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Without further ado, if I could, I'd like to introduce Third Coast Comedy. Thank you all so much for coming out and seeing us today. We're excited to be a part of the Ruby Conference. We are going to be doing improv, as you heard, which means everything you're about to see for the next half hour is going to be completely made up on the spot with the help of your suggestions.
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So we'll be coming to you throughout the afternoon for those suggestions. But on the count of three, I just want to get warmed up and get to know each other better. Everyone just shout your name out for me on the count of three. One, two, three!
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Fantastic! I heard Margarette and Phil. Nice to meet you all! So, the first thing we're going to do is get a round of applause from anyone who has seen a play before. And how about a round of applause for anyone who has actually written a play before? Wow, we have some playwrights in the audience!
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So, what was the name of your play? Ah, 'It Was a Long Time Ago' - that's a great name! Today, we're going to write a play, but first, we need to get our improvisers out of here. I need one person to stand up and go outside with our improvisers so they can't hear what we're talking about.
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On the count of three, we're going to tell our improvisers to get out of here. Ready? One, two, three! If I can have one person step outside, we can start preparing. Excellent, we’re ready to go. Now, once they leave, I’ll need some suggestions from all of you.
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First, let’s start with some of your favorite song lyrics. For instance, mine would be 'Hit Me Baby One More Time' or 'Oops, I Did It Again.' Shout out some of your favorite lyrics! 'Twist and Shout,' 'Pour Some Sugar On Me' - great choices!
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Now how about some of your favorite movie quotes? For example, 'I'll Be Back' or 'You Can’t Handle the Truth' are classics. What else do you have? 'There’s a Beverage Here, Man' or 'Aim for the Bushes' – great, keep 'em coming!
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Now, I need some physical activities you’d like to see our improvisers perform, such as doing burpees, high-fiving, or chopping wood. But we want some emotion to go with chopping wood! How about a romantic lead chopping wood? Excellent! Give me another physical activity!
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Roller skating? Fantastic! And what emotion should we see with roller skating? Curiosity, alright! Now one more physical activity – mowing the lawn! And what emotion? I heard 'sad,' that works perfectly.
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Let's bring our improvisers back in! On the count of three, let's say, 'Come back in here!' Ready? One, two, three! Come back in here! Excellent! Now, the last thing I need from you all is a title for this play that has never been written before. What can you suggest?
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'It Was a Long Time Ago' - thank you very much! Now, I present to you the opening and closing of our play, 'It Was a Long Time Ago.'
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'It's good to see you after all these years!' 'I suppose it is. You look the exact same as the day I broke your heart.' 'Thank you, I’ve worked very hard.'
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'Let me see the back of your head. Sorry, that's not the kind of relationship we have.' 'I just… I don’t want too much knowledge at one time.' 'No, just dangerous nowadays.' 'Look at you, though! I mean, you're so frail. You're the smartest person I know!' 'I don't know if I want to be like you.'
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'I've been trying to end it for 47 years!' 'Let me help you.' 'I get it, you want to put me in a big mason jar.' 'No, just take a glance!' 'Oh, it's like a cage of clear glass!'
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Alright, you all have been hearing a lot of keynotes and expert speakers. We've got a panel of experts here that we've brought to this conference to answer any questions you have about anything in life. This is your chance to ask and receive those answers.
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We've got three amazing panelists today. I'm going to let them introduce themselves before we start the Q&A. First, sir, could you tell us a little about yourself?
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Sure! I am Kyle Williams, a mid-2000s blockbuster manager. Good to be here! Thank you! I'm Eva, and I collect Fabergé eggs. Amazing! And you, sir?
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My name is Wyatt. I just finished my sophomore year at Ball State – go Balls! I also just dropped out of economics and finished one semester of CSS, and I'm finishing that too. Fantastic!
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Alright, let’s hear it for our panel of experts! Who has a question they've always wanted to know the answer to? Perhaps about the meaning of life or what happens after death? Or, who is God?
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Let’s start with the first expert. Who is God? Well, there are a number of different representations of God. Morgan Freeman has often played God in films, but really, I would say God is the big budget companies and studios that are sort of taking over.
