You Are Insufficiently Persuasive

Talks

Sandi Metz

@skmetz

#team-dynamics

#psychological-safety

#emotional-intelligence

You Are Insufficiently Persuasive

by Sandi Metz

The video titled 'You Are Insufficiently Persuasive' features Sandi Metz as the speaker at RubyConf AU 2018 in Sydney, Australia. In her talk, Metz addresses the theme of unhappiness among programmers and the role of persuasion in professional relationships. She emphasizes that many programmers experience dissatisfaction due to various external factors, which often stem from interactions with others.

Key points discussed include:
- Programmer Unhappiness: Metz references a study identifying the top reasons for programmer unhappiness, such as feeling stuck, time pressure, and poor code quality.
- Influence of Others: She highlights that many issues within programming environments are linked to other people's behaviors, leading to conflicts and misunderstandings.
- Psychology of Persuasion: Drawing from her background in psychology, Metz outlines Robert Cialdini's six principles of persuasion: reciprocity, consistency, social proof, authority, liking, and scarcity. She stresses how understanding these can improve communication and cooperation.

- Positive Interactions: Metz cites Dale Carnegie’s approach to influencing others through sincerity and openness, outlining key actions to foster better relationships in teams.
- Team Dynamics: Referring to Google’s Project Aristotle, she discusses the importance of psychological safety and equal conversational turn-taking as crucial factors for high-performing teams.

Significant examples include the exploration of reciprocity through anecdotes related to fundraising tactics used by the Hare Krishna organization, demonstrating the pressure of returning favors. Metz's insights suggest that cultivating teamwork and understanding among peers can dramatically enhance collaboration in a professional setting.

In conclusion, Metz encourages viewers to recognize the shared human experience of collaboration, stating that by fostering an environment of safety and understanding, teams can achieve greater success. The underlying message is that improving communication and self-awareness can lead to more fruitful collaborations, reducing fear and promoting a collective purpose. Overall, Metz's talk serves as a call to action to enhance persuasiveness and teamwork within programming communities.

00:00:00.030 Are you ready? General, wait. We can continue like this, but we don't have any materials coming up, so start sitting up.

00:00:05.759 I can't overstate how much of an honor it is to be introducing Sandi Metz. I don't know about you, but she has had a huge impact on my very short career by me reading all of her books and watching all of her talks. We even worked through '99 Bottles' and 'Buddha' in the last six months. It's actually good to do that as a junior developer.

00:00:17.430 Now, after shaking my hand multiple times, this is my programming hand. You don’t even have to look at history factors. Anyway, Sandi is the author of 'Practical Object-Oriented Design' (POODR). If you haven't read it, you must! '99 Bottles' is one of the most enlightening books, and she is a cycling enthusiast who owns nine bikes! She even corrected me on that, saying the correct number is ten, with my husband also confirming this because he heard that.

00:00:58.410 Thank you! Look at this! It's such a treat to be here. You have spread out well. I don't have to browbeat anybody. There are some empty seats in the middle if you want to scoot in, but nobody moved, so forget that. I don't have any technical content today, so I’m worried about you seeing something specific on slides.

00:01:33.400 I have two things to talk about before I get going. One is about sponsors. I had a big life event last year and did not go out the whole year, didn't attend any conferences. Recently, I have started to appear again in our community, and isn't it amazing to come here and be with these people? It's like you all are my peers.

00:02:05.960 We create community at these events. I know we have Slack and all kinds of online ways to connect, but there is something about being together physically that cannot be reproduced by other means. Somebody made it possible for this event to take place, and it wasn't me; I do not have the event organization gene. I am super grateful for the people who make it possible for us to gather.

00:02:23.360 This includes the sponsors. It takes money to do this, and it's not the money you paid. Someone paid for me to come from the US, and the sponsors deserve our support. My advice is to buy things from them, consider their job postings, and nurture these people because they want to support our community.

00:02:55.220 Now, about the people you may have seen wearing shirts. I can report that they seem borderline hysterically tired. It appears that they are trying to cover it well when they are up here on stage, but they've been working day and night for 13 months to secure sponsorship funding and organize this conference.

00:03:38.520 The other thing I'd like to mention before I start is that I brought my remote. The part I left in the US was the USB dongle that allows me to use it. Thankfully, Nick lent me a remote, which is fantastic. So we are happy to be here, and I think we've established that point. But I have to address something important.

