REACT to Imposter Syndrome

RubyConf AU 2023

Prakriti Mateti

2 talks

#technical-leadership

#emotional-intelligence

REACT to Imposter Syndrome

by Prakriti Mateti

In the talk "REACT to Imposter Syndrome", Prakriti Mateti, a Director of Engineering at Culture Amp, shares her personal experiences with imposter syndrome, a phenomenon where individuals feel like a fraud despite their achievements. The discussion centers on how imposter syndrome can affect people at all stages of their careers, particularly in the tech industry, where 70% of individuals have experienced similar feelings at some point.

Key Points Discussed:

Definition of Imposter Syndrome: Mateti explains that imposter syndrome can manifest as a fear of being exposed as a fraud, attributing success to luck, and feeling undeserving of accomplishments.
Personal Anecdotes: She shares her journey from a successful programming student to questioning her capabilities in her professional life, struggling with self-doubt even in leadership positions.
Widespread Experience: The speaker emphasizes that self-doubt is common, especially among high-achieving women in tech, but it can affect anyone.
Feedback and Recognition: Mateti highlights that feedback from peers often contradicts negative self-perceptions, showing that external validation can help combat these feelings.
Systemic Factors: She encourages attendees to consider whether feelings of inadequacy stem from personal doubt or systemic biases that exist in workplace environments for underrepresented groups.
Five Steps to Overcome Imposter Syndrome (REACT):
- R: Record successful outcomes and feedback for self-acknowledgment.
- E: Evaluate negative thoughts and question the assumptions that led to them.
- A: Ask trusted individuals for their opinions to gain perspective.
- C: Challenge the assumptions with factual data from your recorded experiences.
- T: Transform negative thoughts into affirming statements based on evidence.

Conclusions and Takeaways:

Mateti concludes that it’s crucial to acknowledge and reflect on feelings of imposter syndrome while taking deliberate steps to combat them. By systematically addressing negative thoughts and building confidence through reflection and affirmation, individuals can work towards greater mental health and professional fulfillment.

00:00:00.020 Hello everyone, I'm Prakriti. You get to hear it in my accent! I work at Culture Amp as a Director of Engineering.

00:00:06.600 Today, I will share some of my personal experiences with imposter syndrome, and I'll walk you through a five-step process that I've created to help combat it.

00:00:12.240 I hope it will be helpful to you as well. That was the introduction I prepared for you today, which I've been practicing.

00:00:23.580 However, as I was delivering this pre-prepared introduction, another narrative was running through my head.

00:00:35.040 It goes something like this: 'Hi, I'm Prakriti. That part is solid; it's always there. The rest is a bit different. I don't know why I'm doing this.'

00:00:46.559 I'm not an expert on imposter syndrome; I'm just an engineering leader, like some or many of you in this room. Who am I to suggest strategies to about 300 people? I'm wasting your time, and you'll definitely think this talk is extremely lame.

00:01:00.600 Does that resonate? Does it feel familiar to anyone? Have you experienced this kind of self-talk before? I see a few heads nodding.

00:01:13.500 I was actually chatting with one of the ex-Culture Amp employees about how I really enjoyed two of the talks from this morning and felt like it would be hard to follow them up because they were better than this talk.

00:01:26.040 He asked, 'Are you experiencing imposter syndrome?' Yes, that is exactly what I was experiencing.

00:01:42.180 Let's agree on the definition before we go too far: imposter syndrome describes someone who feels like a fraud.

00:01:52.740 Even if people are successful at what they do, if you have imposter syndrome, you sometimes feel like your success is undeserved. You may fear being exposed as an imposter, someone who has fooled everyone into thinking you're competent or capable.

00:02:12.900 You often diminish your achievements by attributing them to luck. People with imposter syndrome will say things like, 'I was just in the right place at the right time.'

00:02:27.260 These are some essential traits of imposter syndrome that many of you may have felt before, and I certainly have experienced them.

00:02:36.720 Carol Lieberman, a psychiatrist and author, stated that most people experience some self-doubt when facing new challenges.

00:02:43.140 However, someone with imposter syndrome has an all-encompassing fear that they will be found out for not having what it takes.

00:02:55.379 People with imposter syndrome often bend over backwards looking for perfection and, when they do succeed at something, they think about how all the effort and anxiety they put in led to their success.

00:03:11.340 I don't know whether I have imposter syndrome or not. What I do know is that I was really good at programming when I was at university.

00:03:26.220 I taught people in my class because the teacher was incompetent; I genuinely excelled. But when I joined my first tech job, I spent my first two years in the industry feeling like I was really bad at my job.

00:03:45.180 This isn't being self-effacing; I have performance reviews from that time that reflect I was not doing well.

00:04:04.379 Many years have passed since then, and now I am a Director of Engineering. During this time, I've had opportunities to work at several amazing companies.

00:04:18.180 I've been surrounded by capable, motivated, and intelligent people who embody a growth mindset.

