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Okay, so hello everyone! This talk is about hacking verbal communication systems. If you're not here for that talk, you might be in the wrong place.
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I want to do a quick bit of housekeeping. First of all, my name is Ryan Alexander and my pronouns are he and him. I am the lead backend developer for a cross-functional Ruby on Rails team based in London, but I grew up right here in Minneapolis, which is why I don’t sound much like I’m from London.
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In fact, I went to South High School and then I attended the University of Minnesota, where I received a highly technical degree in music theory and composition.
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How to get ahold of me: You don’t need to capitalize the RNA part; that’s just for clarity. You can find me on Twitter and email. I’ve put a hashtag in the corner that you can use if you want to discuss this talk on social media.
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I believe both the slides and a video of this talk will be available about a month after the conference. They are going to handle that and, even better, I mean they are being live-streamed, so if you want to reference them, please do. I encourage all of you to give me feedback, as this is only the second time I’ve given this talk.
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The first time was about three years ago at the Lead Developer Conference in London. I thought it would be a one-off thing, but the feedback I received was so encouraging that I decided to apply to give this talk again. I’ve included a lot more content this time and I’m diving deeper into several areas that I didn’t get a chance to cover before.
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I would really appreciate your feedback, as it means a lot to me and is probably true for every speaker you see at the conference. Additionally, I want to express that I truly value being at a conference with a strong code of conduct; it’s important to me. If there’s anything in my talk that feels unwelcoming, I want to know about it so I can avoid making the same mistake again.
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If you have feedback on how things could be better or anything like that, I would love to hear it because I believe this talk has helped people, and I want to continue to do so without anything getting in the way.
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All right, I would like to talk about how to improve our conversations. According to Google, conversation is defined as an exchange. This is the key word that I want all of us to pay attention to: exchanged.
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Conversations are not meant to be one-way exchanges; they involve multiple ideas. If we want to bring diverse sets of expertise from our teams to bear on our goals, individuals don't just need to be heard; their ideas must interact. There needs to be a back-and-forth which often occurs through conversations.
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What I specifically want to talk about is how that back-and-forth occurs. We're going to dive into two related systems: the first is flow control, by which I mean who gets to talk, when they get to talk, and how that decision is made. The second is consensus modeling, which involves how we figure out what the group wants.
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Starting with flow control, how does everyone involved in a conversation determine who will speak and when? The short answer is that we all do it collectively, but the person currently talking usually wields the most decision-making power. In fact, we are doing that right now.
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This is a one-way conversation and I appreciate the irony of discussing a one-way conversation about having multiple ways to converse. However, feedback is happening, as I’m observing your physical cues. I’m noticing whether you are looking at me, smiling, or nodding along, which is helpful.
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The longer answer involves our capacity to think of potential hacks—things we can improve. Everyone in the room is running an algorithm in their head about who should talk and when, and then communicating their opinions through body language, short signals, and facial expressions.
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If that sounds like a mess, it often is. It generally works for most people, sometimes better for some than others. I think an example might help illustrate this, so let’s go back to Ireland.
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When I was 19 years old, I saved enough money to travel around Europe for three months on a budget. A friend who had moved to Paris offered to host me, so the stars aligned. I traveled throughout the UK, France, the Netherlands, and Germany, but something odd happened in one quiet village in Ireland called Bunclody.
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I have to clarify that this wasn’t the case for all of Ireland but specifically this one village. It was there that I first started to realise our flow control systems. This was a long time ago, so if you decide to visit Bunclody, it may have changed since then.
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I found that I couldn't hold a conversation. I'd begin talking but would soon stop abruptly. This happened repeatedly during the night. Interestingly, the locals had no issue communicating with one another.
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It was clearly a combination of me and them, and I couldn't initially figure out what was occurring. Eventually, I realized it was about conversational flow control. I would sit in the pub, attempt to chat about my travels, but whenever I tried to elaborate, I would inadvertently stop.
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The other person engaged in a different flow control system that I was not accustomed to. While I was talking about my travels, they gave me signals to indicate I could continue, like a sharp intake of breath, but since I interpreted it differently, I would stop.
