Write/Speak/Code, which focuses on increasing the visibility and leadership of women coders. Our conference is coming up June 15 through 18, so tell everybody you know.
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I've been building software professionally for about a dozen years now. I've worked as a developer, and I’ve done all things from admin to DevOps, as well as customer support. I've been on big teams and have experience in product, consulting, and nonprofits. I’ve also been an engineering manager in various roles, which has given me a broad perspective on the opportunities available for developers.
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I really believe that what we do as developers and technologists is fundamentally about communication. This communication happens between servers—of course, we have our coding servers and different classes—but it also extends to our users and includes what we communicate with other developers, our team, future developers, and other business units. I'm particularly interested in feedback, which I define as the type of communication that tells us how we're doing. Are we successful? What do we want to be successful at?
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If you think about it, most modern software development practices—agile, lean, TDD—are really focused on getting more and better feedback. Studies have shown that the best way to detect errors in your code is to have a human look at it and review it. However, I believe we need to optimize for all kinds of feedback, especially personal feedback, because everything is feedback. It's not just what is said but also what’s not said, body language, who’s interrupted, and who remains quiet.
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Let's delve into feedback and discuss how and why I think it's important to create structures around it—frameworks for giving, requesting, and receiving feedback. We will look at how to give good feedback and also touch on feedback in sensitive and difficult conversations. I think it’s essential to create regular structures around feedback so that it occurs consistently.
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This effectively means more meetings, but I believe it's important because giving effective negative feedback is challenging for everyone. Positive feedback is super important too and often doesn't happen enough, even though people are more motivated by progress than actual accomplishments. Positive feedback is what tells us we are making that progress.
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I think that regular feedback builds trust and safety within a team. People may give you silly feedback and that’s perfectly okay, as it demonstrates that you are trustworthy and can listen to what they say. Ideally, we would foster a culture that encourages ad hoc feedback all the time. However, the problem with relying solely on ad hoc feedback is that it can burden the person who has the issue. They have to muster the courage not only to talk to you about the issue but also to set up a meeting.
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Reducing the barrier to obtaining that feedback is helpful. When it comes to feedback structures, we often think of one-on-ones, which usually occur between a manager and an employee. However, I think we underestimate the value of giving feedback to our teammates and peers, whether during a pairing session or in other contexts. One-on-one feedback is valuable because it creates a sense of safety, allowing you to speak openly with just one person.
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Depending on the relationship you have with that person, it may actually feel easier to give feedback in a group setting, where you know there are others to support you. Retros and stand-ups naturally encourage this kind of feedback, but another type of feedback is direct feedback. In previous roles, I worked at a start-up where we had a monthly survey that asked questions about employee satisfaction, and we reviewed those results alongside business metrics.
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We also have written reviews, but observations are equally important. If I observe how you interact with someone else, I'll assume that you'll respond similarly if I bring up a similar issue. While we can't always control how feedback is perceived, creating regular structures around feedback helps us gather a broader range of data points, which allows for more accurate assessments.
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In terms of feedback timing, many practices we use focus on feedback during and after a project—through stand-ups, retros, and post-mortems. These are all valuable methods. However, I believe we often overlook the importance of giving feedback before starting a project. As someone who chronically runs late, I’ve come to realize that if I work with someone who values punctuality, we might set ourselves up for conflict.
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If we talk about this ahead of time, we can better understand each other's priorities, which is likely to lead to a smoother collaboration. Another area where we can improve is in cumulative feedback. Typically, we have performance reviews that consolidate feedback, but they often deliver an overwhelming amount of commentary all at once, which doesn’t highlight patterns or progress.
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We often struggle to track feedback over time. Like many of you, I suspect that you appreciate protocols, so it’s useful to have frameworks for both giving and receiving feedback. When we find ourselves in emotionally charged situations, having a structured approach can make it significantly easier to communicate effectively.
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The goal of giving feedback is to foster a better working relationship with the person receiving it. You don't have to be best friends, but it helps if you can improve the rapport you have. The second goal of giving feedback is to avoid creating defensiveness. Once that defensiveness shields them, it becomes difficult to communicate and may even prompt actions contrary to those you’ve suggested.
