How Can I Move Forward When I Dont Know Where I Want To Go?

Decision Making

Mo O'Connor

1 talk

#career-development

#mentorship

#personal-development

#decision-making

#leadership

#work-life-balance

How Can I Move Forward When I Dont Know Where I Want To Go?

by Mo O'Connor

In her presentation, "How Can I Move Forward When I Don't Know Where I Want To Go?", Mo O'Connor addresses the prevalent issues of decision fatigue and career direction within the tech industry, specifically targeting individuals who may feel overwhelmed about their future career paths. Mo engages the audience with interactive prompts that reflect common struggles, such as feeling boxed into unsatisfactory roles and experiencing decision paralysis. Her talk details her personal journey from a ceramics degree to a career in tech, emphasizing the importance of recognizing personal skills and passions.

Key points discussed include:

- Audience Engagement: Mo begins by encouraging audience participation to identify common experiences related to career decision-making.

- Personal Journey: She shares her unique path, starting from managing coffee shops to moving into art consultancy, and finally transitioning to software engineering.

- Career Track Options: Mo outlines three main career tracks: Individual Contributor (IC), People Manager, and Hybrid roles, explaining the characteristics and opportunities of each.

- Individual Development Plan (IDP): She elaborates on the significance of an IDP as a tool for setting and achieving career goals, encouraging participants to create their own with managerial guidance.

- Learning through Job Applications: Mo shares insights from her own job applications, emphasizing how the interview process can serve as a valuable learning experience, regardless of the outcome.

- Reflection and Decision-Making Techniques: Mo introduces light-hearted decision-making techniques, such as flipping a coin, to help clarify feelings about career choices.

- Mentorship: She discusses the critical role of mentorship in career growth and the value of building connections within professional networks.

- Roadblocks: Mo briefly mentions potential challenges, such as lack of opportunity, social anxiety, and insufficient mentorship, that can impede career advancement.

- Looking Ahead: Toward the conclusion, she inspires the audience to see their changes in direction as positive and encourages continued self-reflection and exploration of interests.

The main takeaway from Mo's talk is the understanding that career paths are seldom linear and that it is okay to reassess and adjust goals over time. She empowers the audience to embrace uncertainty and explore what truly excites them, urging them to keep moving forward in their careers.

00:01:07.119 Thank you! So, how can I move forward when I don't know where I want to go? I want to start by doing a couple of prompts for audience participation. If you feel comfortable participating, I would love it if you would raise your hand if any of these apply to you either now or in the past. Show of hands: if you know exactly where you want to go in your career? I see no hands... Wait, I see one hand. Okay, wow! Because you’re almost done, and that’s fair

00:01:14.600 Uh, show of hands if this feels applicable to you: you have a skill that has previously boxed you into a role that you did not enjoy. Yeah, more hands. And my last one: show of hands if you've experienced decision fatigue or decision paralysis. Yeah, I want to look around — if you think that you are ever alone in decision fatigue or decision paralysis, you are not. It is very common and is becoming the new impostor syndrome that we're not talking about a lot yet, but I think we will in the future. So, hi, I'm Mo. Thank you for participating in that exercise. The last prompt resonates with me quite heavily, and it's part of why I'm here talking to you all today. I experience decision fatigue in most areas of my life, from simple things like, 'What do I want to eat for breakfast?' to, 'What do I want to do with my life?'

00:02:09.920 These decisions can affect what I’m going to do tomorrow and also what I want to achieve a year or five years from now. My career and my future are really big things that I struggle with making decisions on, and that can often affect my path forward. I use she/her pronouns, and I am currently a software engineer at Spradley in the fintech industry. I'm passionate about a couple of things: utilizing open PTO policies and mentorship. If you are interested in any of these topics and want to chat about them later, I would be happy to do so.

00:02:51.760 Before we dive in too deep, I want to share a bit about my journey and how I got here. I'm not standing up here pretending to be an expert in guiding you on career trajectories. I am just one person who has been in the tech industry and a couple of other industries, living my own experiences and climbing various ladders. I've learned a lot from those adventures and I'm collecting what I've learned to share those resources with you all today. I also want to recognize that I have a level of privilege and resources at my current company that make a lot of this possible. I recognize that some of what I am sharing may not be easily attainable for everyone as I wish it was, but my hope is that everyone here gets something out of my talk, whether that be ideas on how to map out your next steps for professional development, nuggets of wisdom to take home and ponder, or motivation to explore things that excite you.

