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Hello, everyone!
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Next up, we have Jamis Buck, who, as I mentioned yesterday, is the godfather of all things related to Ruby.
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We wouldn't be here without him, and we're happy to have him back. Thanks, Jamis.
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Alright, I wanted to start with a little exercise.
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What I want all of you to do is try to relax the left side of your face. Just relax it.
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In fact, put a hand on your cheek to ensure that you're not moving any muscles on the left side of your face.
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Now, with the right side of your face, I want you to grin with all your might.
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Raise your cheeks, bring out your smile, and open your mouth a little.
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But keep the left side of your face perfectly calm. It's harder than you think, isn't it?
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You probably look a bit goofy. Hold that thought, and maybe take a picture.
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Okay, so what was that all about?
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On January nineteenth, something interesting happened to me.
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For several days prior, everything I ate tasted like wintergreen.
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I like wintergreen, so it wasn't that big of a deal, but it was just weird.
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I scrubbed my tongue with my toothbrush, thinking there might be some fungus.
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But nothing fixed it; no mouthwash seemed to work. I was a little concerned, but I didn't freak out too much. I thought it would just go away.
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On January nineteenth, I woke up and noticed a strange sensation in my face.
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As I went into the bathroom to shave and brush my teeth, I realized the left side of my face was slow to respond.
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I tried smiling, but the left side wouldn’t go up as far as the right side.
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I started to freak out a little, thinking, 'tumor, stroke, what’s going on?'
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It totally freaked me out, but it was the onset of something really bizarre that had happened to me since puberty.
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I quickly got into the doctor, explained my symptoms.
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I told him I wasn’t numb— I just couldn’t move it as much.
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He diagnosed me with Bell's palsy.
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How many of you here have ever had Bell's palsy? Anyone? Okay, so this will be news to a few.
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How many of you know someone who has had Bell's palsy? A few others.
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It is a really weird condition. Now, this was news to me, but apparently, there's a nerve that gets affected.
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There's this thing called the seventh cranial nerve, and I’m not a doctor.
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But apparently, some of the cranial nerve comes from behind your head, wraps around and goes through your inner ear.
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It spreads across the face to control facial expressions.
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This includes everything from blinking your eye to rolling your tongue.
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Anything involving that side of your face is controlled by this seventh cranial nerve.
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Weird things happen when that nerve malfunctions, and no one is really sure what causes it.
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I think there are many different factors, but Bell's palsy happens when something pinches or traumatizes that nerve.
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A few days before, I had had an earache in my left ear, and I wondered if that was related.
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The doctor reassured me not to worry; he said it would go away.
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He prescribed some medication to help speed recovery.
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Essentially, he told me to just wait it out.
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Sure enough, after a few days, it got worse.
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I could smile just fine on one side, while the other side was a different story.
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Together, it made my face look lopsided.
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I would put my hand on my left cheek and strain with all my might just to get any movement.
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There was nothing— it felt completely dead.
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Within a few days, my face was entirely paralyzed on that side.
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It's amazing how many things you can’t do when your face is half-paralyzed.
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You can’t chew properly. It’s so awkward.
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Food would just fall out of my mouth.
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You feel like you’ve just been to the dentist.
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You don’t want to go out to eat because you look ridiculous with food falling from your mouth.
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You can’t blink. I would squeeze my eyes shut as tight as I could, but nothing happened.
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Except for a slight closing of my eye.
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I had to carry a tissue with me to close my eye so it wouldn't dry out.
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But on top of that, my tears would water constantly.
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At night, I had to tape my eye shut to prevent it from drying out.
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If you've never slept with your eye taped shut, you're missing out.
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It’s not as fun as it sounds.
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I couldn’t wink; I couldn’t chew; I couldn’t roll my tongue.
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I used to be a whistler. How many of you like to whistle?
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I whistle all the time, and it probably drives people nuts.