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The best way to avoid defensiveness is to focus on actions rather than on the person themselves. Instead of saying, 'You are a terrible developer,' focus on the action: 'I think this method you've created is overly complicated; perhaps breaking it into smaller methods would be beneficial.' This helps keep the feedback constructive.
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As engineers, we naturally appreciate efficiency; however, it's essential to remember the social niceties in these situations. It's vital to start with a personal greeting—maybe asking how the person is doing, which sets a positive tone for the feedback conversation. I employ a feedback method known as 'situation, behavior, impact,' which helps frame constructive discussions.
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You want to outline the situation—what happened, and when it occurred. Then, discuss the behavior of the individual in question, such as, 'Last week, when there was a serious bug in production, and the site went down, we were all working hard to resolve the issue.' Next, it's important to state the quantifiable impact.
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For instance, 'The site was down for X amount of time, or we introduced X number of bugs as a result of this.' Additionally, it helps to share the impact it had on you personally. An example could be, 'I felt apprehensive about the possibility of new bugs being introduced because the code did not follow the regular channels.' Humanizing the feedback is crucial and can lead to more meaningful conversations.
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Providing a recommendation is also valuable. For example, I understand that it was a high-pressure situation, but perhaps checking in with the team before deviating from our usual protocols could enhance our workflow.
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This 'situation, behavior, impact' framework is equally applicable for giving positive feedback. It really helps articulate why someone is doing a great job. Simply saying, 'You're awesome' is great but doesn't specify what they should keep doing that they're excelling at.
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For instance, I received a birthday card recently from a friend who is a teacher. She simply wrote, 'You're awesome,' but then she listed specific traits and actions she appreciated about me. This genuine recognition was uplifting.
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Another thing to remember is the balance between negative and positive feedback. Negative feedback tends to weigh more heavily than positive feedback, so if you provide solely negative comments, it may give the impression that a person is incompetent. Studies suggest that it takes about three positive statements to counteract one negative for some people, though in certain situations it could be as much as ten.
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It's important to combine positive and negative feedback, but the key is to ensure they are in the same context. For example, saying, 'Your hair looks great, but your recent code was disappointing' isn't effective.
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For instance, I once had an employee who made a decision based on supposed efficiency. He told the project manager about a change authorized by a client and proceeded with it without considerations for the broader team discussions and impact it may have had. In our conversation, I acknowledged his care for the client while also stressing the importance of communicating with the team.
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Receiving feedback is pivotal for improving relationships as well. In this situation, how can you change and improve? The most significant aspect of receiving feedback is to be a good listener.
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I say this not to patronize but to emphasize that listening is inherently difficult. Our brains are wired to seek novel stimuli; therefore, genuinely engaging and listening requires practice and effort. It's vital also to ask questions for understanding, ensuring that you comprehend what the person is saying before you think about your response.
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Finally, always express gratitude and follow up. Giving feedback is a challenge; it can be disheartening when you receive criticism, so thanking someone for giving feedback can change the tone of the conversation. It acknowledges their effort in addressing something that may be uncomfortable.
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A friend of mine, who is a couples therapist, explained the difference between individual and couples therapy: individual therapy focuses on one person's inner experience, while couples therapy translates and communicates the connection between two individuals. One technique she employs is called 'mirror empathy validation,' which involves listening and repeating what someone says.
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This approach confirms that you genuinely understand what’s being expressed. Following that, practice empathy to demonstrate that you understand their feelings and underlying reasons. Lastly, validation involves asking questions to display your engagement.
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For example, 'I hear you saying...' and 'Am I correct in understanding that...?' Dialogues where you affirm that you are on the same page help reinforce the relationship. Ultimately, people simply want to feel heard; it's more crucial than merely fulfilling their requests.
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Empathy is about curiosity; understanding how another person feels and thinks can significantly enhance communication. The goal is not to determine right or wrong but to explore connections between shared experiences.
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Furthermore, empathy is a skill that we must cultivate, as it is not something we are taught extensively. In terms of developing empathy, there are a couple of strategies you can employ. One is to focus intently on listening and summarizing what individuals are sharing. It can prove beneficial to even write down notes for yourself to help remember key points.
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The second is to recognize and articulate your emotions. Oftentimes, we misspeak our feelings, using non-emotional descriptors instead. It’s essential to reflect on our feelings genuinely so we can connect with others effectively.