00:04:10.520 Despite our happiness being together, we may not be completely satisfied in all phases of our lives. I know this because after decades of writing code for a living, I accidentally wrote that book, and it sort of wrecked my life. It was like a bomb went off. Now I make a living teaching short classes all over, and this means I dip in and out of different businesses with regularity.

00:04:49.650 Right now, I can see not just my workplace but also many others, observing all the ways in which businesses are unhappy. Programming shops are not universally happy, and I can report that yours might not be either.

00:05:07.930 Another reason I know about the unhappiness is due to a study published last summer about the distribution and causes of programmer unhappiness. The researchers went home, harvested half a million email addresses, and randomly selected 33,000 to send out surveys. 1,300 people responded, discussing ways in which they felt unhappy about work.

00:05:51.220 They identified 219 specific and unique ways to be unhappy and coded them. When they followed up with those respondents and asked them to mark which codes applied to their unhappiness, they received back 2,280 references to code, averaging about ten references for each unhappiness code. Of course, this distribution wasn't normal; it turned out these are the top ten reasons for programmer unhappiness.

00:06:30.069 Notably, these reasons account for about a third of total unhappiness among programmers and are relatively predictable. Being stuck is the number one reason, which I found interesting. Time pressure and poor code quality are also major factors. Interestingly, feelings of inadequacy and mundane or repetitive tasks are part of the reasons.

00:07:08.380 The authors categorized these issues as internal or external reasons. While I agree that internal causes for unhappiness deserve attention, my talk today will not focus on those aspects. Instead, let’s return to that topic of boring or mundane tasks, which seems like an internal problem.

00:07:46.690 It feels like a boring task is an opportunity to write a really fun script. Thus, we are left with six external causes of unhappiness. When we examine these six issues, I believe they all stem from the same underlying problem: other people. Other people can be incredibly annoying.

00:08:59.080 Looking at this list, you likely already have ideas on how to avoid these problems. However, other people's actions often lead to challenges we must deal with. If only they behaved how we wanted, everything would improve. So, if, despite your best efforts, you find yourself in a situation where others are causing you problems, I see this as a problem of persuasion.

00:09:54.390 Now is the time for me to confess that I have a degree in psychology, and this is something from which one never really recovers. My psychology degree has shaped the way I think about the world. When I see people who are unhappy because they can't come to an agreement, I see failures of persuasion, and that makes me sad. This shouldn't be a problem; humans are hard-wired to get along.

00:10:50.220 We're primed to be persuadable. Early humans were weak and soft in a hard and scary world, and the groups that thrived in collaboration were the ones that managed to reproduce. This is evolution at work. We, as a species, arose from an environment that selected us for cooperation. There's a ton of research out there about how people are persuadable, and I'm going to describe some key points on how you can be more persuasive.

00:11:40.620 The first perspective comes from Robert Cialdini, a psychology professor at various universities in the States, who wrote a book called 'Influence'. This book is about the psychology of persuasion and has sold three million copies! I have a book that will not sell three million copies, so I see this as an astounding number of books sold. In the book, Cialdini categorizes the ways in which we can be persuaded into six rules.

00:12:14.020 The first rule is about reciprocity. This rule states that if I give you something or help you in any way, you are obligated to return the favor. It also indicates that if I attempt to do you a favor, you cannot refuse it. If I do you a favor, I can ask for something bigger in return, and I can also ask for a favor before you offer. The reciprocity rule is fascinating from an evolutionary context as it provides a future obligation in exchanges.

00:12:56.140 The rule is so strong that it can be weaponized against you. For example, Hare Krishna members in the 80s were known for giving out flowers in airports, making it hard for people to refuse a donation after accepting a flower. They even had a process to recycle unwanted flowers from trash cans to give away again. It was effective as a fundraising technique and led to legal action against them.

00:13:42.540 The second rule is about consistency. We have a strong desire to remain consistent with our past statements and self-image. If you make someone make a visible commitment, like saying something out loud or writing it down, they are significantly more likely to want to remain consistent with that commitment later. This is why acting your way into a new mindset can be easier than thinking your way into a new action.

