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Hi! Oh hi! Hey, thank you, Marty! I'm so excited that Ruby Central has announced.
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RailsConf is going to be held in Seattle next year, my hometown, so I don't have to drive the three hours to Portland.
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Alright, hold on a second. Wyatt, my computer fell asleep.
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Okay, there we go. So we have... One thing I need to take care of first.
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There's someone in the audience named Devin who brought his daughter's turtle, and he asked me to take a photo of it in front of all of you.
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So I'm going to do that now. But I would like you all to clap for the turtle because this is the turtle's biggest audience ever.
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The next thing is... Oh crap, hold on! I'm using up all my time.
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Hold on, I gotta get a cell. I'm trying to remember all of these.
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Okay, okay, now it's my turn! Yay! There's also a bingo card thing going around that I believe is unauthorized.
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But I'm going to read out a few of them here to see if we can get a bingo going! Let's see..<common backgrounds>.
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What an ungrateful bunch! I was born into the software community through the grace of open source, a land where milk and honey flow eternal.
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Any bingos yet? No? Okay! Alright, well I'll continue. I built some more of these into my talk.
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So hopefully you can get some—thank you for laughing, Evan! I can hear you laughing.
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Every year, it seems like David gives the very first keynote at RailsConf, and I end up giving the last keynote.
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Typically, my strategy for this talk is to get on stage and make fun of David and his Danish for Flint.
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But the problem is, I've been thinking back to myself: I do this every single year, but the issue is it doesn't scale.
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Any bingos yet? Ah, but I wanted to declare that this year is a jubilee year. This year, I will not make fun of David in my talk.
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So, I'd like you to forget all the things that I am not doing. Boy, okay?
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So, this year I decided to do something different. I decided to put all of my thoughts down on paper.
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Instead of standing around here rambling at you, I thought I'd try to do something a bit more thought-provoking. So, I wrote a script and I'm going to read it to you. Hold on.
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Shebang, slash user, slash bin, slash Ruby.
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Def fib parentheses n parentheses. If n is less than three, return one, else return fib open parentheses n minus one close parentheses plus fib open parentheses n minus two.
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Yes, that was my Ruby script! I actually make fun of David a lot on stage, but I really like him and admire him.
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The other day, I met with him at the speaker's dinner before the conference.
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I even got him to sign a copy of his book for me, and this is me getting a signature. I was very excited!
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Alright, let's actually start the presentation now. I am calling this talk: 'But at what cost?' Thank you, Eileen; she gave me the title.
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Yes, my name is Aaron Patterson. I'm really, really happy to be here in Minneapolis to give this talk to all of you.
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You could say that I'm very happy to be presenting to you live from here. I know there are like six people in the audience that get this joke, but they're very important.
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Anyway, I have a cat! His name is Gorbachev Gorbachev Puff-Puff Thunderhorse the Third.
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But it means he can't go outside; otherwise, he'll probably die since there's no way he can defend himself.
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This is my other cat, her name is Ono. She likes to stick her tongue out a lot.
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This is another photo of her; she sleeps next to me while I’m working.
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And I was like, how much is she sleeping? How deep is this sleep?
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So, honestly, it makes me a bit mad because I sit there working and she's just sleeping right next to me.
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I'm like, why am I working so hard?
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Anyway, I brought stickers of my cat, both of them!
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So if you would like a sticker of my cat, come say hello to me afterwards. I like to bring stickers because I know that people are shy and don’t know what to say to me.
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So you can ask for a sticker if you don't know what to say.
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Also, I am into Ruby programming. I also like taking selfies, and I’m a member of the Puget Sound Mycological Society.
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Yes, I am a mushroom hunter; it is true!
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So anyway, my name online is Tenderlove.
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If you don’t recognize me in person, this is my avatar. This is what I look like online.
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I was looking through my Twitter bio for my advertisement information, and one of the sections is: 'What are you known for?'
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I was very amused at what I'm known for. I’m known for software development and other things.
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I feel like 'other' maybe means puns, and if that’s the case, then I’ve really nailed the 'other' category.
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But I'm not totally sure.
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Speaking of Twitter, I want to tell you a story about how I accidentally made Twitter completely useless for myself.
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I use Twitter mostly to tell jokes online. I typically tweet tech stuff occasionally, but mostly it's just jokes.
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But Twitter can only get users to have one of two feelings: either anger or facepalming.
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I typically like to generate facepalms; that makes me really happy. I tell puns online and like to imagine someone reading it.
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They just go, 'Ugh...' and I just go, 'Yes!'
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People started responding to my puns by just saying my name: 'Aaron.' So every time I tweet a pun, this is all of my mentions.
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It's gotten to the point where if my friends tweet a pun, people will respond to them with just my name.
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One speaker here made a bot that responds to a certain percentage of my tweets just with 'Aaron.'