Communicate Like You're Remote

Communication

Eric Tillberg

#emotional-intelligence

#workplace-culture

Communicate Like You're Remote

by Eric Tillberg

In the video "Communicate Like You're Remote," Eric Tillberg discusses the nuances of communication, particularly in remote work settings. The talk emphasizes the significance of consciously choosing between different modes of communication—speaking and writing—and how this choice impacts team dynamics and effectiveness. Tillberg draws from his experiences working with various teams to highlight the varying communications needs and outcomes in both remote and co-located environments.

Key Points:

Defining Communication Modes:
- The primary modes of communication are categorized as speaking (verbal) and writing (textual), with important distinctions noted regarding their context, permanence, and audience understanding.
Consequences of Poor Communication Modes:
- Failing to document written communications results in loss of information, leading to repetitions and miscommunications.
- Conversely, over-reliance on written communication without verbal engagement can lead to feelings of isolation among team members.
Analyzing Modes:
- Eric discusses how tools like GitHub and Slack fit into the spectrum of communication modes, identifying the inherent thinking styles reflected in their use. For instance, GitHub is primarily a written communication tool, while Slack operates in a more conversational context despite being written.
Practical Applications of Communication Modes:
- Tillberg suggests practical frameworks for determining whether to choose speaking or writing based on factors such as ambiguity, emotional context, and repetition. He encourages participants to be aware of their communication styles and to adapt their approaches according to the scenario.
Communication Aromas:
- He introduces the concept of "communication aromas"—indicators that suggest a more optimal communication approach, emphasizing the importance of trust and audience awareness.
Remote Work Insights:
- The final section of the talk centers on the remote work experience. Tillberg posits that both remote and in-office employees should adopt a mindset that respects the challenges of remote communication, advocating for organized writing and ensuring public versus private communications are considered appropriately.
Emotional Caretaking:
- Tillberg concludes with a reflection on emotional caretaking, stressing that effective communication is fundamental for fostering team relationships and not merely for technical interaction.

Takeaways:

Thoughtful communication choices can enhance team dynamics and individual emotional well-being. Teams should strive for a balance between written documentation and verbal interactions to maximize clarity and personal connection. Understanding the context and needs of communication can profoundly impact team effectiveness, especially in diverse working environments.

00:00:20.840 Good afternoon! Have you ever had an idea in your head that you wanted to put into someone else's head? Chances are, you have. This is called communication. We've all done it—and we've all done it a lot. Today, we are going to think about communication a little bit together. For me, communication is an evergreen idea of exploration because of the ambiguity and subjectivity involved in it. What one person thinks is effective communication may differ from another's opinion.

00:00:38.519 This talk represents my opinion on the modes of communication that we utilize. The genesis of this talk springs from my experience working on teams that are remote, co-located, and various combinations in between. I’ve seen teams work both effectively and not so effectively, and I would like to invite you to join me in exploring these observations and conclusions about modes of communication.

00:01:10.590 But first, let me introduce myself. My name is Eric Tillberg. This is a biography written by a friend many years ago. I worked for a company called T Comm, which is an architectural technology consultancy. In this company, I work primarily on a Rails app, mostly in the research and development department, but I also contribute in a few other areas.

00:01:37.950 The company's headquarters is based in Oakland, California. However, I live and work in Durham, North Carolina.

00:01:49.800 Before we jump right in, I’m going to quickly run through the roadmap of this talk. We're going to start by defining and adding nuance to the communication modes we are concerned with today. Next, we will discuss what can go wrong if we are unconscious of these modes or simply go with the flow. We'll use two different approaches to understand the communication modes: a more analytical approach and one based on practical rules of thumb.

00:02:24.180 After hearing some of this information, you might recall a time when you were speaking or writing to someone and felt the urge to change your behavior—change the way you communicate. We'll also talk about transitions between communication modes. Finally, we will conclude with a 'click bait' section, which is the grand apotheosis that you're all here for.

00:02:41.150 These are the two communication modes that concern me, and I believe they dominate our communication. These modes are speaking and writing. We can think of a spectrum ranging from the most spoken mode on the left to the most written mode on the right. I'll use these made-up terms a little more throughout the talk. While I won't define them yet, they'll become clearer as we continue.

