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Hi, thanks so much for coming to my talk. It's called "There Is No Spoon: Understanding Spoon Theory and Preventing Burnout." A couple of things about me: My name is Jamison, but you can call me Jamie. I'm here, as he said, from Buffalo, New York, which is the home of bad sports.
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I'm really happy to be here in Phoenix for the first time. I work for a company called Girlist, which is based in Brooklyn, New York. We develop farm management and data software for indoor farms and greenhouses, which is really cool. You can find me on Twitter at Jamie Bash, where my slides are pinned.
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One other thing I wanted to introduce about myself right at the beginning—this is something I'll go into further later in the talk, but I like to get it out of the way early. I am transgender and specifically identify as genderqueer or non-binary; either term is fine with me. If you don't know what that means, it essentially breaks down into three things: number one, I don't identify as either a man or a woman; number two, I use neutral pronouns; and number three, I have really great hair.
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I like to bring this up at the beginning, even though I will talk more about it later when I discuss diversity, because I know people like to eat this stuff up. If you want to live-tweet, that's super cool, but just keep my pronouns in mind while doing it.
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Now let's talk about spoon theory, since that's what we're really here to discuss. So what is spoon theory? It is basically a social metaphor that refers to how much energy we have in a day to do things. This encompasses both physical and mental emotional energy, with the spoon itself serving as a unit of measurement that represents that energy.
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So what do you notice about these spoons? There are six, which is somewhat arbitrary, but the key takeaway is that it’s finite: that’s how many spoons you have, however many that may be, and that's your limit. Spoon theory was eventually coined in an essay published in 2003 by a woman named Christine Miserandino, who has lupus. She created this metaphor to describe her life with a chronic physical illness.
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She had a good friend whom she confided in about her experiences, who accompanied her to doctors' appointments, and thought, 'My friend has an idea of what it’s like for me living with this disease.' However, the problem is that if you haven't had that experience yourself, it's very challenging to comprehend what it’s like. In her original essay, she mentioned wanting something for her friend to grasp: 'Most people who get sick feel a loss of the life they once knew. If I could control the spoons, she would understand what it feels like to have someone—or something—in this case, lupus—in control.'
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Therefore, spoon theory is frequently associated with invisible illnesses. One way to illustrate this is by considering that if you have a disability, there may be some things you simply can't do. For instance, if you are in a wheelchair and cannot walk, you obviously cannot take the stairs and would need accessibility accommodations.
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Nobody with a sound mind would approach someone in a wheelchair and say, 'Why don't you take the stairs?' If someone did that, everyone nearby would think they were a huge jerk. However, this situation is not always so clear-cut. For example, if someone has a prosthetic leg and you see them take the stairs on a good day, but then on another day, they cannot do so, you might not even realize they have a prosthetic leg. It could be tempting to say, 'Well, you did it before; why can’t you do it now?' But you do not know how much energy it is taking for them, how much pain they might be in, or how many spoons they have to expend just to climb the stairs.
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You can’t know how many spoons someone else has just by looking at them, and the reality of running out of spoons is significant. As I mentioned, they are finite. You have a certain number of spoons, and if you spend them, you could reach zero. Once they are gone, they are gone.
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And sometimes you can borrow extra spoons from yourself, but there are consequences to doing that. I like to use video games to describe this concept because many of us are familiar with them, and energy mechanics are prevalent in gaming—they are comparable to spoons. For example, in one of my favorite games, Stardew Valley, which is a farming simulator, the bottom corner of the screen displays your energy bar.
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When you wake up in the morning, you begin with a full energy meter and as you tend to your crops, your energy depletes. This mechanic tracks your energy, and if you choose to ignore your energy depletion—let's say you stay out and exhaust yourself—when you return to bed, you might wake up with a partially depleted energy bar the next morning. This means you won't start your day with full energy, making it much harder to accomplish everything on your to-do list.
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Just as everyone can benefit from an understanding of spoon theory, it’s essential that we recognize it applies to various communities beyond just those with chronic illnesses or disabilities. Healthy people often have the misconception that they possess an unlimited number of spoons, but that’s not true since energy is finite. However, the average healthy person probably has enough energy to get through an average day without needing to ration it.
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Importantly, it's not just the chronically ill and physically disabled communities that can benefit from this metaphor. The mental illness community also uses spoon theory as a communication tool, and I believe marginalized groups can also express the discrimination they face through this language. It creates a shared vernacular that helps frame difficult conversations, particularly heavy topics that can be hard to articulate.
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When everyone understands spoon theory, it becomes easier to say, 'I can’t do that today; I don't have enough spoons,' which fosters empathy. Even if you are not currently struggling, this understanding can help you grasp how others might be having a tough time, and it encourages better self-awareness regarding our own limits.
