00:00:11
All right, so here's the deal about how Ignite Roulette works. If you're not familiar, an Ignite talk is a relatively simple format. It's a presentation with a set amount of time, let's say 5 minutes, and a set number of slides—let's use 20 slides as an example—that auto-advance every 15 seconds.
00:00:30
In a traditional Ignite talk, the presenter has planned their presentation and rehearsed it. The event ensures that they don't run over time. However, today we're doing something a little different. Today is a roulette format, meaning that everyone you see on my right has never seen the slides or has no idea what will happen.
00:00:54
I need your help for a couple of things. When I bring up our first contestant, you will all be the evaluators and judges today. I have selected volunteers, some of whom are seasoned speakers while others are brand new. Regardless of their experience, I hope you'll give them your total and unwavering support.
00:01:14
Now, one final requirement is when I call each contestant up individually, we need the loudest round of applause possible. Any good presentation ends with a standing ovation, right? So let's practice that standing ovation.
00:01:25
Louder! Let us hear it! Oh, you may sit. For our first contestant today, we have someone you may or may not have seen before. You probably have because he is one of the organizers of Ruby Central and this conference. I'd like to introduce our first contestant, Evan Phoenix. Please welcome Evan!
00:01:52
Evan, this is your mic. You're welcome to keep it on the stand or take it with you, however you prefer. You're in luck today! In front of you, there is a confidence monitor where you will see the slides happening behind you.
00:02:06
Here are the rules of the game: first, you cannot stop talking for more than five seconds. The slides will auto-advance every 10 seconds, but you are also unaware of what the subject is. So, I need help from you, the audience. Can someone give me a location in your home or office?
00:02:30
We’ve got the bathroom. Now, from someone else, what is one of your biggest frustrations in the bathroom?
00:02:39
It can't be about being out of shampoo. We have the bathroom and being out of shampoo. Now, Evan's task is to integrate both of these topics into his talk.
00:02:55
Let us begin! So, I'm in the desert—oh, is this not it? And here we go! Are we going? Yes, it’s happening!
00:03:21
There are times when I find myself in the bathroom, and when it’s slick, you might feel like you can slide across the tub. You think, 'I should really get that shampoo!' But it’s so slippery, and you just glide across, feeling like you could fly.
00:03:37
But when you reach for the shampoo, you find it’s empty. And you think to yourself, 'Well, road trip time!' So, I grab this empty shampoo bottle all ready to go and consider how to present myself. Should I go out as a kitten or an alligator?
00:03:53
I think to myself, 'What does my foot odor look like?' because I’ll be riding with my friends out to the store to get more shampoo. If my feet smell, it could be dangerous, right?
00:04:12
Sometimes when you're riding along, trying to get shampoo, everything is happening around you: sewing machines, ups and downs, and everything getting mixed up. You finally reach the drugstore and think, 'Finally, something’s going right!' because you've managed to get over the sleep-related injuries.
00:04:43
While you’re at the drugstore, you find yourself amidst graphs that make no sense, but you have interesting conversations with your friends about all these funny things happening.
00:05:07
At the store, you ask, 'Your hair is luscious! What shampoo do you use?' because, as I said, I’m out of shampoo.
00:05:30
You could also ask the man who was carrying a sewing machine, but I don't want his hair—yours is much better!
00:05:42
Well, now that I’ve shared my shampoo struggles, let’s talk about the biggest shampoo bottles in the store! I need something gigantic, like the largest bottle, to prevent any potential issues in the future.
00:06:05
As we leave the store, we might find that hoverbikes are indeed the best way to get your shampoo. Thank you so much, Evan!
00:06:27
That was so good! Thank you, Evan!
00:06:31
Now that was a tough act to follow, indeed! Our next contestant is someone who willingly volunteered.
00:06:45
I’d like to introduce Sara Jackson to the stage. Sara recently joined the Rubyist world after a tour teaching computer science!
00:07:02
Sara, where are you? Come on up!
00:07:09
Wonderful! Now, Sara, I need some help from the audience. Give me a common workplace injury.
