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Thank you for that really well-prepared introduction. Okay, I need you to do something here. Good afternoon, RubyConf! We've got about 800 people in the room. I think I heard about 700—that will do! My name is Andrew Faraday and here's how the game works.
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As you know, it's a game called Just A Minute. Now, this is where we get to see the Ruby community at play. It is not your typical conference panel; we're just going to have some fun. That means you are very much a part of the experience we’re about to have. You have my permission, RubyConf, to react. That means laugh if you want to laugh, cheer if you want to cheer, and cry if you want to cry. One thing I’m going to ask of you is that when I start the game in the traditional way, I’m going to boisterously welcome you to the show, and the theme music will come in. As soon as you hear that piano, I need you all to put your hands together, raise your voices, and raise this rather beautiful conference room roof! Can you do that for me? Here we go! Welcome to Just A Minute!
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A very special edition of Just A Minute here in the fine city of New Orleans! Here’s how the game works: Each round, I will pick a topic that's of interest to Ruby developers and I will ask one of the witty, insightful, and currently terrified people before you to speak about that topic for a total of 60 seconds.
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Sounds easy, but they must avoid three restrictions on how they speak. They must avoid hesitation, including pauses and hedging noises; repetition, where they repeat an earlier statement; and deviation, where they stray from the topic given. If the other panelists discover that these rules are being broken, they can challenge by pressing their buzzers. The timer will stop, and if their challenge is correct, they will gain a point and control the topic.
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They will have to speak about that topic until the minute is over or until they are in turn challenged. Incorrect challenges give a point back to the original speaker, and whoever is speaking at the end of a minute gains a point for doing so. Whoever has the most points at the end of the game wins bragging rights, basically. And that's how the game works!
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So let's meet the panel. Without any further ado, furthest from me, we have the CEO of Coding Zeal and the dirtiest player in the history of the game—please welcome Adam Cuppy!
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Next up to his right, we have the creator of the one and only Goat User Stories; please welcome Tara Shona De La Fuente!
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Next up to his right, we have the organizer of BrightonRuby and writer of One Ruby Thing; please welcome Andy Croll! And last, but by no means least, we have a developer at Digital Ocean, an expert maintainer, and a true RubyJam veteran. He’s been with us since the very first Just A Ruby Minute panel—please welcome Sam Phippen!
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Now, that is a record, and Sam, your topic is pretty matter-of-fact: speaking at a Ruby conference. This is Sam Phippen, on speaking at a Ruby conference about hesitation, repetition, or deviation—starting now!
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Right now, what I am doing is speaking at a Ruby conference. I spend a lot of my time speaking at Ruby conferences such as this one that we are currently at. When many people come together to speak at a Ruby conference, they discuss topics involving Ruby conferences. Thank you very much.
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As much as I enjoyed that, repetition of 'conferences' is indeed a problem.
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Yes, absolutely! So, Andy, you have 28 seconds remaining—starting now.
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In my experience of speaking at a Ruby conference, it is unremittingly terrifying, to a degree that would be unsurprising to those of you who saw my talk this morning where I was speaking at all.
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When I am speaking at a Ruby conference, I like to talk about things I know, like cats, goats, and walruses.
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That list is pretty harsh, but there were four times that I managed not to curse; I count that as a win.
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So, Andy, you have six seconds remaining—starting now. When speaking at a Ruby conference, it is very important that you keep your language clean.
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The repetition here has nothing to do with this. If I get to brew someone else, then you can’t call them by your nickname.
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That’s an incorrect challenge, and Andy gains the point. You have zero seconds remaining and a point for the end of that minute.
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Okay, Adam, you are next up to speak. Your topic is coders in movies—starting now.
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For starters, coders in movies is a myth. There are, in fact, no coders in movies, because most movies center around a protagonist and an antagonist who know very little about coding themselves.
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Instead, what we look at is the insightful nature of coders in movies and how they think through problems to find a better and more ideal solution to overcome a world against robots and chickens!
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That was a very elongated pause there, so I’m going to call hesitation. That was definitely hesitation.
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You have 28 seconds remaining on coders in movies—starting now!
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When we programmers observe coders in movies, we very quickly realize how ridiculous the repetition is. I noticed that Adam has not gained any points yet, so I’m going to give you that one.
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We have 20 seconds remaining—starting now!
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Coders in movies are vastly different from the rest of the people in those movies. The repetition of people from an earlier speech is what I’m noticing.
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You have 14 seconds remaining—starting now. The thing about coders in movies is that often, they portray a very inaccurate depiction of coders, who typically don’t conduct practices like typing very quickly with two fingers.
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Tara, you’re next! Your topic is visiting New Orleans—starting now!
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I am currently visiting New Orleans, where I have been speaking at a Ruby conference about things that are not goats. Earlier, I talked about mentoring.
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Definitely hesitation! I knew that was a challenge. Yes, yesterday, when I was speaking at RubyConf, I still did not curse! So, you have 45 seconds on this topic—starting now!
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Visiting New Orleans has been an eye-opening experience for me. Walking the streets of the French Quarter, eating beignets—which, as far as I can tell, are just a bunch of icing sugar on top of a donut—but the levels of sweetness are beyond anything I could have possibly imagined!
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Visiting New Orleans has surprised me because I’ve been to the actual Museum of Death, which is a genuine tourist attraction. You would be surprised at the stuff that is presented there.
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Did anyone here expect to be surprised? The employees do their best to surprise the guests, but this is repetition of 'surprise'!