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I want to address the three communities I mentioned and explore some ways spoons are expended. It’s important to note that everyone’s experience is distinct due to various disabilities, diseases, and challenges within marginalized communities. For those dealing with physical illnesses, constant pain is an exhausting reality that affects everything from daily routines to overall quality of life.
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Being in chronic pain makes performing routine tasks significantly harder. Personally, I've faced intermittent chronic back pain, and during periods when I am pain-free, I can take basic actions—like tying my shoes—completely for granted. However, when I am in pain, those same actions can feel overwhelmingly insurmountable.
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On top of the physical challenge, there is an emotional drain that comes with the burden of worry. When you’re unwell, those worries weigh heavily on your shoulders. There’s also reduced mobility and accessibility issues that complicate even simple activities like going out. If special treatment is needed, it may attract unwanted attention, which can be another significant source of stress.
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Frequent healthcare visits can be both a necessity and a drain on spoons. While healthcare helps us manage illnesses, it can also be time-consuming and exhausting. For example, consider someone undergoing chemotherapy: they need treatment to fight their illness, but that process consumes a considerable amount of energy.
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Mental illnesses also align with many of the struggles presented above. Society may treat mental illnesses differently, leading to a disconnect in understanding the toll they take. Chronic emotional distress can severely deplete spoons, and being told to "just get over it" adds unnecessary pressure to those already struggling. Such invalidation can leave individuals doubting their own struggles.
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Chronic mental health conditions may result in social ostracization, as symptoms can isolate individuals from their support networks, making it difficult for them to connect with their peers. Additionally, many issues relating to mental health are socially taboo, leading to further isolation. Panic attacks can be particularly difficult to describe, as they manifest physically: feeling flushed, experiencing heavy breathing and a racing heart—and can look frightening to those around you.
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Lastly, marginalized groups can also apply spoon theory effectively. Experiencing discrimination—whether based on race, sexual orientation, gender identity, or otherwise—can leave individuals starting their day from a place of inherent fatigue. For marginalized individuals, the emotional toll from being part of an oppressed group can be exhausting, especially when compounded by current social and political climates.
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Watching the news and witnessing legislation that threatens the rights of marginalized communities creates a heavy burden that requires emotional energy to navigate. As a non-binary person, I often find myself needing to explain my identity to people who may not be familiar with it. While I enjoy educating others, it can sometimes feel like I am expected to prove my identity to gain acceptance.
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Microaggressions can also accumulate over time, manifesting as seemingly small comments that can be quite hurtful when they happen repeatedly. Examples like, 'You don't sound black' or 'Who's the guy in your lesbian relationship?' serve as constant reminders of discrimination. I liken the accumulation of microaggressions to mosquito bites—one alone may be annoying, but a multitude can become overwhelming.
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To illustrate the numerous ways spoons can be depleted in an average morning, I want to conduct a short exercise comparing the average morning of a healthy, advantaged individual with those of individuals managing chronic pain or anxiety. For our control group, let’s imagine a healthy person; they might wake up, get ready for work, and commute to their job, losing a spoon or two along the way due to potential inconveniences.
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On the other hand, a person dealing with chronic pain wakes up already starting the day with fewer spoons because they did not sleep well due to discomfort. Getting out of bed becomes a laborious task, as does getting dressed, and medication can make the morning even more difficult with side effects like nausea. Their commute might be on a crowded subway, where every jostle causes additional pain.
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Upon arriving at work, they may face further obstacles like needing to climb stairs due to elevator outages. This situation can take an unmanageable amount of time; they may need to pause for breaks, arriving late and exhausted. Now let’s flip the scenario to someone dealing with anxiety or panic attacks. These individuals may also wake up with fewer spoons due to sleeplessness or mental exhaustion from previous experiences.
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If they face panic attacks, a lingering fear from the previous night can affect their ability to navigate a day with mental clarity. Imagine getting on a crowded subway, not just contending with physical discomforts, but also an overwhelming sense of anxiety. The ride may trigger feelings of paranoia where they perceive others to be watching or judging them, which further drains their emotional reserves.
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Lastly, let's consider what being a member of a marginalized group might feel like. For instance, a transgender person might start their day with a positive mindset, but when they catch their reflection while brushing their teeth, they could be struck with feelings of dysphoria, which complicates their morning. Getting dressed might also take longer due to uncomfortable clothing choices, particularly if they wear a binder.
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While commuting via subway, they might experience unwanted comments or catcalls that can impact their emotional well-being. In more serious terms, they may learn about bills limiting the rights of trans youth or hear about local tragedies involving members of their community, adding immense psychological pressure.