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But I couldn’t whistle. The left side of my mouth was just too weak.
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Another crazy thing is that I couldn't say "p's" and "f's" with half a face.
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Try it! Put your index finger in the left corner of your mouth.
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Just try to say "feet" or "fiber". This is fun, right?
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I tried to make the most of it. I tried to have fun.
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I joked with my kids about it. My dad, who was living with us at the time.
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He asked, 'I'm sorry, Jamis. I'm really sorry about your face.'
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I found that so hilarious; I laughed and laughed.
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I told him I would use that as a new greeting, 'Hey Joe, nice to meet you, sorry about your face.'
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My kids thought it was the weirdest thing, especially because I couldn't close my left eye.
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You just see the lights, and it can be a bit freaky.
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I tried to make it fun. I would call it my 'super face.'
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Except I couldn't say "p's" and "f's," so it came out as 'super face'.
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Even now, when I'm fully recovered, my kids still say, 'Say, super face, Dad!'
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But when you can only smile with half your face, it feels fake.
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Even though I was trying to smile with both sides, it felt like a fake smile.
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Not being able to smile genuinely— it messes with your mind.
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I really struggled with depression because of it.
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In reality, I was diagnosed on the nineteenth.
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Within a few days, my left side became completely paralyzed.
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By the thirtieth, I was able to twitch a muscle.
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It reminded me of that scene in The Princess Bride.
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Where the Man in Black has been mostly dead all day, and they try to get him to move.
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I felt similar looking in the mirror, twitching my mouth a little bit.
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By the fourth, I could almost whistle; it was a significant moral victory.
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By the seventh, I had about fifty percent functionality back.
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And by the fourteenth, I was as good as new.
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The whole ordeal felt like it lasted an eternity.
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Psychologically, it messed with me a lot.
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I couldn’t smile, whistle, or do the things I loved to do.
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I tried to puff my cheek out, but it always leaked.
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My kids found that hilarious.
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Every little thing I couldn’t do felt bizarre.
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So what's the point of this story? Let’s rewind a few years.
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Back in August 2005, I released a tool called Switched.
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How many of you remember Switched? A few hands, great.
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A few months later, it had to be renamed to Capistrano due to trademark issues.
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How many of you are familiar with Capistrano? A few more this time.
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This feels like ancient history, but it was an exciting project.
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I had so much fun and loved the community that built around it.
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I also loved the technical challenges.
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Working with 37signals to create the tool was a fantastic experience.
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They funded it, and I had creative control over it.
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But by 2008, my circumstances began to change.
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I was working with Mark Umbraco, and we were set to teach seminars about Capistrano.
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It was really exciting at first, but then things took a turn.
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When we mentioned this to DHH, he pointed out it was a potential conflict of interest.
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He was well within his rights and ultimately, he was probably correct.
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But in my mind, it felt like a punch to the gut.
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This was something I loved, and suddenly, it felt taken away from me.
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I blame no one but my own misplaced expectations.
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It changed my perception of my work entirely.
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That event marked the beginning of my decline.
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In 2010, I did write a few blog posts that helped me a little.
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But by the fall of 2011, I was so overwhelmed that I shut down my blog.
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I just exported it as static HTML and left it behind.
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In 2012, I stopped tweeting; I said, I'm done.
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And by 2013, I realized something wasn't right with me.
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I sought help from a psychiatrist.
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I talked with my bosses about it.
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They said, 'Just take care of yourself.'
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The problem was I couldn’t find a specialist in my area.
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So I kind of self-medicated. I wrote a lot.
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I wrote stories for my eyes only, featuring first-person dialogues with my psychiatrist.
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It sounds ridiculous, but it was remarkably therapeutic.
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I learned a lot about what I was feeling, but it still wasn’t enough.
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About a year later, I quit my dream job.
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Leaving Basecamp was one of the hardest decisions I've ever made.
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I loved that job more than any other I’ve ever had.