00:03:06.220 For example, on the far left, we have actually speaking to people, which is clearly a spoken communication. Next, we have voicemail, another form of spoken communication, though asynchronous, making it less direct than pure speaking. Moving along, we come to SMS—it's a text-based system, yet it mimics spoken conversation—like a real-time chat.

00:03:30.549 Then there's email, which is a written communication but can still be conversational, especially when it involves a one-on-one correspondence. A README file stands in for documentation in general, which is clearly written, and, on the far right, we have a stack of books representing any final written document like a legal contract. This stack illustrates the most permanent written artifact.

00:03:55.239 Now, let's talk about two tools that I frequently use—Slack and GitHub—and see where they fit on this spectrum. We'll begin with GitHub, the source of ultimate truth for us. When we look at what features GitHub offers, we see issues, pull requests, milestones, and much more. The thinking style behind these communications is fundamentally written.

00:04:14.030 That makes intuitive sense; we are typing complete sentences to each other. Therefore, I'm going to position GitHub on the writing side of the spectrum. It’s somewhat more written than email but not quite as permanent as documentation itself.

00:04:49.960 Next, let’s turn our attention to Slack. What features does Slack provide? We have channels, emojis, and private messages, for example. The question remains: what's the thought process behind these features? I would argue that it is a spoken style of communication. While Slack is written in its medium, the thinking style resembles spoken communication.

00:05:06.630 Thus, it is situated nearer to the writing style. For instance, Slack's search function helps make it more like documentation. We have the ability to connect documents, giving a sense of permanency that feels more like written materials.

00:05:30.270 However, I typically use Slack in a more spoken manner, with greetings and short conversational snippets. Now we can revisit the spectrum posed as a question of how easily we can convert what we’re working with into documentation. Documentation is a central idea in this talk, and I believe it’s a worthwhile goal to strive for documentation by default, or at least get as close as we can.

00:05:49.560 Things on the far right are already effectively documentation, while those on the far left are the most challenging to convert into documentation. I'd like you to think about a time when communication went catastrophically or hilariously wrong. Reflect on whether that communication was spoken or written and how it may have changed if it had been the opposite.

00:06:26.510 Please turn to a neighbor—preferably one you don’t know—introduce yourself, and share your thoughts. I will give you a minute or two for this discussion. At the end of that time, I will mark the conclusion of your discussions with a round of applause for our amazing conference organizers! Thank you very much, and feel free to continue discussing afterwards if your conversations were engaging and insightful.

00:07:07.000 Now that we've shared our entertaining—and hopefully enlightening—stories about miscommunication, we will move on to the next section titled 'What Could Possibly Go Wrong?' I hope we're all convinced there’s a price to pay for choosing a suboptimal communication mode. We’re going to analyze two extremes: one where we write nothing down, and the other where we say nothing to each other. Examining these extremes could help us understand how things can go awry.

00:07:44.460 If we write nothing down, the obvious downside is deficient documentation. You will have team members repeating information, and messages getting lost or forgotten, leading to a situation where knowledge must be reinvented or decisions revisited. In this context, we can summarize the effects using a variant of the game of telephone.

00:08:02.300 Let’s imagine a technical decision is being discussed among a couple of teammates but no one is writing anything down. If the question emerges later, we may see clarifications necessary, such as which timezone is being used. However, with each iteration, lacking documentation can drive the information further from the original intention, making it difficult for team members to arrive at a shared understanding.

00:08:37.400 The first example hinges on access to information, which can be influenced by social dynamics. Team members may forget to invite others to meetings that are relevant to them. Some personality types can feel regularly out of the loop, as if excluded from an inner circle. By writing more and not only writing more but ensuring information is accessible, we can mitigate some of these social missteps.

00:09:05.340 Now let's reflect on the converse scenario: if everything is written and nothing is spoken, a sense of alienation may pervade a team. Sometimes, individuals may doubt they are interacting with real human beings. This alienation can lead to social losses and create an environment where individuals exist solely as avatars on a screen, conducting goal-oriented tasks without genuine interaction, which can feel dehumanizing.