00:04:29.639 Sometimes, I have felt like I don't belong in this group, questioning whether I'm as skilled or motivated as others or if I'm driven enough.

00:04:48.300 Currently, I'm leading a few engineering teams at Culture Amp. I know for sure I'm not the best programmer on those teams—it's laughable! I am not even the median programmer on those teams.

00:05:06.960 I recognize that I'll never be that person in my career, but even back when I was a software engineer, I was never the best engineer on my team, even when I was the tech lead.

00:05:20.759 I've had great opportunities, but I sometimes question what I did to deserve them.

00:05:33.420 This ties closely to what I read about imposter syndrome, which resonates with my experience.

00:05:54.360 I still feel self-conscious about not being the best programmer or most technical person in my environment.

00:06:09.840 I do worry that the engineers in my teams might not view me as their leader because I'm not an active code contributor.

00:06:36.600 I fear losing their respect, and I believe being a woman and an immigrant makes that worse; it can feel like being an outsider in this industry.

00:06:56.940 Unfortunately, women in tech are often perceived as non-technical, which exacerbates the problem.

00:07:13.080 Recently, I received some feedback from my team, and I want to share some quotes from that feedback. An engineer said, 'She consistently has a solid grasp on the technical status of the project and offers good ideas in technical discussions.'

00:07:30.840 Another team member said, 'She is a very technical engineer, so we benefit from her skills in technical decision making.'

00:07:49.980 Yesterday, someone who is rolling off from Culture Amp said to me, 'I'm confident that 2023 will be a good year for technical change in the performance product, and that's in no small part due to your leadership.'

00:08:20.760 This feedback makes me consider that maybe some of my fears are unfounded, or perhaps they're just big liars.

00:08:31.920 Now, there is no test that I know of to diagnose imposter syndrome, but how do you know when you have it?

00:08:41.760 It is possible that you may just suck at your job right now; we all have ups and downs. Sometimes, we're just not doing our best, but how do you differentiate between the two?

00:09:02.760 I want you to stay for the entire talk to explore this question.

00:09:10.920 I interviewed for my current role at Culture Amp a year ago. At the time, I was an Engineering Manager leading three engineering teams at Zendesk.

00:09:29.520 This role was for a Director of Engineering managing a group of six engineering teams, which was a step up for me.

00:09:43.860 It can be challenging to know what you are doing well and what you are not doing well, especially when receiving conflicting feedback.

00:09:54.600 Some people told me I was ready for the next step, while others thought I wasn’t ready or had much to learn.

00:10:06.120 It was a confusing time for me.

00:10:13.500 Then I joined Culture Amp, and this is the engineering leadership team here. It was a fantastic team with intelligent and capable people.

00:10:28.560 They were much more experienced than I was when I joined. I attended an on-site session with them, and I was impressed by what they had achieved.

00:10:43.680 Again, I wondered if I belonged in this group. I was quite impressed, yet doubting my fit. My Photoshop skills, however, may suggest otherwise!

00:11:10.560 Since taking on this role, I have made several improvements, but there have also been many setbacks.

00:11:23.220 Some days, I feel like I can achieve anything I set my mind to, while other days, I question the tangible impact I've had.

00:11:43.340 In leadership, it can be challenging to point to measurable achievements that showcase how good you are at your job.

00:12:05.579 It's funny; we are currently in performance review season, and if you're listening, boss, I'm looking forward to my performance review!

00:12:12.660 There are plenty more stories that I could share, full of anecdotes; feel free to find me in the hallway if you want to hear more.

00:12:18.840 But I won’t bore you with everything; I believe you understand what I'm getting at with these experiences.

00:12:36.420 These experiences can create uncertainty, which over time can develop into a fear of failure.

00:12:48.420 The good news is that it's not just me; 70% of people worldwide have felt like an imposter at some point in their lives.

00:12:56.640 It's okay to feel this way. It’s not limited to people in tech; it’s a universal experience.

00:13:12.600 Studies suggest that imposter syndrome is particularly common among high-achieving women, and while I’m not claiming to be one, I definitely resonate with the sentiment.

00:13:27.240 There is also overwhelming data suggesting that overcoming imposter syndrome can lead to increased happiness and success at work.

00:13:35.220 One study found that imposter syndrome feelings were stronger predictors of poor mental health compared to the stress of underrepresented minority status.

00:13:51.960 Don't worry; it will get better from here! It's okay to occasionally doubt yourself.

00:14:06.900 I've definitely gotten lucky in landing this job and other opportunities, but I'm committed to working hard to be successful.

00:14:19.539 If I feel like I don't belong, I can dig a little deeper to understand why.

00:14:30.600 It's important to recognize the moments of luck and privilege we've experienced in our lives.

00:14:40.079 We all have our unique journeys that brought us to this point, and while we can acknowledge our privilege, it does not diminish our efforts.

00:14:54.740 It's okay to have imposter syndrome, but I don't want those feelings to linger. This is why I designed the steps I will share now.