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Yes, I feel like I’m challenging—that you’re coming after the spot of Sam. I’m not sure; I have to give Andy the point there.
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Okay, Andy, you have 12 seconds—starting now. Visiting New Orleans has included elements of Voodoo in the culture, with a tiny house on Bourbon Street where you can go and see the shrunken heads and voodoo dolls.
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Andy is getting away with repetition of 'Voodoo'!
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Alright, your topic is asking for help—this is Andy Croll on asking for help—starting now!
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I feel like at this very moment I am asking for help. I’m trying to give my talk, and it’s JooyConf, not Andy Kampf!
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It doesn’t make sense for me to still be up here talking about repetition!
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Tara, you have half the points, and you have 49 seconds—starting now!
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I have been asking for help from a variety of people, like my friends, colleagues, and patriots.
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I mean, hesitation—I just wasn’t ready for this. I still haven’t cursed!
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So Sam, you have the question of asking for help—39 seconds starting now!
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As I sit here on this stage desperately asking for help, it makes me wonder what we are all doing here and what does it all mean.
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It’s important to remember that asking for help is something we should all do when facing troubles in our lives.
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You may feel that you can’t talk to people about the things you are experiencing.
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This is hesitation, with 21 seconds remaining. I can tell you want this subject back, so let’s get back to it!
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I feel like my fellow panelists may be asking for help. For example, Adam Cuppy just reached across to Andrew Faraday and asked, 'What’s the deal?'
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Is he still on asking for help? He only has one point!
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On the bright side, my buzzer works! Yes, it does work!
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I’m going to give you that point; it seems to follow along the theme.
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Alright Sam, you're next to speak—your topic is something about the keynotes.
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My good friends, showing Griffin and his wife Tess are sitting in the front row.
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They have a child named Ruby, and it’s currently...
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I am referring to it in this context. I feel I was probably not alone in this.
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It wasn’t a challenge, but I don’t want to let it go. You give me a point!
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That was clearly on topic. It was indeed on topic!
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For those who don’t know, the child in question is named Ruby.
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The mention of goats is dually relevant here!
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I’m going to give Tara the point—oh, I really hope your child isn’t—well, you know!
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Starting now! Asking the question: Is Ruby dying?
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It's important not to bring up the potential death of children while on stage.
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It is, however, a difficult and challenging topic!
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As I was saying meanwhile, Ruby dying is a very difficult matter to discuss here on stage.
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Just a reminder, we are all dying! So, let me transition to everyone.
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As I mentioned in my talk yesterday, I almost got a PhD in English.
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You can see how that accuracy can fade.
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Was that a correct challenge?
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You just talked about the topic, so we should end that challenge.
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Now, Adam, you have 33 seconds remaining on error messages—starting now!
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I am very well aware of error messages—not only in my code but in my own life.
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For starters, about two minutes ago, I think I faced a total system failure!
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It was something I was not overly familiar with, but this reminds me of a time writing Ruby and reading the error messages.
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You have 39 seconds remaining.
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When I receive error messages, I like to take them as opportunities to learn about the system upon which my team is working.
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Those error messages often indicate a potential underlying issue in the system, such as how it is processing transactions.
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Tara, you have 16 seconds remaining—starting now!
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When I think about error messages, I often notice the error codes they begin with, like 401 or 402.
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It's intriguing, as understanding that seems smart, but when I begin to notice them, they become a form of repetition.
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Yes, that sounds fine, but many people challenge you to think of them.
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That's just standard procedure!
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So Sam, you have eight seconds remaining—starting now!
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Hiring developers is a complex process that results in a lot of...
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Alright, your next topic is hiring developers generally. It's a complicated process that can often lead to trauma for the developers being hired.
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One of the most critical elements of the process is determining qualifications.
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Tara, you have the floor—49 seconds starting now!
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In my experience, when I was in human resources, I focused on hiring developers.
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The Boston Symphony Orchestra, where I was recruiting musicians and coordinating benefits, required me to eyeball resumes full of errors!
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I frequently came across resumes where it said 'I am a sign language interrupter.' You know what that means!
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That’s a whole different error in understanding job roles.
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As we engage in this process, we're also managing the complexity of dealing with candidates.
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Sam, you each have eight seconds starting now.
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When we are hiring developers, we need to assess their resumes very carefully.
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Repetitions and errors become red flags; we have to ensure they stand out.
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So each resume can hold subtle cues that help form a judgment.
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So, our next task is managing dependencies—Andy, on managing dependencies starting now!
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There are many ways to think about managing dependencies; there’s bundler or Gemfiles.
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Managing dependencies is essential because we need to keep a track of which package or library versions we use.
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Every dependency can lead to other dependencies; hence we need to approach this issue.
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Sam, you have 15 seconds on managing dependencies—starting now!
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When I think about managing dependencies, there are many programming languages I can consider, such as Go, Ruby, Rust, and many more.
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Managing them accurately will enhance your productivity.
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In the exhaustion of all discussions, if there's repetition, I'll play off jokes, and you can respond with challenges.
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Whenever you're managing a conference or session, you need to manage those dependencies.
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Working with tools is key.
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Thank you very much for joining in this great conference!
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You’ve been an amazing audience.
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It remains to me to thank you for participating in this game, created so many years ago, and to Nicolas Parsons who hosted it for many years.
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Thank you very much! I’m Andrew Faraday, and please join me in appreciating our panel: Adam Cuppie, Tara Shona De La Fuente, Andy Croll.
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Thank you all!