00:03:59.440 So, let’s dive in. What are we talking about here? I'm going to start by sharing a good bit about my journey and how I got here in tech. Then, we will talk about different ways you can map out your journey. We will also discuss some potential roadblocks that you might encounter along the way. No road trip is complete without a detour, and then we’ll finish looking ahead at what’s next.

00:04:19.760 So, how did I get here? Some of you have heard a bit about this at various social events this week, so I apologize if any of this is redundant, but we’re going over it again. When I went to college, I earned a BFA in ceramics. Very random, thank you, thank you! Yes, why I chose that, I have no idea. I wish I could tell you. But it was fun at the time. When I graduated, like a lot of us, I just had student loans and that was the only thing I worried about at the moment. So, I did what you have to do: I started looking for a job. I didn't care what it was; for a very long time, I referred to my ceramics degree as my 'useless art degree.'

00:05:03.680 I was told to go to college, I went to college, and I wasn't told what degree to choose, so I went with what I enjoyed doing. After graduating, I had to figure out how to pay for my education, which I am now not using. Does that sound familiar to anybody else? Okay, cool! So, I got into the food industry, specifically coffee. I started out as a barista at a company we won’t name but they were really nice. I was organized, punctual, and a quick learner, obsessed with processes, so if you give me steps on how to do something, I will cling to them and excel. I began to move up the ladder quickly, eventually leading to management.

00:05:50.520 I ended up managing coffee shops around North Carolina for that coffee company, and they actually moved me to Durham from Charlotte, which was exciting. I had workaholic tendencies; I don’t like to say I’m a recovering workaholic because I still have some of those tendencies, but I am getting better at establishing boundaries. However, this led to burnout, which is sometimes inevitable depending on what you are doing with your life. So eventually, I made a career change. I found a company that did art consultancy for the hospitality industry in the town where I was living, and my then 'useless' art degree became useful. I still wasn't doing anything with ceramics, but I was talking to people about art and what would look nice in their spaces according to their designs for hotels or restaurants.

00:07:08.400 I started as a project manager, effectively working my way up the ladder again. There’s a pattern in these two industries and many others: to move up, you often have to go into management. This can be unfortunate if you have no interest in becoming a manager but are good at it, and people push you into these roles. And again, I had student loans, so I thought, heck yeah, I’ll take a pay raise, that sounds great. I kept being shoved into different managerial roles, which ultimately led to more burnout.

00:08:02.120 After a while, I decided to pivot again and went to a boot camp. I had a friend in a software boot camp, and I heard her experiences, what the job hunt was like, and how she got a job with awesome benefits, including open PTO and paid healthcare. It sounded like a dream! So, I went to boot camp, and by early 2019, I landed a job in tech. I've been in the industry for a little over four years and have been at my current company for almost three of those years. Now, I’m at that fork in the road again: what do I want to do? Which adventure do I want to pursue?

00:08:50.680 Do I want to stay as an individual contributor and continue moving up in seniority based on my technical knowledge? Or do I want to pursue a management position? During this talk, I want to share with you some of the tools I’ve used recently to help guide me in one direction or the other, or—spoiler alert—a little bit of both! That’s my journey; that’s how I got to be standing in front of you today. Now, let’s talk about how you can map out your path ahead.

00:09:35.680 The career track options that I've been primarily focused on are three main categories: individual contributor, people manager, or a hybrid role. An individual contributor (IC) role is a great option if you have no interest in being a people manager. It seems kind of obvious, right? But you absolutely love being in the nitty-gritty technical challenges of the code base. A people manager role is a good option if you’re passionate about leading and want to impact your team on a personal level, which is often more feasible within a company.

00:10:05.200 Then there’s the hybrid role, which can take on various shapes and forms. That’s what makes it interesting! It could be as a tech lead, focusing more on mentorship, or it can literally be some kind of split role. Startups offer positions where they might be looking for an engineering manager but expect you to continue writing code for 30 or 40% of your time. These roles can differ widely; they may not be suitable for everyone, but they are for some.