00:07:36
Dungeons and Dragons! Great! Now, give me a fruit.
00:07:41
A banana! So, Dungeons and Dragons and bananas.
00:07:49
Sara, if you could give us your compelling and irresistible talk on Dungeons and Dragons and bananas. It will begin when you see this up on the screen... and go!
00:08:02
I mean, how can you resist, right? I was at work, and you know there are good DMs and bad DMs. I had a bad DM who brought a dog to our sessions.
00:08:25
This dog loved bananas! Trust me, this dog would eat bananas, and it would make your head explode.
00:08:45
Now, at work, the common workplace injuries might include getting hurt at the water cooler or being attacked by Legos or nerf guns.
00:09:02
But dogs eating bananas while maneuvering under your chair during your Dungeons & Dragons session? That’s a real issue, I tell you!
00:09:28
And four out of five of these dogs will unleash fart bombs everywhere. Did you know bananas have potassium?
00:09:43
You need to be wary of that potassium near your monitors! You might find yourself roundhouse kicking them because potassium is probably better in sandwiches.
00:10:05
My DM thought, 'Man, I’m a dog person, and this girl is a capper.' He decided to sabotage my every game by feeding his dog bananas!
00:10:25
So, as our class in this session went up linearly according to our height, I had to dance my way through as a halfling bard. I don’t make a lot of money, and what's the difference, right?
00:10:47
If I can't read and use a phone? It’s pen and paper versus people playing D&D on a laptop. But there's a big issue when we're connecting over Google Chat—it's not the same teamwork you get in person.
00:11:09
Now in California, they don't have this problem because they don’t drink Mountain Dew—their drinks are more about tea and sparkling water.
00:11:42
But am I the only one who fantasizes about jumping into a swimming pool full of jello during my D&D sessions, while avoiding the dog who is farting bananas everywhere?
00:12:00
Here’s a great picture of me as a halfling bard looking at my earnings because I’m so short. We've faced many challenges in our campaign, but somehow we manage!
00:12:18
Every session, despite the difficulties with the dog, we feel happy to have succeeded in our campaign.
00:12:33
I mean, it’s been a few years, but my DM might bomb a right bubble sort on a whiteboard. I don’t blame him—he just doesn’t do riddles!
00:12:58
Thank you all for your time. And please, don’t feed your dogs bananas!
00:13:20
Well, here we are. Time is ticking down, but worry not, friends. I would like to introduce our next contestant, a strong and valiant competitor.
00:13:32
This individual is known for speaking on topics such as humane appreciation. Recently, he’s discovered his ability to grow a great beard. Please welcome Ernie Miller!
00:13:56
Ernie, take it away!
00:14:03
I’m going to need a couple of prompts if you don't mind. Can someone give me an object in your house?
00:14:33
Shoes? Great! Now, what’s the problem with shoes and their laces?
00:14:46
Ernie, the floor is yours for your compelling presentation on shoes and the problem with laces.
00:14:56
You know, when I was younger, I had shoes with no laces. Velcro was all the rage! I've sometimes thought if we could eliminate laces, we might have more order in our lives.
00:15:24
It’s more organized that way. You could realistically leave them in your fridge, and in a pinch, tape would even work as a great alternative.
00:15:47
So, we could find harmony in a lace-free world! You could walk around without risks of tripping over.
00:16:05
It’s funny how some people live without shoes, living their best carefree life! So, laces become irrelevant. You could even use cables tied around your shoe instead!
00:16:25
New ideas on how to live shoe-less show that children probably just don’t eat enough dirt.
00:16:41
The lure of shoes is just a hindrance, and I’ll tell you—no one should ever have to worry about having laces!
00:17:01
You may think laces are necessary, but they are not—at the beach, you certainly aren't wearing shoes!
00:17:19
I have dined at Claudia Sanders’ dinner house, and guess what? They didn’t wear laces there either!
00:17:36
Thank you, everyone! It’s been fantastic!
00:18:11
However, here we are with another couple of volunteers and opportunities. Does anyone have anything they would like to present today?