00:15:10.380 As I segue into the five steps I've been teasing, I want to note that if you feel like an imposter or think you may have imposter syndrome, please use these steps and share them with others.

00:15:29.100 If you belong to an underrepresented minority group, take a moment to ask yourself whether it is imposter syndrome you feel or if it’s systemic bias.

00:15:42.600 There is extensive literature on how we should help individuals overcome imposter syndrome, but we must also address systemic biases.

00:15:57.660 So, please leverage these steps, teach them to your friends and colleagues, but also reflect on the environment that might be contributing to your feelings of uncertainty.

00:16:13.080 Now, here are the five steps: when imposter syndrome strikes, you R.E.A.C.T.

00:16:26.160 R.E.A.C.T. is an easy acronym designed to help you remember the five steps you can implement at any time.

00:16:43.920 Now for the rest of this talk, I'm going to take you through these five steps.

00:16:55.800 Step one, the 'R' in R.E.A.C.T. is to record successful outcomes and feedback.

00:17:08.099 Does anyone do that thing in performance reviews where you listen to your manager talk about your accomplishments, while panicking and dreading what's coming next?

00:17:24.240 Can I see a show of hands? I am glad to see a few nods because I still do that.

00:17:34.500 Stop doing this! All feedback is valuable, and it deserves your attention.

00:17:43.500 This step is about recording successful outcomes and positive feedback when you receive it, whether in one-on-ones or other contexts.

00:18:02.160 Feedback does not always come in a traditional form. Any comment you receive at work can be a valuable source of feedback.

00:18:18.720 Instead of immediately forgetting feedback, try to record it as it happens. Don't just note what people say about you; also acknowledge your own successes.

00:18:36.540 Each success should be documented, even if no one acknowledges it. Write it down for yourself to build a reservoir of positive affirmation.

00:18:52.920 For example, I maintain notes on my phone about my accomplishments—whenever I get a second, I jot down my thoughts and achievements.

00:19:17.380 It's an easy practice to integrate into your routine. You can even note things before going into conversations where you seek feedback.

00:19:35.380 Creating a habit of documenting your successes allows you to counteract feelings of inadequacy.

00:19:50.760 Step two: evaluate imposter thoughts and question implicit assumptions. When a negative thought arises, write it down, along with thoughts leading to that conclusion.

00:20:05.909 For instance, if I think, 'I'm letting my team down,' I would trace back and analyze why I think that.

00:20:22.620 It's essential to highlight and question the assumptions that follow.

00:20:30.779 Have I observed behavior that justifies this thought, or am I exaggerating? By dissecting these thoughts, I can clarify my feelings.

00:20:50.879 Once you've captured your negative thoughts, try to identify how they made you feel. This step involves putting feelings down on paper about the thoughts.

00:21:07.840 Examining your feelings can be tough but is necessary.

00:21:12.839 From there, you need to question the implicit assumptions behind each negative thought.

00:21:31.860 Step three is optional: ask trusted people for their opinions. This helps when you feel trapped in negative thoughts.

00:21:54.540 It's important to ask people you trust and ensure they have context about your situation.

00:22:09.900 This validation can remind you about your capabilities and counter self-doubt.

00:22:23.400 For example, I confided in a colleague about my fears of not performing well, and he reminded me that I have good days too.

00:22:36.219 He highlighted my successes and reassured me that I got to where I am through hard work.

00:22:48.420 Step four is to challenge assumptions using the data you've gathered. Look through all the notes you've collected.

00:23:08.879 Compare your recorded experiences and feedback to your negative thoughts. Reflect on what the data says.

00:23:29.760 Ask whether the data supports or contradicts those thoughts. If there’s no backing from the data, it might be an impostor thought.

00:23:52.740 Finally, step five is to transform your imposter thought. Revise your negative thoughts into versions that reflect reality.

00:24:07.860 For example, if I initially thought, 'I’m letting my team down,' I could revise it to, 'My team is performing well, and I have received positive feedback.'

00:24:27.600 Your revised thought should align with the data you've collected about your experiences.

00:24:44.640 This process will ultimately help you to build confidence and mitigate those feelings of inadequacy.

00:25:02.460 Recapping the five steps: first, record successful outcomes and initial feedback. Don't wait for validation from others; note your successes.

00:25:19.380 Second, evaluate negative thoughts and pinpoint the implicit assumptions hidden behind them.

00:25:38.040 Third, seek opinions from trusted individuals who understand your context.

00:25:55.560 Fourth, challenge those assumptions against the data you've collected.

00:26:09.300 Finally, transform those imposter thoughts into versions that better reflect reality.

00:26:24.840 This may feel overwhelming now, but implementing these steps in your life can lead to significant improvements over time.

00:26:40.020 Don't hesitate to reach out to me in the Slack channel or find me outside if you wish to discuss this topic further.

00:26:56.639 Thank you all for listening, and I appreciate you laughing at the artisanal memes throughout my presentation.

RubyConf AU 2023