Choices

Talks

Choices

Ernie Miller

@ernie

#decision-making

#personal-development

Choices

by Ernie Miller

The video titled "Choices" features Ernie Miller discussing the significance of choices in our lives and how they shape our experiences. The talk is structured as an interactive experience, allowing the audience to participate and influence the direction of the discussion. Throughout the presentation, Miller explores the following key points:

Importance of Choices: Choices are a constant part of life, from trivial decisions, like whether to accept a cookie, to more significant ones, like health screenings after experiencing cancer.
Agency and Consequences: Every choice has consequences, which are the results or effects of our decisions. Optimizing choices is essential because they impact our lives and the world around us.
Instincts and Decision-Making: Instincts can guide quick decisions but may also lead us to overlook more nuanced judgments, as illustrated by studies on loss aversion and decision-making under pressure.
Internal Variables Influencing Choices: Emotions play a significant role in how we make choices. Miller shares a personal story about public speaking to highlight overcoming self-doubt and taking risks.
Victim Mentality vs. Genuine Victimhood: The talk discusses the difference between individuals who genuinely cannot control their situations and those who feel powerless due to learned responses.
Gaming and Distraction: Through his experiences in gaming, Miller reflects on distraction and its impact on productivity and decision-making.
Final Reflection: The talk concludes with Miller encouraging the audience to evaluate their daily choices and consider making intentional changes in at least one aspect of their lives.

Miller's engaging anecdotes, such as his experience with testicular cancer, using vending machines as metaphors, and personal growth through mentoring and counseling, illustrate the broader theme of how our choices bear significant consequences. He invites the audience to consider the choices they make and their influence on their life paths. The overarching message is to recognize the power of choice and to acknowledge that every decision can reshape our experiences, ultimately advocating for a more intentional approach to decision-making.

00:00:13.759 Hey, I work for Carosone, which is based in Seattle and San Francisco. We do some awesome things, and I'd like to talk to you about what we do, but I don't have time because I only have 35 minutes. I am determined to be the first talk to finish on time today.

00:00:21.330 I've been thinking a lot lately about choices. There are times in our lives when we encounter a fork in the road, and we need to take stock of where we are, where we want to be, and then pick a direction that we think will get us there. Pick a vector, if you will. See what I did there?

00:00:36.960 Sometimes the choice is easy and seems trivial or obvious. For instance, I have a standing policy: if someone offers me a cookie, the answer is always yes. But then there are times when choices are trickier, where they feel obviously important but we might not feel it's truly our choice to make. Every few months, for the past couple of years, I've had regular follow-up cancer screenings since I had testicular cancer a while back.

00:01:06.229 I could probably choose not to do those screenings, but it doesn't feel like a choice I really have. I want to clarify that I had a lot of fun during my battle with cancer. First off, testicular cancer has a high survival rate, and secondly, it gives you the opportunity to make all kinds of really horrible puns. Nobody can say anything because, you know, I have cancer.

00:01:39.000 My wife is a saint for putting up with me during that time. For the first few days of my pun phase, the puns were nuts, then they were just not. Anyway, this talk originated last year when my friend Terrance, one of the organizers for Keep Ruby Weird, tweeted an idea at me. I had a choice to make.

00:02:09.390 Months before this, at RailsConf, I had talked to Terrance and Davey about an idea for a talk. Terrance knew what I was going to submit if I did, but the problem was that it would require way more work than any other talk I had ever presented, and I wouldn’t have a lot of time to prepare since I had other obligations.

00:02:54.930 Terrance, being a sneaky guy, convinced me to submit by saying I could always back out. The idea was for a choose-your-own-adventure talk. At that time, I had never seen anyone try to give a talk like this. I realized there could be a very good reason for that—maybe it was a terrible idea because there are a ton of things that could go wrong with a format like this. But we’re going to give it a shot and see how it goes.

00:03:50.940 Before moving to the next slide, I want to point out that the conference Wi-Fi has been a little spotty. So I encourage you to use your phone, and if you're tethering, please plug in with a cable. When you pull out your laptop or mobile device now, everything should work with current mobile and desktop browsers. One nice aspect of developing this app for presentations to developers is that I don’t have to support IE8, which is a nice benefit.