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When requesting feedback, the goal should be to garner honest and actionable responses. Regularly initiating requests increases the chances for the feedback to be comprehensive and meaningful. For instance, you might receive light-hearted requests like 'Please don’t write with a yellow pen because I can’t read it!' but as you progress, it fosters trust.
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In working with my team, I frequently ask them for one thing I should start doing, one thing I should stop doing, and one thing I should continue doing. This approach starts dialogues allowing for reflection on actions and behaviors.
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If you take away anything from this talk, remember to listen and ask questions while giving feedback. Good feedback should be actionable, specific, and kind. For example, saying, 'You're always an inconsiderate jerk' is not actionable—it lacks specificity! Instead, focus on specific actions. For instance, 'That one time you deployed without informing anyone...' allows recipients to connect the feedback to appropriate actions.
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Additionally, ensure that the feedback supports the recipient's growth and lies within their scope of skill. If they’re not ready for a particular challenge, coupling constructive feedback with examples aids their development.
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The critical component of good feedback is accountability. In retrospectives, it’s essential to review what has been accomplished. This allows team members to express what they haven’t completed but intend to achieve in the future. Also, acknowledging the rationale behind decisions—particularly when they contrast with suggestions made by the team—helps validate other ideas.
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Next, don't forget the importance of results! Setting a follow-up meeting—one month or three months later—can make a huge difference in how feedback is perceived and how it informs future interactions. If there is no response to feedback, team members are unlikely to continue sharing.
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Now we’re entering the more challenging aspects of feedback. We live in a society facing various forms of oppression, including racism, sexism, homophobia, and transphobia. These injustices stem from the unequal distribution of resources, whether that’s money, education, or influence.
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Power can present itself formally, like having a boss, or informally, wherein an intern may wield power due to close relationships with higher-ups. Feedback from individuals in positions of power carries a considerable influence.
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It's crucial to be aware of power dynamics when giving or requesting feedback. Power dynamics exist whether they are recognized or not. In my experience as a woman in tech, I've often been asked about the challenges I face. Commonly, patterns reflect behaviors like being interrupted in meetings or having my ideas overlooked.
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Academics have coined the term 'microaggressions' to describe the unintentional moments that reinforce stereotypes. These acts may seem trivial to those who commit them but can accumulate into significant emotional distress for those receiving them.
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Simple examples include tone policing, expressions that convey surprise at the abilities of people of color, or asking someone where they are from if they don't appear to be a white American individual. It’s imperative to foster environments that facilitate acceptance and keep everyone feeling included.
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A major challenge arising from these instances is the hesitance people face in calling someone out, fearing potential negative responses. During emotionally charged moments, it's often ineffective to engage in discussions about oppression directly.
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Instead, stating how something made you uncomfortable and requesting immediate cessation can be more effective. After the fact, you can deepen the conversation by thanking the individual for sharing their experience and asking if you can follow up.
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Undoubtedly, addressing uncomfortable feedback is difficult, but it opens up the pathway for more meaningful engagements later. If behavior needs correcting, acknowledge the impact first before seeking to discuss intention because that helps provide clarity.
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To navigate difficult discussions, I recommend a framework known as 'nonviolent communication.' This involves articulating observations, feelings, needs, and requests—starting with the factual situation. For instance, 'When we were pairing, you moved the keyboard to your side, and I couldn’t reach it'—this narration avoids bias.
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Follow this observation with your feelings, specifically describing what emotions were triggered in you. Instead of nebulous expressions, articulate your inner experience: 'I felt frustrated and insecure when you moved the keyboard.'
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Every individual has basic needs—shelter, food, and emotional security—but we also harbor higher-level needs. When conflicts arise, it's often due to unmet needs. Identifying what you needed, like respect and open communication, is essential to translating feelings into constructive dialogue.
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With difficult conversations, it’s crucial to make a request. Transformation won’t happen overnight. For instance, asking, 'In the future, could you consult me before moving the keyboard?' embraces gradual change and encourages positive development in your interactions.
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It's vital that we shift our mindset about feedback and diversify our approach towards empathy. Each encounter presents an opportunity to learn more about others' experiences, and how our actions may influence them in ways we don't always recognize.
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Thank you for your attention. Please go forth, offer feedback, and remember the frameworks we’ve discussed today. Does anyone have any questions?