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But I left not because I was dissatisfied, but because I couldn't do it anymore.
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Here’s a code example. Can you see the bug?
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It's an easy one. Raise your hand when you find it.
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'Raise area times radius plus pi.' Not a difficult bug.
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But at that time, if I looked at that code, I just felt exhausted.
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I would immediately check my email instead of focusing.
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I'd say, 'Let me just play Kerbal Space Program for a bit.'
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Anyone who’s played it knows you can’t just play for 15 minutes.
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My productivity had dwindled to about ten percent of what it used to be.
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I realized it wasn't fair to Jason and David to keep paying me.
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It was terrifying to make that decision.
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But Jason and David were incredibly supportive.
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They helped me do what I needed to do.
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This emotional paralysis brought everything back to mind.
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Burnout is a form of paralysis as well.
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When you can’t do what you used to love.
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I couldn't motivate myself to work. I tried everything.
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I tried Pomodoro, rewarding myself with Cadbury cream eggs.
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Anyone who knows me knows I'm addicted to them.
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I tried convincing myself to work for just fifteen minutes.
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Nothing worked. I couldn't get motivated.
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No matter how much I stared in the mirror, I couldn't make my muscles twitch.
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I was totally done and it was terrifying.
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This was an exciting time to be at Basecamp.
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We were in the midst of releasing the new Basecamp.
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They hadn’t just renamed the company back from 37signals; they were shutting down old products.
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So many changes were happening, yet I couldn’t feel the excitement.
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In my research, I discovered many signs of burnout.
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If you experience one or two, it might not matter. I checked most of the boxes.
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Impaired concentration? Absolutely.
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Isolation? Definitely.
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Lack of productivity? Oh, yes.
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Depression? Anger? Anxiety? Loss of enjoyment? You bet.
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I experienced almost all of it.
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So what do you do about it?
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First, you need to look at the cause.
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There's a psychologist named Christina Maslach who identified mismatches.
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People often think they get burned out from working too hard.
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Work overload is one of the causes, but there are others as well.
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I wasn’t overworked at Basecamp when I burned out.
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It was actually my perception of control that caused the problem.
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When the rug was pulled out from under me, I felt utterly helpless.
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Lack of control led to my downward spiral.
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If you feel a lack of control, you might also be at risk for burnout.
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Another cause is insufficient reward.
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Reward can be salary, but it can be a combination of things too.
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At Basecamp, I had excellent benefits.
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Every three years, I got a one-month sabbatical.
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There was no insufficiency of reward for me.
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Breakdown of community? Not a problem here.
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I loved my coworkers; they formed an amazing community.
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But maybe you feel isolated or disconnected.
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Absence of fairness? If you feel things aren’t balanced, that can lead to burnout.
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Conflicting values can cause burnout as well.
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I love Basecamp and my bosses; they’re generous and amazing.
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But I don’t like being around profanity.
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Sometimes, it felt as if the culture glorified it.
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It bothered me, and it might have contributed to my burnout.
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If you feel your company’s values conflict with yours, it can lead to burnout.
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However, the good news is you can overcome it!
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I feel like I've overcome my burnout.
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I've been productive with client projects, writing code for fun.
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It has changed me, though. I'm different now.
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I’m not the prolific programmer I used to be.
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I realize there’s more to life than just coding.
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So I program less but do other things more.
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That’s a healthy reality.
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How to overcome burnout? There is a path.
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First, identify why you are feeling burned out.
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You can use the Five Whys technique.
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Ask why, get an answer, then ask why again until you uncover a root cause.
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It won’t be a quick sit-down task.
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This may take days or weeks of pondering.
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Getting back to basics is crucial.
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Look at your physical health: diet and hydration.
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Studies show that exercise can reduce stress.
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If you are feeling burned out, are you exercising? Are you eating well?
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Take breaks. I took two sabbaticals.
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The key was getting away for a whole year after quitting Basecamp.