00:09:49.060 If this scenario unfolds, it is essential to be mindful of the writing process. Writing more without organizing can become counterproductive, as clutter may lead individuals to devalue the important content among all that noise. It might give the impression that some documentation is outdated, failing to address current, pressing questions.

00:10:28.030 To address this, we need to ensure that we also engage in speaking. The problem is real. As we explore communication modes more deeply, we will characterize these modes—writing and speaking—and uncover what each excels at conveying in terms of content.

00:11:08.120 I would argue that writing is impersonal, while speaking tends to have a known audience. Writing can be read by anyone, but when you’re speaking, you typically know who you’re addressing. This scenario mirrors what we heard this morning from DHH, who stated, 'I may be speaking in my medium, but I convey a message through a piece of writing.' This highlights the complexity at play—there is no written document for the speech I am delivering.

00:11:55.090 To make my point even clearer, consider that this talk is being recorded. It embodies a permanence of writing. I do not actually know who my audience is, neither in this room nor for those watching at a later time. Furthermore, unlike dialogues in spoken conversations, this monologue lacks back-and-forth engagement.

00:12:41.130 Another fundamental difference between writing and speaking is that writing focuses on the literal meaning of words on a page, while spoken communication relies heavily on contextual cues such as body language, facial expression, and vocal tones. This explains why conveying sarcasm in writing can be challenging, leading some to feel the need to clarify their intentions through written indications.

00:13:24.480 Without these cues, much of spoken communication can become lost in translation, hence why a transcript of a conversation—if stripped of all non-verbal context—could be hard to understand. An extreme example is the difference a recording makes; without the visual and auditory context, certain speech may seem unintelligible.

00:14:05.450 Additionally, writing lends itself to permanence, while speaking is generally more ephemeral. Historical patterns suggest literate civilizations may have more power than those reliant on oral traditions—this is not a value judgment, merely an observation about the strengths associated with liquidity versus permanency.

00:14:53.030 Drawing conclusions, I posit that writing is better suited for technical decision-making, while speaking is more effective for emotional care and connection. This unravels the layers of communication modes into two categories: one for technicalities and the other for emotional engagement, which we will examine in greater detail as we progress.

00:15:43.420 These communication modes encompass all interactions, especially if we broaden emotional care to include a range of emotional expressions. We can visualize each mode as having axes or dials that adjust based on context. For instance, if we feel something should be permanent, we may want to write it down. However, unwritten contexts might urge us to communicate verbally.

00:16:37.090 Finding answers to these communication decisions can be challenging, as there is rarely a one-size-fits-all solution. Instead, we can consider the trade-offs and strive to compensate for what we lose in one communication mode by supplementing it with another.

00:17:08.510 Many people don’t naturally work on an analytical plane in daily communications. Therefore, I suggest considering rules of thumb that lean on familiar terms, akin to code smells in programming. Code smells are indicators of potential issues in code that may suggest deeper problems. I want to adapt this idea to form 'communication aromas'—subtle cues that indicate potential pitfalls in our interactions.

00:17:48.420 The good news is that we are generally better at communicating than coding. Like the first question I asked, we have been learning to communicate since infancy. It is ingrained in us, and I aim to enhance what we already do instinctively. However, I must stress the importance of exercising sound judgment when interpreting these communication aromas.

00:18:47.950 When engaging with others, be mindful of your audience—consider their perceived or actual power, their level of comfort, and your own. Trust is pivotal: without it, the ideal mode of communication may vary drastically from what I am suggesting.

00:19:18.420 With this in mind, let’s explore seven questions you can answer that might guide you toward the right communication mode. The first two relate directly to documentation. If you believe decisions have been reached, it’s ideal to create a document. Similarly, if someone is informing you—or if you are providing information—updating documentation is a valuable opportunity.

00:19:57.580 Next, if you encounter ambiguities, it could be beneficial to speak rather than write. Ambiguity may arise from a lack of shared context, prompting an exploration of your current understanding before proceeding with documentation.