00:04:34.600 Alright, we've got about 20 people on, and I can see who is on and off. I'm starting to feel a bit emotional, so please don’t count anyone who isn't connected. So, let’s select our favorite animal: cats, dogs, squirrel monkeys, or Venezuelan poodle moths. In a moment, we’ll see who wins.

00:05:06.190 Wow, dogs are winning! I thought Ruby people were more cat-oriented. You can stop voting now; we’ll view the dog and, of course, an extra picture of a dog because I’m being nice.

00:05:30.490 Do you remember those vending machines?

00:06:06.160 Nowadays, I walk right past them and don’t notice unless they have something really cool. But when I was a kid, those machines were the highlight of my shopping trips with my parents. If I had a quarter or could convince my parents to give me one, I would stand in front of those machines, agonizing over which choking hazard I was going to buy. One of my all-time favorites was these sticky hands. They were, in my opinion, one of the best vending machine toys.

00:06:31.830 You probably have used one of these – just a gel wrist rest. Not thrilling, but many years ago, I had one that looked almost exactly like this. After years in the sun, it started to fall apart, and when I peeled the cover off, I made the most amazing discovery. It turns out that the gel in these wrist rests is made from the same material as sticky hands.

00:06:53.210 Over the coming weeks, our office had a lot of fun with this new toy we had discovered. We gave him a name: Roderick. I’m not sure why we called him Roderick; I guess he looked like one. In any case, we would fling him around at each other and grab things off of our neighbors' desks.

00:07:06.400 My point is that choices have consequences. We often think of consequences as negative, but the word simply means a result or effect. Our choices change the world in some way, otherwise, what's the point of even making choices? It's a cause and effect that is as inescapable as gravity.

00:07:44.800 If our choices are bound to have consequences, it makes sense that we'd want to optimize them, but how do you really do that? Let’s go with instincts. Here's a question: when you're stuck in traffic and the lane next to you starts moving more quickly, what do you do? It’s common; our instincts tell us to stay put.

00:08:30.190 The instinct to stay put is similar to a piece of advice we often hear relating to test-taking: 'always go with your first instinct.' Many have heard that changing your answer often leads to a change from correct to incorrect. However, this isn't actually true. There are decades of studies that prove it. Why do we find this so believable? It comes down to a phenomenon known as loss aversion.

00:09:44.560 There's a significant difference in how we feel about missing the correct answer versus getting a wrong answer when we previously had the right one. If we change from right to wrong, we remember that situation more vividly. Losses are psychologically about twice as impactful as gains, which is why we find this notion so compelling. Here's another example: if I present a sequence of X's and O's representing hits and misses in basketball, do you think that sequence represents someone on a hot streak or something else?

00:11:02.990 You can pick any point in this sequence, and it’s just as likely for the next outcome to be either an X or an O. This is a perceptual illusion. I can tell you that the tops of two tables might look different in size, but if you get a measuring tape, you can check – it won’t change how you perceive them. This has extreme consequences. Years ago when Apple released the iPod Shuffle and people began complaining that its shuffle seemed too predictable, they suspected conspiracy theories that Apple was favoring certain artists.

00:12:27.770 In response, Apple introduced a feature called smart shuffle. Its job was to prevent streaks and to make the experience less predictable. Our instincts can help us make snap decisions, but they are not as effective when it comes to subtle judgments.

00:13:24.550 Internal variables can significantly influence how we make decisions. Emotions are one significant internal variable. For instance, in my younger days, I went on many hayrides. I always found it puzzling because, as a long-time allergy sufferer, I didn’t quite understand the allure of loading kids in a trailer filled with hay.

00:14:02.309 But there’s always a bonfire afterward with hot chocolate and s’mores, so that part was enjoyable. After a hayride, at one bonfire, I stood off to the side trying to mind my own business, and much to my surprise, two attractive young ladies came by to chat with me. This confused me because I didn't think I was as handsome as the two gentlemen nearby. Panic set in, and I began to think of what a cool person would do. I decided that cool people prop their legs up against the wall, but I broke the window behind me, resulting in shards of glass falling onto someone prepping hot chocolate.

