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RailsConf 2019 - Plays Well with Others: How to Stop Being a Jerk Today by Jesse Belanger
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Society acts as though jerks are incapable of changing their bad behavior, as though somebody called .freeze on them. We devise all kinds of strategies for avoiding or placating them, even at the expense of others' happiness.

What if it didn't have to be that way?

This talk approaches jerks as the mutable objects all people are. If you think you might be a jerk, or if you're looking for a new approach to the jerks in your life, this talk is for you! We'll cover what makes a jerk and what the positive alternative looks like. You'll leave with a set of practical ways to defuse negative urges, hold yourself accountable, and transform your behavior in a variety of situations, such as meetings, disagreements, or when things go wrong.

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In his talk titled "Plays Well with Others: How to Stop Being a Jerk Today" at RailsConf 2019, Jesse Belanger addresses the often overlooked issue of negative behaviors in workplaces. He argues that everyone is capable of change and encourages individuals to take responsibility for their actions instead of merely accommodating those who exhibit jerk-like behavior.

Key Points Discussed:
- **Definition of a Jerk**: Belanger emphasizes that being a jerk is characterized by a pattern of behavior that negatively impacts the morale, confidence, and energy of others. He cites an academic definition by Robert Sutton, which describes jerks as those whose actions lead others to feel devalued or afraid.
- **Introspect, Interact, Iterate Pattern**: To transform interactions, he introduces a three-step framework:  
  - **Introspect**: Understand your emotions and motives before engaging in a conversation. Recognize feelings such as anger or sadness that may affect your interactions.
  - **Interact**: Engage actively with the other person, practice active listening, and focus on a collaborative dialogue rather than pushing personal agendas.
  - **Iterate**: After interactions, reflect on the conversation’s impact, solicit feedback, and make necessary adjustments to improve future encounters.
- **Application in Real Scenarios**: Belanger provides practical applications of his framework across various situations like meetings, disagreements, code reviews, and crises. For instance, during meetings, he suggests setting clear roles and encouraging input from all participants, especially those from marginalized groups.
- **Handling Disagreements**: He advises understanding initial reactions during conflicts and recognizing one's own biases while striving to resolve differences collaboratively.
- **Learning from Mistakes**: Belanger stresses that mistakes should be treated as learning opportunities rather than grounds for blame, and he encourages a culture of forgiveness and growth in the workplace.
- **Encouragement of Self-Improvement**: He concludes by stating the importance of ongoing self-awareness, support from peers and managers, and the necessity of venturing to teach others the methods learned, thereby fostering a positive environment.

Overall, Jesse Belanger's talk serves as a guide to recognizing and reforming jerk behaviors, emphasizing the collective responsibility of all to create a supportive and productive work culture.

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