Talks
Juggling Children... and Rubies
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Juggling Children... and Rubies
by Evan MachnicIn the talk titled Juggling Children... and Rubies, Evan Machnic shares his personal experiences on balancing the demanding roles of parenthood and a career as a Ruby developer. As a full-time employee at Engine Yard, video creator for Code TV, and maintainer of RailsInstaller, Evan highlights the challenges of managing professional responsibilities alongside family life. He presents several key points to help navigate this balance:
- You Cannot Do Everything: Evan emphasizes the importance of recognizing limitations, especially when juggling familial responsibilities and a job.
- Daily Routine: He provides insight into his daily life, which starts with getting his children ready for school before working a 9-to-5 job.
- Shift in Priorities: After losing a job post-college, he transitioned into freelancing and faced difficulties with work-life balance, ultimately leading him to find a structured role at Engine Yard.
- Family Coordination: Effective communication and shared calendars with his spouse were crucial for managing schedules and obligations.
- Incorporating Family Time: Scheduling quality family time without distractions is vital for maintaining relationships.
- Self-Care: He acknowledges the significance of exercise, rest, and personal time to recharge and enhance productivity.
- Consistency in Work Hours: Establishing dedicated work hours helps achieve flow and focus during the workday.
- Small Changes Matter: Adopting small adjustments, such as going to bed earlier, can significantly improve one’s daily life.
- Key Quote: Evan closes the session with a quote from David Allen: "You can do anything, but not everything," reinforcing the importance of prioritizing effectively.
This talk serves as both a personal narrative and practical guide for others in similar situations, advocating for prioritization, effective communication, and self-care as essential strategies for balancing professional goals and family obligations.
00:00:00.400
So, this talk is basically a platform for me to talk about myself.
00:00:08.480
My name is Evan Machnic, and I work as what's called a 'Panda' at Engine Yard. This basically means I work with customers, bring them on board, and help them deploy their applications. I also do professional services work, so if we have a client that maybe doesn't have the resources or time to do something on our platform, they can contract us to do the work for them.
00:00:13.440
The main thing I want you to take away from this talk, if you take away absolutely nothing else, is that you cannot do everything. So, of all the people with kids, how many actually have a job? All right, yeah, a lot of people have jobs—that's good. If you're a student, that's cool too because being a student while having kids is basically a full-time job times two.
00:00:43.440
Real quick, a little bit of background about myself so you get an idea of where I'm coming from. I am not a typical programmer. I'm 31 years old, which may be ancient by programmer standards. I also have a wife and kids—I live in Daytona Beach, which is not exactly a technology hub. If you've ever been down there, it’s more about surfing and doing absolutely anything besides programming. I also have two kids and one on the way, so it’s going to be three kids pretty soon.
00:01:00.480
Has anyone seen this typical guy who can code all day long? He looks pretty happy doing it, right? He's your average 20-something programmer, but that's not me. My typical day begins with getting up around six o'clock in the morning. Sometimes I hit the snooze button, but usually, I get up pretty early. I have to get both of my kids ready for school, which involves getting them through the shower, dressed, and to the bus stop by 7:10 for my six-year-old. Heaven forbid I get there late and have to drive him to school! My two-year-old has to be at school by 8:30. If I don’t get the older one to the bus stop on time, the entire morning is screwed up.
00:01:45.919
From nine to five, I work my day job at Engine Yard. I usually take about an hour for lunch. At five o'clock, everyone is back home, and I make dinner. I love my wife, but she knows about three different meals, so if I’m not cooking, we’re probably going out for dinner. After making dinner, and once everyone has eaten and cleaned up, we wrestle with the kids to get them to bed. If you've ever tried to get little kids ready for bed, you know it’s like fighting to get them in the shower and to get their pajamas on. We try to get them down by about eight o'clock on a good night.
00:02:41.120
After that, it’s quality time with my wife, which lasts about an hour to an hour and a half until she passes out because she's pregnant. That's when my personal development time happens. I get to read a book, or I might do some programming. I also make videos for Code TV, so that's my time to do that kind of work. I usually hit the bed around eleven or eleven-thirty and get up to do it all over again the next day.
00:03:00.800
While I do have a pretty good routine, I'm going to share a story that I haven't told before to anyone outside of my wife. I was fired from my first job right out of college in 2009. I got a job for an internet marketing company down in Sarasota, Florida, which is right south of Tampa.
00:03:08.240
If you’ve ever seen those one-page ads with diet pills and that type of stuff trying to sell you things, that’s what we used to build. I would sit for hours each day coding HTML, PHP, and classic ASP—if anyone remembers how scary that was.
00:03:39.600
I was not exactly a model employee by any means. One day, my wife took my son to a doctor's appointment, and I had to be there, so I took my lunch break as normal. I thought it might be a little late coming back from the appointment, but it ended up taking a couple of hours. At that point, I decided to just take the rest of the day off. This was a consistent pattern with that job; I always prioritized my family's needs over my job, and my job ended up suffering.