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By the time they arrive at work, the emotional weight of these experiences can make carrying out their professional duties feel like an uphill battle, because they often feel a need to overwork to have their contributions recognized. This shared experiences—as well as those endured by women in tech—show that privilege can significantly affect how many spoons an individual has.
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The point here is that everyone may deal with heavy burdens throughout life, whether due to familial responsibilities, personal struggles, or other stressors. However, those in marginalized groups often bear an additional weight from systemic challenges. It's essential to understand that just because someone benefits from certain privileges does not mean they do not experience hardship; their lives can still be complex and challenging.
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So how does this reality affect you? This metaphor is particularly useful for employers and managers of marginalized employees. It's crucial that we understand the implications of spoon theory and how many spoons some employees may have before even starting their day, essentially impacting productivity and work-life balance.
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It also points to the necessity of empathy in the workplace. Encouraging a culture where employee well-being is valued fosters a supportive environment, but it's imperative to recognize that those who have difficult lives—be it health issues or social challenges—need comprehensive support from their employers.
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Now let’s pivot to the agile methodology, a concept many of us are familiar with. Although you do not need to understand all its intricacies, it is similarly tied to spoon theory because both concepts are about measuring employee capability and limits. The idea of understanding employee velocity shares a connection with spoons, as you won’t know how to optimize productivity without recognizing individual needs and limits.
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If you can identify and eliminate barriers that impede employee performance, you will boost both productivity and morale, which should be a top priority for any group. I hope I have successfully conveyed the importance of spoon theory, especially how it pertains to employees dealing with challenges.
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Now, if you're worried and thinking, "What can I actually do to support my employees who are facing these challenges?"—I understand the situation can feel overwhelming. It's unrealistic to expect one person to solve complex problems, but you can absolutely lighten their load.
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Start by recognizing that an employee's health is more important than their work output. Many workplaces promote a martyr mentality—that employees should prioritize work above their well-being. This is not only unhealthy but counterproductive in the long run. Provide health care options that address both physical and mental health needs; ensuring employees access the care they need will alleviate some stress and conserve energy.
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Furthermore, treat mental illness with the same seriousness as physical illness. If you see someone struggling, it’s more likely they wish they weren’t reacting than you want them to stop reacting. Also, prioritize accessibility in your workplace: Every employee should feel comfortable and recognized, so consider their needs before they have to approach you for accommodations.
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Accessible facilities, appropriate bathrooms, and inclusive events can positively affect employee morale. People across a spectrum of abilities enjoy different activities, and mandatory social gatherings can be distressing for those with anxiety, disabilities, or dietary restrictions.
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It's vital to treat people equally while recognizing individual needs; fairness does not mean everyone gets the same treatment when disparities exist. If an employee with a chronic illness struggles consistently, it's essential to factor that into their evaluation rather than assuming they lack effort.
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I want to share an example that illustrates the relevance of these concepts. A colleague and I conducted an experiment where we switched names for two weeks. I would sign emails as Nicole, while she signed as me. The outcome? I faced a barrage of questioning regarding my credibility, while Nicole had an incredibly productive time.
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This experiment revealed how intricately these barriers can affect how people respond to credibility and expertise. It goes to show that we must foster a culture of empathy and understanding, to support each other better and recognize the diverse dynamics shaping our interactions.
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Next, I want to address the concept of company culture. It's often used to justify negative or non-inclusive practices, but it can also be a powerful vehicle for creating acceptance and promoting empathy. Actions are more telling than mere words, and a company’s sincerity can be measured by how they treat everyone.
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I will share a personal experience from my first day at Girlist. I was nervous about disclosing my gender identity, but the response I received was overwhelmingly supportive. When I encountered a problem regarding gender designation on payroll forms, I messaged the CEO, who immediately responded with empathy, promising to push for more options. That demonstrated how genuine leadership creates safe and inclusive atmospheres.
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Additionally, it’s vital to avoid putting the obligation on marginalized employees to educate others about diversity; it can become an emotional burden. Instead, listen actively and take their experiences seriously. Creating an environment where individuals feel comfortable sharing their stories is paramount; change happens when we prioritize empathy.
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In summary, do not tolerate toxic behavior or discrimination. It’s critical to demonstrate integrity by not just speaking against such practices but also taking concrete actions when they emerge. People will come to understand your values through your responses to adversity, fostering a more compassionate workforce.
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In closing, I highly recommend exploring spoon theory further. Some suggested readings include the original essay on spoon theory, articles on invisible illnesses, discussions about diversity in tech, and a video entitled 'The Question Rainbow Bagel' portraying the experience of navigating New York City as a physically disabled individual.
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Thank you so much for listening. I hope your spoons aren’t crying, and that instead they can blossom like beautiful flowers. You can follow me on Twitter or visit my website for more information.
