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Hello everyone, I'm Prakriti. You get to hear it in my accent! I work at Culture Amp as a Director of Engineering.
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Today, I will share some of my personal experiences with imposter syndrome, and I'll walk you through a five-step process that I've created to help combat it.
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I hope it will be helpful to you as well. That was the introduction I prepared for you today, which I've been practicing.
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However, as I was delivering this pre-prepared introduction, another narrative was running through my head.
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It goes something like this: 'Hi, I'm Prakriti. That part is solid; it's always there. The rest is a bit different. I don't know why I'm doing this.'
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I'm not an expert on imposter syndrome; I'm just an engineering leader, like some or many of you in this room. Who am I to suggest strategies to about 300 people? I'm wasting your time, and you'll definitely think this talk is extremely lame.
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Does that resonate? Does it feel familiar to anyone? Have you experienced this kind of self-talk before? I see a few heads nodding.
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I was actually chatting with one of the ex-Culture Amp employees about how I really enjoyed two of the talks from this morning and felt like it would be hard to follow them up because they were better than this talk.
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He asked, 'Are you experiencing imposter syndrome?' Yes, that is exactly what I was experiencing.
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Let's agree on the definition before we go too far: imposter syndrome describes someone who feels like a fraud.
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Even if people are successful at what they do, if you have imposter syndrome, you sometimes feel like your success is undeserved. You may fear being exposed as an imposter, someone who has fooled everyone into thinking you're competent or capable.
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You often diminish your achievements by attributing them to luck. People with imposter syndrome will say things like, 'I was just in the right place at the right time.'
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These are some essential traits of imposter syndrome that many of you may have felt before, and I certainly have experienced them.
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Carol Lieberman, a psychiatrist and author, stated that most people experience some self-doubt when facing new challenges.
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However, someone with imposter syndrome has an all-encompassing fear that they will be found out for not having what it takes.
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People with imposter syndrome often bend over backwards looking for perfection and, when they do succeed at something, they think about how all the effort and anxiety they put in led to their success.
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I don't know whether I have imposter syndrome or not. What I do know is that I was really good at programming when I was at university.
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I taught people in my class because the teacher was incompetent; I genuinely excelled. But when I joined my first tech job, I spent my first two years in the industry feeling like I was really bad at my job.
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This isn't being self-effacing; I have performance reviews from that time that reflect I was not doing well.
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Many years have passed since then, and now I am a Director of Engineering. During this time, I've had opportunities to work at several amazing companies.
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I've been surrounded by capable, motivated, and intelligent people who embody a growth mindset.
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Sometimes, I have felt like I don't belong in this group, questioning whether I'm as skilled or motivated as others or if I'm driven enough.
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Currently, I'm leading a few engineering teams at Culture Amp. I know for sure I'm not the best programmer on those teams—it's laughable! I am not even the median programmer on those teams.
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I recognize that I'll never be that person in my career, but even back when I was a software engineer, I was never the best engineer on my team, even when I was the tech lead.
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I've had great opportunities, but I sometimes question what I did to deserve them.
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This ties closely to what I read about imposter syndrome, which resonates with my experience.
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I still feel self-conscious about not being the best programmer or most technical person in my environment.
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I do worry that the engineers in my teams might not view me as their leader because I'm not an active code contributor.
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I fear losing their respect, and I believe being a woman and an immigrant makes that worse; it can feel like being an outsider in this industry.
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Unfortunately, women in tech are often perceived as non-technical, which exacerbates the problem.
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Recently, I received some feedback from my team, and I want to share some quotes from that feedback. An engineer said, 'She consistently has a solid grasp on the technical status of the project and offers good ideas in technical discussions.'
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Another team member said, 'She is a very technical engineer, so we benefit from her skills in technical decision making.'
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Yesterday, someone who is rolling off from Culture Amp said to me, 'I'm confident that 2023 will be a good year for technical change in the performance product, and that's in no small part due to your leadership.'
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This feedback makes me consider that maybe some of my fears are unfounded, or perhaps they're just big liars.
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Now, there is no test that I know of to diagnose imposter syndrome, but how do you know when you have it?
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It is possible that you may just suck at your job right now; we all have ups and downs. Sometimes, we're just not doing our best, but how do you differentiate between the two?
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I want you to stay for the entire talk to explore this question.
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I interviewed for my current role at Culture Amp a year ago. At the time, I was an Engineering Manager leading three engineering teams at Zendesk.
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This role was for a Director of Engineering managing a group of six engineering teams, which was a step up for me.
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It can be challenging to know what you are doing well and what you are not doing well, especially when receiving conflicting feedback.
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Some people told me I was ready for the next step, while others thought I wasn’t ready or had much to learn.
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It was a confusing time for me.
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Then I joined Culture Amp, and this is the engineering leadership team here. It was a fantastic team with intelligent and capable people.
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They were much more experienced than I was when I joined. I attended an on-site session with them, and I was impressed by what they had achieved.
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Again, I wondered if I belonged in this group. I was quite impressed, yet doubting my fit. My Photoshop skills, however, may suggest otherwise!
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Since taking on this role, I have made several improvements, but there have also been many setbacks.
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Some days, I feel like I can achieve anything I set my mind to, while other days, I question the tangible impact I've had.
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In leadership, it can be challenging to point to measurable achievements that showcase how good you are at your job.
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It's funny; we are currently in performance review season, and if you're listening, boss, I'm looking forward to my performance review!