00:20:36.480 The following two questions address repetition. It's essential to discern your reasons for reiterating information; if it's purely for documentation, guide them to it. However, if there's an emotional element at play—such as welcoming a new team member—speaking may be more appropriate, illustrating that you value their participation.

00:21:05.370 If either party feels something, consider the emotional dynamics involved, power dynamics, and how they could affect communication. Note-taking indicates that someone may be recording information; consider if they are likely just making notes for themselves rather than a more formalized document.

00:21:44.780 The final communication aroma prompt is all about the differentiation of teaching versus informing. Asking whether you are teaching someone or informing them of specific knowledge is vital. Teaching often encompasses broader knowledge, while informing relates to situational awareness. Your learning style will also impact your mode of communication; if your preferred style is verbal, ensure that matches the preference of the party you are communicating with.

00:22:34.210 Having gone through the communication aromas, think back to your interactions. If you recognize a better fit for a situation—such as wanting to transition from writing to speech—this could feel awkward, especially if the shift surprises the other party. I’ll now share insights on how to transition gracefully between modes.

00:23:13.130 First, if you're in a spoken conversation and want to write something instead, simply asking to take the conversation into a written mode can allow your colleague to participate comfortably. In doing so, you gently exit a spoken context and initiate a more documented approach.

00:23:46.700 This approach should lead to a GitHub issue or a similar tool that you can reference later. On the flip side, if you're in a written conversation and wish to pivot to speaking, be mindful and provide reasoning for why you think a conversation is beneficial. Being vague might shield you from discomfort while also helping ease the other party into the meeting.

00:24:24.030 For example, when discussing a pull request, if you identify a learning opportunity, don't hesitate to reach out and ask for a pairing session. This inquiry allows for a conversation where clarification occurs naturally. Post-discussion, if you feel there's relevant information that needs documenting, you can always bring the conversation back into writing for future reference.

00:25:00.490 Now that we've discussed transitions thoroughly, it’s time to get to the 'click bait' part of the presentation. Yes, this talk is about remote work, and I appreciate the reminder! Let’s quickly recap what we've examined. We've delved into the hyper-analytical approach—though perhaps not practical for daily life—and introduced communication aromas, which point toward useful practices.

00:25:38.420 Instead of weighing down communication with an exhaustive set of questions, I propose a straightforward solution: pretend to be remote. If you're remote, embrace that environment; if not, respect those who are. This mindset offers key advantages without the accompanying cognitive load. However, we recognize that excessive emphasis on writing may emerge as a drawback of this perspective.

00:26:19.360 In remote settings, writing more could lead to disorganized documentation, hence the need for better organization. Another point is that remote work often opens a door to public chat opportunities, such as messages sent via Slack. Think about how you might communicate verbally in person—would you stand up at your desk and shout a message to your team?

00:27:07.220 This consideration reflects how much more freedom there is in a written environment, allowing teams to gauge their interactions differently. However, we should also be cautious about private messages; instead, defaulting to public communications can lead to information sharing that benefits everyone involved.

00:27:57.410 The threading feature in tools like Slack enables semi-private conversations without losing sight of public context. Even when discussing trivial greetings, these informal exchanges serve the same purpose as professional handshakes—offering warmth and connections in everyday interactions.

00:28:41.260 Throughout our work, everything we create or produce is, or should be, in the service of love. This carries through to our code, our products, and the relationships we cultivate. Ironically, while permanent communication—such as documentation—may feel more critical, it ultimately carries less significance than ephemeral conversations.

00:29:26.130 The communication artifacts serve as tools, while the heart of our work lies in the emotional care we extend toward one another. I acknowledge that not enough attention has been spent on emotional caretaking in this talk, as I have focused on the technical aspects.

00:30:05.470 Thus, I hope thoughtfully selecting your communication mode will open pathways for you to engage in emotional caregiving more purposefully. Our modes of communication are tools to foster openness, honesty, and care.

00:30:28.530 I hope this discussion has sparked awareness in how we approach communication. The decision rests with each of us to traverse through essential interactions in our lives thoughtfully. And finally, I would love to pose one last question: Would you please raise your hand if you're tired of Comic Sans?

RailsConf 2019