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This miscommunication created a choppy dialogue, like someone trying to drive a stick shift after only using automatic. It became evident that we held different algorithms for these interactions.
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In Bunclody, the differences were startlingly clear, but often, conflicting systems just keep functioning without us noticing. Sometimes, we think we have the same algorithms, but we really don’t.
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When we do have differing systems, it can interrupt the flow of conversation. It's also to be noted that there may not even be agreement on what constitutes an optimal conversation. To be fair, even if we agreed on the same algorithms, each of us brings our own subjective importance to the conversation.
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We generally think what we have to say is important! Now, quick confession: this is not an original hack. Most of us have been employing a version of this technique since childhood. However, for various people, it feels inequitable.
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I’m going to convince you why it’s worth implementing. Let’s look at the hand signals adopted by the Occupy movement. I’ll provide some historical context about them. The Occupy movement did not invent these signals; they were actually adapted from the Quakers, who have used them in large group meetings for a long time.
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The Occupy movement took up these symbols when faced with local ordinances that hindered their use of artificial amplification. They needed a way to organize protests effectively. Hence, they created a system with a human megaphone in which one speaker would talk, and people close enough would repeat for those further away.
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However, this disrupted natural conversational flow, and they sought a new way to facilitate interaction peacefully. There are four symbols for flow control and four for consensus modeling.
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The first signal is the familiar raised hand, indicating that the individual wishes to speak next. The second signal signifies a desire to contribute to the current topic being discussed.
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The third signal, which is my favorite, is a request for clarification. It indicates that the person would like to keep participating but doesn't understand something. If someone is using an acronym, for example, this signal communicates a desire for clarification without stopping the conversation.
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The fourth signal expresses a request for the speaker to stay on topic, indicating that they might be wandering a bit. The other four symbols represent feelings—expressing disagreement or agreement, signaling enjoyment or opposition.
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In professional settings, you rarely observe signals that require stopping a conversation. Yet, including these can serve as a safety net for those who might feel unable to express that the conversation has gone into uncomfortable territory.
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It's also crucial to remember that your algorithms differ from those of others. You cannot predict what might prompt someone to want to exit a conversation. This also allows individuals the opportunity to have a positive cutoff.
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If everyone in the room is signaling agreement, then it’s a cue to stop talking, which can be an excellent tool for those who may be prone to over-explaining or struggle to gauge others’ responses.
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To demonstrate how these symbols can improve conversations, let’s examine some major flaws in our collective algorithms, namely race conditions and interrupting jerks. I am pleased I made this slide as I had previously used a more crude term.
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In conversations, we often insert small or longer pauses to signal either a desire for acknowledgment or that we’ve finished speaking. However, at times, we skip these pauses, which can cause anxiety among listeners.
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When we do not allow pauses, people feel an urgency to interrupt. This can create nervousness or irritation about the failure to find a suitable opening.
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These interruptions can amplify anxieties, especially in public speaking scenarios where the unspoken expectation to return the 'stick' in conversation is often broken. People feel a sense of unease when they're unable to contribute.
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These pauses we introduce can feel like starting pistols, marked by race conditions. Once initiated, even small latency can disrupt the flow of conversation, especially if you're connecting with others remotely.
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You notice this often when two groups of people communicate over remote connections, especially in office settings where visual cues and delays can hinder smooth exchanges.
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The symbol hack mitigates this issue by removing that startup pistol. You can raise your hand the moment you realize you want to enter the conversation without interrupting those currently speaking.
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This also allows you to listen more intently to the content being conveyed, rather than being preoccupied with anticipating a pause to jump in.
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However, even if everyone hears that starting point simultaneously, some may be faster to react. Moreover, some people won’t wait at all, leading us to address the problem of jerks.
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To clarify, not everyone skilled at interrupting is a jerk, but interrupting is generally inconsiderate. When someone jumps the gun, others often don’t bother trying to signal.
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What we see is a current speaker’s interruption, negating the efforts of those waiting to speak, disproportionately affecting marginalized voices. Again, this is where hand signals can offer assistance.