00:15:55.000 For a long time, I assumed that what was obvious to me would be obvious to everyone else. This assumption kept me from sharing code publicly and prevented me from engaging in conference speaking. For at least two years, I noted public speaking as a goal in yearly reviews but never made serious attempts. Then, on January 1st, 2013, I resolved to change that and posted my intentions online for accountability.

00:16:19.840 A few weeks later, I had my first conference speaking opportunity at Big Ruby in Texas, a first-time event for both the conference and me. I am forever grateful to those conference organizers who gave me a shot. Ignoring that little voice of doubt led to incredible opportunities and amazing trips, including visiting Moscow and keynoting at various conferences. The most important part of those experiences was meeting new friends who have enriched my life.

00:17:44.800 This happened not because I possess any special ability, but because I chose to disregard the doubtful voice inside my head. I love this quote: 'We would worry less about what others think of us if we realized how seldom they do.' It became clear that the hayride and speaking opportunities had been connected; I avoided behaviors that felt inauthentic to who I am because of what others might think.

00:18:53.890 Though our patterns may be different, I promise that you will spend the rest of your life living with yourself. It may make sense to take some time to sort through these patterns. Agency is about having the power to shape the world around us in ways both large and small. It's compelling to note that being an agent is a characteristic we all possess, whether we recognize it or not.

00:19:59.239 Everything we do affects the world around us. Even unintentional actions can impact our surroundings. It's crucial to distinguish between genuine victimhood and acquired victim mentality. While there are people who genuinely become victims, I am discussing a learned trait where individuals feel they have no influence over situations.

00:22:22.770 As a counselor for about seven years, I’ve encountered people in various situations, and I frequently find little correlation between actual victimization and possessing a victim mentality. Often, those who feel powerless respond with passive-aggressive behavior.

00:22:36.210 There may be circumstances we can't control, but we should strive to look for choices we can make. It's vital to remind ourselves that we can't control events, but we can control our reactions. The important point is that you are an agent and agents make choices.

00:23:18.660 I'm guessing many of you will recognize the symbols of the Alliance and the Horde from Blizzard's MMO, World of Warcraft. I used to play extensively. At one point, I was ranking up to Grand Marshal, which required a minimum of eight hours of gameplay daily. I remember my first day at a new job, having had only two hours of sleep after a long honor grind.

00:25:03.990 My realization was that this gaming obsession was a coping mechanism for feeling stagnant in my job. We sometimes run out of time because we choose to be distracted; we fire up Slack, IRC, or browse social media during work hours instead of focusing on our tasks.

00:26:11.830 Making good choices is significant, but it is also essential to understand why we made them. The best wisdom comes from recognizing the choices we make often without realizing it and how our decisions influence our outcomes.

00:27:14.130 To wrap this up, I hope you all leave here today feeling determined to change at least one area of your life where you might have been less than intentional. When I built this presentation, there were numerous slides that didn't even get shown. So, did we choose wisely today? The real adventure lies in not knowing how the story will end.

00:28:52.510 As we wrap up, I know it's subjective to ask what the best slide you didn’t see might be. So here’s a fun fact: I had a chance to work at a startup for about six weeks, and yes, it was brief, but I took this picture with my friend when it was still exciting. Six weeks later, the company closed.

00:30:24.210 I love the notion that even in making choices, sometimes you don't end up as you might expect. Finally, has anyone got questions?

00:32:15.560 Counseling is a process where you engage in conversation with someone about their challenges or experiences. I perform this as part of outreach within my church, which is accessible to everyone, regardless of belief.

00:32:29.450 Regarding the tech I used to build this app, it's open-source. This application is written in Elixir, utilizing Phoenix and React. You can find it on my GitHub at Ernie/Venture. Thank you!

00:32:43.361 I have stickers, so feel free to come say hi. I promise I don't bite, although I might give you germs if I hug you. Free hugs, but beware of the germs.

00:32:50.000 Let's give another round of applause for Ernie Miller!

Ruby on Ales 2016