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I don’t want to go on a rant about independent movies, but I think they are playing God in many ways with their takeover of artistic endeavors. Yes, indeed!
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Wyatt, what do you think? 'God' has a different definition for me. It's Adam Dithers, the founding father of Pike. He created test banks, and that has been our savior ever since.
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Anyone have relationship advice or personal life advice they need? Yes, what's the machine to impress the most ladies at the gym? I think we all want to know that! At the gym, I recommend using the herb – it's all about getting in shape.
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But if you're trying to impress, go for the leg press – ten times out of ten! Thank you, Wyatt. Any other questions? Yes, Thanksgiving is King. Any questions about Thanksgiving or family?
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Yes, I've got two teenagers. They just don’t seem to appreciate anything anymore. They want everything instantly! Sounds like boarding school is the answer. I feel that - my girlfriend Daphne just told me we'll be having two teenagers too.
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Now, we need two volunteers from the audience. You won’t have to say anything; just come on up! I see two people in the middle. Let’s give them a round of applause!
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Hello, what’s your name? Dion? Great! And your name? Monica. Alright! Monica will be paired with Luke, and Dion, you will be paired with Alison. They will perform a scene, but they won’t be able to move their own bodies.
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Instead, you will move their body parts as they need. Keep up! Were you gentle with them? They are not only performers but are also human – we have shows this weekend.
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Can I get a relationship type, non-familial, to work with for this scene? How about a student and teacher? Perfect! Moving on!
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'You're not doing so well.' 'I've stopped trying. I can do everything by myself. I don’t want too much knowledge at one time.' 'Dangerous nowadays.' 'Look at you, though! You're the smartest person I know!' 'I don’t want to be like you!' 'I've been trying to end it for 47 years.' 'Let me help you!'
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'I’ll put you in a mason jar. Just take a glance!' For this next piece, we need two volunteers willing to let us use their phone to read a text thread.
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Now we will be reading that out loud. Does anyone have a group text or a juicy text thread? Let’s see it! Alright! You’ve got it pulled up. We will not go any further on your phone, just that one thread.
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Keep it good. Is it in German? Alright, here we go! My friend will only be able to say what’s on the phone while his partner can say whatever he wants!
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So let’s get started with a suggestion! Can I have a location that would be fitting for this scene? A subway platform? Perfect!
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'Welcome back, long time no see! Looks like my 40th birthday party will be happening Saturday evening, December 21st.' 'Are you coming?' 'I hope to see you there!'
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'There are too many German speakers around here!' 'Hi! What's up?' 'Glad you're here!'
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'Is it hard to let your bartender know you appreciate them from time to time?' 'I think we're out of pilsners!' 'Alright, are you going to be in Portland over Christmas?'
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'I want to relax and ditch this old saloon life! I want to enjoy the pine trees!' 'Are you coming or not?' 'Seriously, we want you there!'
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Alright, for this next piece, we need two more volunteers. Nothing scary, just come up and help our actors with their next scene!
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We want sound effects from you for our next scene. Nothing is a wrong choice. Let’s give it a shot!
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A suggestion for the scene, please! Something like an airplane? Cool!
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'Please be careful; my bag and dog are already up there!' 'It's your trip, and he hates to be petted.'
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'Did you just break wind?' 'I don't think that's appropriate!' 'Just a little misunderstanding.'
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The performers nailed it. Thank you all for your great energy!
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Finally, we'd like to indulge everyone's fantasy of becoming a stand-up comedian! We’ll do it totally improvised based on your suggestions.
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Can I get a non-sexual object suggestion? A spatula? Right on, here we go!
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'185 Germans walk into a bar and the bartender says, ‘You got anything to munch?’ Well, it’s all very German!'
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'Let’s switch it up again. Got any other suggestions?' 'How about a chimney sweep?'
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'I like my men like I like my chimney sweeps - they are good at going up or down!'
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Finally, thank you all so very much for coming here today. Another round of applause for Third Coast Comedy Club!