00:04:06.280
In January 2010, I got the pink slip, which is always fun, especially after moving my entire family for a specific job. Like any respectable developer who doesn’t have a steady job, I became a freelancer.
00:04:22.720
Is anyone here a freelancer? If so, how hard is it just to even get going initially? Much less to actually get enough paying jobs to cover your bills!
00:04:38.639
For about a year and a half, I did this freelance gig. I picked up a couple of jobs here and there, but I suffered from the same exact issues as my last job. I kept trying to put my family first, and my work always lagged behind. It was a struggle to find that actual balance. Have you ever been in this situation where you think you can work with a kid at home? That’s not an effective way to actually get good work done.
00:05:07.680
So, after about a year and a half, I got hired at Engine Yard in June 2011. At this point, I had an important conversation with my wife. I said, 'Look, you're working full-time, and I’m starting a new job. We both need to be successful at our jobs, but we also have to prioritize our family's needs.' This was a significant adjustment because we were both competing for time when the kids got sick or had doctor appointments.
00:05:34.800
We ended up putting my son in full-time school. After a lot of time and coordination, we finally got to a point where we were both doing well, and we established a good routine.
00:06:02.520
As I figured out how to balance work and life, I picked up some tips over the years, and while this may differ for everyone, I hope you pick something up from this. Family time is one of the most important things. I think a lot of times you must actually schedule family time. It may sound silly, but sometimes you may have to block out time on your calendar for this distraction-free time.
00:06:10.240
That means no emails, Twitter, Facebook—all that kind of stuff. You really need to take time to be with your family without distractions. The 'Do Not Disturb' feature on the iPhone is fantastic. You can also use tools like a Chrome extension that pauses your Gmail inbox, so it won't bombard you with notifications. What I do is pause everything at five o'clock, and in the morning, I can check my emails without being distracted throughout the day.
00:06:49.920
It's also important to have coordination, especially with your spouse. You'll need to ensure that everyone knows what's going on at all times and share the responsibilities. This can be a hard thing for guys to grasp since we typically want to take everything on ourselves. However, it's essential to say, 'I can’t do this errand, I need you to handle that.' There might be some disagreements about that, but there needs to be a balance.
00:07:10.720
One way we make it work is through shared calendars and meeting invites. If my wife has a hair appointment, I ensure to add it to my calendar. That way, we both know what's going on. We do the same for our kids' activities, like swimming practice and surfing lessons, so we have a clear idea of our schedules.
00:07:40.960
Exercise is another significant factor. None of us is getting enough exercise, but being sedentary can be detrimental to our health. You have to get up and do something. One of my colleagues takes 20 minutes to walk in the morning. It’s important to clear your mind during those times.
00:08:05.520
This is what I enjoy: paddleboarding. My two-year-old is finally old enough to stand on the board with me, and I enjoy being out on the water. I get up early, before everything gets crazy, and practice paddleboarding. Even if it's just for 15 minutes, it’s good exercise and clears my head.
00:08:26.880
Rest is just as important as exercise. If you don’t get enough rest, you are not doing yourself or your employer any favors. Studies show that work productivity increases with adequate paid vacation time. If you are an employer and you’re not providing paid vacation time—that’s terrible! And if you are an employee who hasn’t taken time off in years, you need to block out that time and step away from work.
00:08:42.720
Even just going to bed 30 minutes earlier can make a huge difference. This gives you the time you need to refresh. Secluding yourself can help focus, especially for those who work from home. If you need to drown out distractions, headphones can be a must.
00:09:11.920
I have my garage where I can work undisturbed. I normally work throughout the house, but if I need to hunker down to get serious work done, I head to the garage.
00:09:32.880
Consistency in work hours is key. If you work at different times of each day, you will never achieve the flow needed to be productive. Having designated work hours and letting everyone know that you’re working from nine to five is essential. If there’s an emergency, like a house fire, of course, they can interrupt, but you need uninterrupted time to get work done.
00:10:04.480
It’s also vital to allocate some me-time. On Sunday mornings, I like to make breakfast and play the ukulele for a little while outside, away from everyone. It’s important to have personal time to do things you love, as it can make a world of difference.
00:10:24.360
For instance, I use Duolingo to learn a new language for about 15-20 minutes a day while letting my dog out in the backyard. It’s a great way to keep my mind engaged while multitasking of taking care of my dog. Another tip—reading on the toilet. If you have no other time to read during the day, keep a book or an iPad in the bathroom. You might be surprised at how much you can read there.
00:10:54.480
The overarching idea is to make small changes. You can look at all these tips and implement one or two at a time. For example, try going to sleep 30 minutes earlier or waking up 15 minutes earlier to get a jump on your day.
00:11:14.480
In conclusion, I want to leave you with a quote from David Allen that I really like. Take it home, reflect on it, and think about what it means for you: 'You can do anything, but not everything.'
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