00:18:27
Britni, does. Well then, Britni, come on down!
00:18:32
Let's give a hand for Britni! She has a compelling presentation to share!
00:18:51
So, Britni, do you have a topic you would like to present?
00:19:05
Teletubbies? Great!
00:19:10
My favorite Teletubby is Tinky-Winky. Some prefer Dipsy, but initially, they frolic in this beautiful meadow.
00:19:26
They’re very excited and sometimes the beautiful little Sun Baby comes out to greet them. The Teletubbies have these screens in their bellies, and sometimes babies appear eating tacos!
00:19:52
Now, I’m wearing very large pants today, not sure why that slide is here, but it’s okay. This man isn’t wearing pants and he likes Teletubbies.
00:20:06
This image is from a cut educational film that was part of an episode, but it caused some discomfort with the British audience.
00:20:24
They had to delete that episode due to negative feedback from children, so in later broadcasts, they replaced it with a film about sea cows!
00:20:52
Did you know that the number one dog of royalty is a spaniel?
00:21:09
Cats might think they are from a monarchy as well!
00:21:26
When you watch Teletubbies, the number of brain cells you have decreases over time, which might explain why there’s been a surge in toilet thefts since 1995.
00:21:47
At times, all four Teletubbies ride penny-farthings up and down hills toward the Sun. Fear of household appliances comes about because of the show!
00:22:05
However, the Teletubbies are often confused with the Wiggles—who are very different! The Wiggles sing about animals but don't dress up.
00:22:27
Finally, the next time you watch the Teletubbies, remember: it could be worse. You could get kicked by the Wiggles or attacked by a shark!
00:22:44
Or worse, don’t assume you can just put a monitor in your belly! Thanks for listening!
00:23:13
We are down to our final contestant, and I am surely looking forward to this individual. They have a captivating nature and a masterful flow.
00:23:29
So, without further ado, I would like to introduce our final contestant, Brandon Weaver!
00:23:47
Brandon, the stage is all yours!
00:24:00
As our closing keynote, it is such a place to be! From the back, what is the title of your favorite talk at this conference?
00:24:19
Louder! Thank you! So I’d like to introduce Brandon for his presentation!
00:24:33
Oh yes, sorbet! I love what Stripe is doing with Sorbet! It’s a remarkable concept of static typing in Ruby.
00:24:57
If I'm on stage with topics I can pun about, it can get messy—but puns earn my stripes!
00:25:14
Life is like a potato; it fries everything. It feels sad to have to jet as we wrap this up!
00:25:36
I mean, let’s hope nothing catches fire on the way here! It’s a recurring theme in my talks!
00:25:56
Static typing presents many fascinating challenges! Wouldn't it be neat to meet those involved in this?
00:26:19
Puns in programming are fantastic! Why should one have to worry about nothing if they’ve got a good connection?
00:26:39
Now, moving to RBS files—there are lots of interesting ideas behind this static typing problem!
00:27:00
Working with this can be challenging, but today was all about illuminating new wisdom!
00:27:20
Even if it was a bad pun, we just had a good time sharing thoughts today!
00:27:37
Let’s bring up all five contestants, and we can decide our winner!
00:27:56
So, I will start with a round of applause for each of our contestants! Starting with Evan Phoenix!
00:28:10
Next, Sara Jackson!
00:28:22
Let’s hear it for Ernie Miller!
00:28:34
Britni!
00:28:46
And finally, Brandon!
00:29:01
I think you're all winners in my mind! Thank you for coming!
00:29:11
Thank you so much! Here we are, out of time. I want to thank all of you for joining us over these last three days.
00:29:40
If this is your first Ruby conference, I hope you felt welcomed into our community.
00:29:54
Thank you, and a round of applause for everyone who made this possible!
00:30:05
My name is Adam Cuppy. I'm grateful to be part of your welcoming committee into the community, and I extend a big thanks to everyone who helped put this event together.
00:30:30
Please remember to give your honest feedback; it truly helps us improve.
00:30:46
Let’s give a wonderful second half of your afternoon, and thank you so much for allowing me to entertain you!