00:10:52.000 Alright, let’s discuss some resources. The six main ones I’m going to focus on may be surprising or things you haven’t heard of before. First off is your Individual Development Plan (IDP). In my experience, this is something you work closely on with your manager to develop and focus on during one-on-one meetings. Here’s my IDP from Spradley last year (2022). You can squint and maybe read it; one of my career goals within the next 12 to 18 months was to give a full talk at a conference, and another to map out a pathway to becoming a senior engineer.

00:11:46.600 So, I’m not senior yet, but we have a review cycle coming up, so fingers crossed! You will also notice that there are some blank fields, and that is intentional. This is not a one-size-fits-all form. We previously discussed decision fatigue; I don't know who I’m going to be in 3 to 5 years, so I’m not going to write down where I want to be in my career in that time frame, as it doesn’t serve me to expend energy on that. Thankfully, my manager is okay with that.

00:12:73.720 So, an IDP — has anyone here not heard of an IDP? Okay, great! Hopefully, this is a resource for you to learn about. As mentioned earlier, it’s something you work on with your manager. There are templates available for this online, so you can search for 'IDP' or 'individual development plan' and participate in setting some short-term and long-term goals for yourself. Then you come up with milestones or critical behaviors to work towards those goals.

00:13:17.840 It's likely based on the SMART plan model—goals that are measurable, actionable, and timely. Some of my goals included mentoring team members, joining the on-call rotation at my company, and attending conferences, as I want to get out into the community. Attending events like this conference contributes to that goal. It can be something as simple as interacting with your peers and can also be more critical, like learning specific tools or gaining certifications. It's something I regularly review with my manager during our monthly check-ins.

00:14:05.160 So, we would look at my IDP, discussing my progress and whether any goals have dropped off the radar. If they have, it’s a good reminder to refocus. This IDP is also great documentation for review time, as you have something written that is not a surprise during discussions with your manager. Alright, next, let’s discuss applying and interviewing.

00:14:53.720 I don’t have a dedicated image for this resource, but I did mention in my talk that there would be pictures of my dogs! So, there you go! Here’s Jackson on the left and Lydia on the right. They’re just going to hang out with us while we talk about applying to and actually interviewing for positions you might be interested in. The neat thing about applying for a job that you might not know if you actually want is that it creates a lot less pressure.

00:15:56.440 You don’t know what you don’t know, so you can learn what that role entails or discover missing pieces as you go through the process. It can open your eyes to details that maybe you weren’t aware of before. For instance, I recently had a similar experience at Spradley. An engineering manager position opened up, and my manager encouraged me to apply because of my management experience. Initially, I was hesitant because I didn't know if I truly wanted that role. But she said, 'Just go for it! What's the worst that could happen? You get a job offer and then you actually need to make a decision, or you don't get the job, but you learn a lot along the way.'

00:16:38.760 So, I will admit that while going through the interview process, I was candid with everyone, telling them I didn't know if I wanted that position. Spoiler alert: don’t do that. Turns out that if by the end of the process you really do want the job, they may not want you because they heard you say that you weren't sure. However, it worked out fine for me. By the end, I learned that I definitely did not want that job, thus making this an invaluable learning opportunity.

00:17:28.520 The experience showed me that I lacked involvement with product teams as I found during my interview sessions with some company product folks. They asked me questions about the types of interactions they would expect with an engineering manager, and I was honest — 'I don't know, I’m just an engineer!' I received feedback from my peers through this process, allowing me to evaluate what I wanted to focus on and improve on moving forward within my IDP. I recognize that I want more experience working with product teams to better inform me as an individual contributor.

00:18:20.600 So, if you find yourself interested in a position, don’t let on that you might not be interested. Okay, let’s shift away from my dogs! Next, let’s talk about semantics — has anyone here heard of that? Some may not have, and that’s cool! This was an interesting topic I learned about while attending a recent conference. An example shared really stuck with me: think about a decision that you’re trying to make. Don’t let it be so serious, like 'Should I marry this person?' Instead, keep it light-hearted. For instance, assign your options — one to heads and one to tails. I’ll flip a coin and say that it landed on heads. The moment I said, 'It’s heads,' you felt some kind of way about that, right? You might have thought, 'Oh man, I actually wanted the other one,' or 'Yes, that’s what I wanted!' That’s useful information.