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I didn't touch a computer for three months.
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That was essential for me to realize there’s more to life.
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Reassess your goals—what do you want?
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Is your current position helping you fulfill those?
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Maybe it’s time to say no politely.
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Don’t take on more work than you can handle.
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I’ve struggled with saying no, wanting to help everyone.
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But when you’re recovering, you need to rest.
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Positive thinking can help. When you're depressed, the world seems dark.
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I’m fortunate not to struggle with chronic depression.
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But if your burnout leads to depression, focus on positive thoughts.
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Lastly, find a role that fits you.
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If your current position isn’t fulfilling your needs, look elsewhere.
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It’s terrifying switching careers at first, but take control.
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Many of you are self-employed. Life goes on.
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How do you prevent burnout? Keep a stress diary.
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Identify what stresses you out and why.
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Over weeks, look for patterns related to your stressors.
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Track your progress. Monitor what you accomplish daily.
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Mindfulness meditation has gained a lot of attention lately.
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It’s a great tool to relieve stress and understand your feelings.
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Schedule downtime. Don't burn out!
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Take a 20-minute nap; it's remarkably rejuvenating!
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Get out; read a book, or take a walk.
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Change your location.
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And here’s a unique idea: write yourself a fan letter.
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Express gratitude to yourself for being awesome.
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There's a wealth of literature on job burnout available.
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There's even a journal dedicated to burnout research.
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But there are ways to brace for it.
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Get savings! You might need to take significant time off.
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Do you have savings to support you during that time?
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If you’re out of work with no savings, it’s terrifying.
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It's easier to leave a toxic situation if you have a nest egg.
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Learn new hobbies—keep yourself engaged.
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Always be learning! When I was in Utah, I became obsessed with birds.
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I learned to identify bird species in my backyard.
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It became a brief obsession, but it prepared me for when I had to stop working.
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If you're burned out, your responsibility is to recover.
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You don't owe it to anyone but yourself to get better.
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If you’re okay now, your responsibility is to prepare.
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You owe it to yourself and your employer to remain healthy.
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Thank you for listening!
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Are there any questions?
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Is it true that burnout is more prevalent in developer communities?
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Not exactly. It’s prevalent in many professional realms.
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I read an article about burnout among professional women.
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Burnout exists in various fields; it’s not just related to programming.
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How did I recognize my burnout?
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I was in denial for a long time. It took a while to acknowledge it.
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When I became my own psychiatrist, everything became clearer.
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That realization came during 2013.
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It was a gradual decline from that Capistrano incident in 2008.
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I worked along with David and Jason; they supported me through everything.
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To help ease my stress, I returned to recreational programming.
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I wrote my book, 'Mazes for Programmers', and that was therapeutic.
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Gradually, the joy returned when I found other interests.
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Yes, it took about a year before I felt fully recovered.
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Do you need more than one of those mismatches to face burnout?
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You can be at risk for burnout from just one mismatch.
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It can vary in severity; minor issues can accumulate.
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If there’s discontent, address it before it spirals.
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Could my reaction in 2008 have been prevented?
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It’s possible I could’ve incorporated techniques to ease stress.
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Ultimately, burnout has helped me discover new passions.
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It taught me that I could be self-employed.
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That's been an enlightening experience for me.
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Burnout affected my family too.
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The warning signs of burnout impacted my home life.
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Anger and irritability crept in; I withdrew from my family.
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My wife was worried. We talked about quitting since 2012.
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The fear of uncertainty kept us from making that leap.
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Even though I didn't know if it affected my children.
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My wife had concerns, and that's all that really mattered.
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Ultimately, through the year when I wasn’t working, we talked a lot.
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Talking through our issues became a key part of the healing process.
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Thank you for your attention. Any more questions?
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I appreciate being here to share my story!
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Let’s continue these discussions and support each other.
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Life can be challenging, but so rewarding when we work through it together.