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There are plenty more stories that I could share, full of anecdotes; feel free to find me in the hallway if you want to hear more.
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But I won’t bore you with everything; I believe you understand what I'm getting at with these experiences.
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These experiences can create uncertainty, which over time can develop into a fear of failure.
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The good news is that it's not just me; 70% of people worldwide have felt like an imposter at some point in their lives.
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It's okay to feel this way. It’s not limited to people in tech; it’s a universal experience.
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Studies suggest that imposter syndrome is particularly common among high-achieving women, and while I’m not claiming to be one, I definitely resonate with the sentiment.
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There is also overwhelming data suggesting that overcoming imposter syndrome can lead to increased happiness and success at work.
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One study found that imposter syndrome feelings were stronger predictors of poor mental health compared to the stress of underrepresented minority status.
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Don't worry; it will get better from here! It's okay to occasionally doubt yourself.
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I've definitely gotten lucky in landing this job and other opportunities, but I'm committed to working hard to be successful.
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If I feel like I don't belong, I can dig a little deeper to understand why.
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It's important to recognize the moments of luck and privilege we've experienced in our lives.
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We all have our unique journeys that brought us to this point, and while we can acknowledge our privilege, it does not diminish our efforts.
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It's okay to have imposter syndrome, but I don't want those feelings to linger. This is why I designed the steps I will share now.
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As I segue into the five steps I've been teasing, I want to note that if you feel like an imposter or think you may have imposter syndrome, please use these steps and share them with others.
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If you belong to an underrepresented minority group, take a moment to ask yourself whether it is imposter syndrome you feel or if it’s systemic bias.
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There is extensive literature on how we should help individuals overcome imposter syndrome, but we must also address systemic biases.
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So, please leverage these steps, teach them to your friends and colleagues, but also reflect on the environment that might be contributing to your feelings of uncertainty.
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Now, here are the five steps: when imposter syndrome strikes, you R.E.A.C.T.
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R.E.A.C.T. is an easy acronym designed to help you remember the five steps you can implement at any time.
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Now for the rest of this talk, I'm going to take you through these five steps.
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Step one, the 'R' in R.E.A.C.T. is to record successful outcomes and feedback.
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Does anyone do that thing in performance reviews where you listen to your manager talk about your accomplishments, while panicking and dreading what's coming next?
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Can I see a show of hands? I am glad to see a few nods because I still do that.
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Stop doing this! All feedback is valuable, and it deserves your attention.
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This step is about recording successful outcomes and positive feedback when you receive it, whether in one-on-ones or other contexts.
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Feedback does not always come in a traditional form. Any comment you receive at work can be a valuable source of feedback.
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Instead of immediately forgetting feedback, try to record it as it happens. Don't just note what people say about you; also acknowledge your own successes.
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Each success should be documented, even if no one acknowledges it. Write it down for yourself to build a reservoir of positive affirmation.
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For example, I maintain notes on my phone about my accomplishments—whenever I get a second, I jot down my thoughts and achievements.
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It's an easy practice to integrate into your routine. You can even note things before going into conversations where you seek feedback.
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Creating a habit of documenting your successes allows you to counteract feelings of inadequacy.
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Step two: evaluate imposter thoughts and question implicit assumptions. When a negative thought arises, write it down, along with thoughts leading to that conclusion.
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For instance, if I think, 'I'm letting my team down,' I would trace back and analyze why I think that.
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It's essential to highlight and question the assumptions that follow.
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Have I observed behavior that justifies this thought, or am I exaggerating? By dissecting these thoughts, I can clarify my feelings.
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Once you've captured your negative thoughts, try to identify how they made you feel. This step involves putting feelings down on paper about the thoughts.
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Examining your feelings can be tough but is necessary.
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From there, you need to question the implicit assumptions behind each negative thought.
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Step three is optional: ask trusted people for their opinions. This helps when you feel trapped in negative thoughts.
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It's important to ask people you trust and ensure they have context about your situation.
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This validation can remind you about your capabilities and counter self-doubt.
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For example, I confided in a colleague about my fears of not performing well, and he reminded me that I have good days too.
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He highlighted my successes and reassured me that I got to where I am through hard work.
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Step four is to challenge assumptions using the data you've gathered. Look through all the notes you've collected.
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Compare your recorded experiences and feedback to your negative thoughts. Reflect on what the data says.
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Ask whether the data supports or contradicts those thoughts. If there’s no backing from the data, it might be an impostor thought.
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Finally, step five is to transform your imposter thought. Revise your negative thoughts into versions that reflect reality.
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For example, if I initially thought, 'I’m letting my team down,' I could revise it to, 'My team is performing well, and I have received positive feedback.'
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Your revised thought should align with the data you've collected about your experiences.
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This process will ultimately help you to build confidence and mitigate those feelings of inadequacy.
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Recapping the five steps: first, record successful outcomes and initial feedback. Don't wait for validation from others; note your successes.
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Second, evaluate negative thoughts and pinpoint the implicit assumptions hidden behind them.
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Third, seek opinions from trusted individuals who understand your context.
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Fourth, challenge those assumptions against the data you've collected.
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Finally, transform those imposter thoughts into versions that better reflect reality.
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This may feel overwhelming now, but implementing these steps in your life can lead to significant improvements over time.
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Don't hesitate to reach out to me in the Slack channel or find me outside if you wish to discuss this topic further.
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Thank you all for listening, and I appreciate you laughing at the artisanal memes throughout my presentation.