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Using hand signals means you don't need to interrupt someone else to enter the conversation. They also allow everyone to visibly acknowledge those waiting to speak, enhancing the effort towards consensus modeling.
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When you see how many people are waiting to contribute, it also gives a sense of the group’s needs. This method requires you to classify the nature of your interrupt request. For instance, if someone needs clarification, they can be prioritized over someone wanting to shift topics.
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Many individuals already instinctively prioritize contributions based on visual cues. However, skilled ideas do not inherently grant their creators the ability to fluidly enter conversation.
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Interrupting is a learned skill, and it’s one that some are rewarded for throughout their lives while others are penalized, leading to biases along sexist and racist lines.
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Allowing someone who is good at interrupting to dominate should not imply that the conversation will improve. In fact, it likely perpetuates inequities.
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Let’s discuss consensus modeling. A challenging aspect here is that in any conversation, there are usually two layers of consensus at play. The first layer is obvious—the agreement on the topic itself.
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Then there's a second layer, which isn’t as straightforward. This is where hand signals can enhance communication by clarifying whether it’s acceptable to continue discussing the topic or if it’s time to shift gears.
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Typically, both sets of consensus signals rely on body language and tone. When discussions reach a pivotal point, explicit statements often emerge to guide communication.
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These symbols function like subtitle tracks for our physical language cues and become crucial as cultural interpretations of gestures can vary widely. For instance, in Bunclody, these symbols greatly help when cultural meanings diverge.
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Additionally, neurodiverse individuals may find it more challenging to decipher body language in real time, making it harder to incorporate feedback organically into discussions.
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If you're working in technology, it's important to foster inclusivity for neurodiverse team members. If you assume you don’t encounter diverse perspectives, you may very well be contributing to this issue.
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Now, in wrapping up, I'd like to cover some points regarding how to implement these techniques properly. You can certainly do this with an explicit facilitator, like a scrum master, who serves to shepherd conversations.
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These symbols can support a facilitator's role, easing their tasks and enabling more individuals to share that responsibility. It's also essential to keep the principle of inclusivity in mind while ensuring that discussions are equitable.
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Additionally, attendees should be mindful about employing the progressive stack to prioritize marginalized voices. Essentially, you focus on hearing from those who haven’t had the spotlight yet.
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When participants raise their hands, it’s often a good indicator that they are willing to engage. However, you must remain aware that some individuals might not want to participate, and calling them out could have adverse effects.
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Every system has limitations. Importantly, if someone in your group cannot see the raised hands, or if you’re on an audio-only connection, these symbols won’t serve their intended purpose.
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Nevertheless, if you have a chatroom connected to your audio setup, entering versions of these signals within the text chat still makes sense as people can utilize them there.
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There are also several bots developed to help manage this type of interaction. These can ensure that when someone raises their hand, they are brought to the forefront of the list if they haven’t spoken yet.
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These hand signals represent one of many systems that enhance conversational flow. While other systems offer similar benefits, I appreciate the simplicity of hand signals, as they introduce inclusiveness without unnecessary complexity.
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As a final note, I’ve been inadvertently hacking you all during our discussion. The subconscious algorithms we've explored are adaptive, much like us. By discussing how different types of interrupts should be prioritized, you begin to integrate these ideas into your understanding of conversation.
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Questions arise—should you seek clarification, or is it time to shift to a different topic? It becomes easier to express these inquiries when familiarity is established.
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Remember Bunclody? The next morning, I woke up and could converse without issue; my brain adapted and found the flow. Most individuals can adjust similarly.
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As these adaptations occur, some of these techniques may become unnecessary. However, it's crucial to remember that newcomers may lack the context or understanding of your established conversational patterns.
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Be ready to revert to explicit techniques to assist them in the process. Avoid letting your new system become an exclusive secret handshake leading to confusion and disconnection.
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Your algorithms may differ significantly from new participants. Guide them effectively through these processes, providing signposts and direction, as everyone brings value.
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Lastly, be intentional about your culture and you'll reap the benefits of enhanced collaboration. Thank you for your time, I appreciate it.
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Thank you.