00:14:14.869 If you force individuals to engage in defending points of view they don’t hold, their perspectives can shift towards those views. Contrary to the belief that you can't legislate morality, it can be legislated. This adaptive characteristic of humans is useful but can also be used against us. For example, parents face a situation every holiday season when their children ask for a specific toy that is not available.

00:14:52.860 After making a promise to buy the toy and failing, parents often end up purchasing something else. When the ads return, kids remind parents of their promises. This scenario illustrates the persistence of the consistency rule. The third rule is about social proof. When uncertain, we often take cues from others; if everyone is doing something, it must be acceptable.

00:15:29.830 This conception can go wrong, as I have experienced while cycling in remote areas. If friends are present while I need to step away from my bike, the cars passing by will, without fail, notice and turn their heads toward the commotion. To control this gaze, if my friends simply stare in another direction, passersby will follow their gaze instead. This principle also comes into play in emergency situations; if a fire alarm goes off, one should act instead of waiting to see how others respond.

00:16:40.440 The next rule involves authority. People tend to defer to figures of authority, whether they are in a uniform or hold expert status in a domain. This kind of reliance can also lead us to make decisions based on impressions of competence from those we deem knowledgeable.

00:17:12.859 Next comes the liking rule: if people like you, they are more likely to comply with your requests. Liking principles highlight how we tend to gravitate towards individuals that are similar to ourselves, fostering trust and other positive behavioral exchanges. This creates a social atmosphere where favors can be exchanged.

00:18:09.120 The sixth and final principle revolves around scarcity: when something is perceived as limited, it becomes more desirable. For example, if you are waiting for a parking space, drivers leaving that space tend to slow down due to the perceived urgency and scarcity for others waiting. Understanding scarcity compels action and influences choices.

00:19:04.760 Though Cialdini calls these rules 'weapons,' I view them as innate qualities of human behavior. However, after understanding these principles, I felt the urge to search for a healthier perspective on persuasion, contemplating Dale Carnegie, the author of 'How to Win Friends and Influence People.'

00:19:27.160 Carnegie's method rests on the idea that you can influence people by changing yourself first. This evokes hope, advocating for more openness and transparency in interactions. Carnegie categorizes his teachings into four key areas, with bullet points summarizing essential actions in each.

00:20:17.710 To foster relationships and make people like you, he suggests remembering people's names, demonstrating active listening, and being sincere. When handling people, sincerity remains pivotal, along with cultivating eagerness to understand their perspectives.

00:20:55.420 The final category relates to leadership and involves several aspects like acknowledging good intentions, finding common ground, and engaging in constructive discussions. Perhaps if you interacted with others through the lens of sincerity and respect, it would build stronger teams.

00:21:54.550 Considering all the factors we discussed regarding unhappiness and its sources stemming from communications, we understand that successful persuasion is not merely about convincing others to think our way. Instead, it encompasses learning how different perspectives lead to fruitful collaboration.

00:22:45.930 The critical lesson emphasizes the importance of teamwork. Google studied their teams extensively through Project Aristotle and discovered high-performing teams did not correlate with individual traits. Rather, they found successful teams shared two qualities: equal conversational turn-taking and average social sensitivity.

00:23:53.660 Psychological safety emerged as a vital indicator of team success, emphasizing how crucial it is to cultivate an environment where members feel secure enough to share thoughts openly. The responsibility for that environment begins with you.

00:24:35.050 That creates the foundation for teamwork, leading to improved results. Words about the past can often reflect blame and pit individuals against each other, while constructive language that moves forward fosters collaboration and mutual respect.

00:25:41.270 In closing, when you find yourself unsure about coming to an agreement, examine whether fear is underlying those disagreements. Fear is the background noise of our lives, and just as you are good enough, so are others. Understanding the motivations and intentions of others can unlock collaboration instead of conflict.

00:26:41.070 While certain situations may necessitate walking away, many times the challenge is simply a matter of communication. The most effective tool to foster broader change is to make necessary shifts within ourselves, ultimately generating psychological safety and working towards a common purpose.

00:28:53.960 Look at that, I think they’re trimming up. I read that book. There are stickers up here that you can grab. Thank you! Wasn't that amazing? Sandi Metz, everyone!

00:29:05.820 Wow! Someone once told me that it would be emotional, and I didn't believe it until now. It is good to finally have validation for my belief that I'm always right; the source of all my problems is everyone else.

RubyConf AU 2018