00:19:11.440 Now you know that there’s something in your gut that wanted the alternative option. Alternatively, maybe you felt relief because heads was the desired option. Use that feeling to help you reflect on your career pathway. If you want to use a coin flip to help make some decisions, that’s on you, but it can give you useful insights on how you may be feeling about options you didn’t previously consider. If you’re interested in learning more about semantics, check out the speaker’s talk on YouTube.

00:20:00.840 Speaking of pros and cons, I don’t have a lot to say about this because it’s pretty straightforward. Who doesn't love a tangible list? You can use pen and paper or online tools like a mirror board. I often journal about my thoughts and decisions. Writing things down allows for processing information at a manageable pace and gives you something to revisit over time. The ‘pros’ would include advantages, benefits, and significant impacts, while ‘cons’ could cover risks, challenges, and potential impacts on others.

00:20:41.800 As you consider the ramifications of taking a new position, think of the overall picture. For example, accepting a role might mean relocating which can complicate family matters. Memories of fulfilling past experiences, building relationships with colleagues, and mentorship can all help inform how you approach new positions. If you're in a good place and feel empowered, nothing should hold you back. Mentorship is another important topic I could elaborate on for a while, especially after attending RailsConf in Atlanta. The talks revolved around mentorship and really inspired me. I’ve been on a break from mentorship but feel revitalized to jump back in after hearing Adam Cuppy's talk.

00:21:40.480 Mentorship can take many forms and vary based on how much I can commit. If you missed RailsConf, I strongly recommend you look up the talks, including Adam's insights on mentoring in three acts, which cover mentor and mentee archetypes. The level of involvement in mentorship could range from making an effort for an hour a week to once a month. There's something out there for everyone. Connection with others who've had interesting professional journeys can be invaluable.

00:22:48.280 Building relationships with individuals in roles you’re curious about can provide great insights. You are at a conference right now, which is an excellent opportunity to connect. Additionally, local meetups and online communities like Women Who Code can be great avenues to explore. Cold contacting people via LinkedIn can also yield surprising results. Just don’t accidentally call someone like I often do due to app glitches!

00:23:15.720 Ultimately, you have to assess your own experiences and be self-reflective. All the resources in the world will not help if you don't consider your own unique experiences. For instance, discover what excites you. Do you really get excited about squashing bugs? Think about your feelings surrounding meetings — if you dislike them, a people management role might not be for you! Be honest with yourself about what you want.

00:24:12.240 As we approach potential roadblocks, I won’t delve too deep into each one as they could create their own discussions. But let’s touch briefly on lack of opportunity. There are more individual contributor roles than engineering managerial positions, so if you’re interested in management, you may find a lack of open roles, especially if you love your current company. It may be necessary to either stay the course or find a new opportunity if nothing opens up.

00:25:40.040 Social anxiety can similarly hinder efforts to network and interview. For instance, I cannot do live coding challenges during interviews — it's not a true representation of my abilities! If I look to change jobs, I have to balance that emotional toll. The same goes for the hurdles that arise in networking opportunities at conferences. It’s crucial to address that social anxiety can be a major roadblock. Lack of mentorship at your organization can be frustrating, but know that mentorship opportunities exist outside your job.

00:26:48.640 Lack of representation is another significant issue especially in management; it can stifle aspirations to pursue that direction. Decision fatigue causes paralysis in moving forward, which we’ve discussed. Lastly, lack of support at your company, especially from your manager, can create a roadblock in determining a career path. Having a poor relationship with management can hinder your progress regardless of your clarity on which direction to take.

00:27:25.560 Now, looking ahead, I’ve shared my journey, and if it resonates at all, I hope it provides some hope that you aren’t alone. We’ve reviewed resources that’ve helped me along the way, and I’m currently comfortable with the direction I’m heading. I’m pursuing a hybrid role; I don’t aspire to be a people manager, but I’m passionate about mentorship. I aim to develop my technical skills as an individual contributor while taking on mentorship opportunities.

00:28:47.360 What’s next for all of you? I encourage you to dig deep and reflect: what do you want to be when you grow up? What excites you at this moment? Understand that this might change in a year—but that’s okay! Connect with peers, leaders, and even strangers, asking questions and exploring what’s out there. Go for it! You’re permitted to change your mind; I’ve found that incredibly freeing. You can make a decision now and revise it later.

Blue Ridge Ruby 2023