00:00:25.119
We all play games. Not video games, but the 'games' of communication and power between humans.
00:00:27.200
Even the most rational of us may be unaware of the drivers of our behavior and the impact it has on our ability to work well with others. In this talk, we will explore how an awareness of our state of mind, our biases, and the dynamics of human communication can help us understand each other, ourselves, and build better software.
00:01:09.550
Imagine a lunch setting in Yorkshire, England, where senior Ruby developers sit down to eat meat pies while discussing their jobs. One developer expresses frustration, reflecting on how when they started, they had to tackle algorithms with just a pencil, while newcomers now glide into their cushy jobs, comfortably skipping foundational struggles. The conversation highlights a generational gap, emphasizing the importance of solid programming fundamentals and the challenges posed by modern frameworks. The older developer reminisces about writing binary by hand for hours, lamenting the ease with which newer talent seems to glide through their roles.
00:02:41.240
As we delve deeper, we face the question of whether our species, Homo sapiens, truly embodies wisdom. Observing the behavior of leaders in our countries, we can question their wisdom and reflect on our own industry practices. Renowned psychologist Jonathan Haidt introduces a metaphor for understanding the human mind, illustrating how our reasoning often serves to justify our emotional instincts rather than uncover objective truths. While we may believe we seek objective truth, our rational minds can resemble PR consultants, reshaping information to fit our narratives.
00:03:05.220
In our professional interactions, there are times when we find ourselves in varied psychological states: Parent, Adult, and Child, as described by transactional analysis. These are not permanent mindsets but rather temporary realities we experience in our communications. For instance, Luigi, a new team member, seeks approval from a senior engineer, Oscar, for a bug fix. As they navigate this interaction, feelings of annoyance arise due to prior unresolved issues. While Oscar initially commits to helping, the review process reveals underlying emotional conflicts that distort the interaction. It's a delicate balance of power, where the roles of parent and child are not easily discarded.
00:04:22.510
Oscar’s demeanor can shift dramatically based on the dynamics at play, oscillating between a nurturing guide and a punitive authority figure. This inconsistency creates an environment of fear and apprehension for junior developers like Nadia. Sharing personal experiences, I recount times when I transitioned from someone seeking approval to becoming the one providing feedback, navigating my place in the power dynamic. It’s essential to recognize these roles both in ourselves and others to facilitate healthier communication.
00:05:57.940
Transactional analysis further explores the drama triangle, a model illustrating how we often engage in unproductive interactions in professional settings. The roles of Victim, Persecutor, and Rescuer emerge in our conversations, often perpetuated by emotional discontent. Understanding why we fall into these roles is essential for breaking patterns and fostering more constructive exchanges. By identifying these dynamics, we can endeavor to act from a place of awareness rather than emotional reaction.
00:07:12.090
Haidt’s principles provide guidance as we navigate the social currents of our offices. We must learn to engage as responsible Adults, managing our inner Parent and Child. During an exchange, the roles can easily shift, leading us into cycles of conflict or disengagement, potentially stunting team growth and productivity. Being cognizant of these role shifts can guide us to approach issues with empathy rather than judgment.
00:08:12.280
Observing these interactions firsthand, I've found that the repetitive nature of such games hinges on past emotional experiences. Recognizing these behavioral patterns enables us to avoid unnecessary conflicts, fostering healthier relationships at work. As we work on defining our own narratives, it’s crucial to resist the temptation to automatically engage in blame or defensiveness.
00:09:24.450
We may wrestle with our sense of self within these dynamics, questioning whether we are indeed rational beings capable of measured thought. Examining ourselves through this lens can help clarify our motivations. Additionally, being mindful of our emotional impulses can assist us in refraining from reacting destructively during stressful moments at work.
00:10:39.510
Knowing these dynamics enhances our ability to resolve conflicts, making us better teammates, developers, and human beings. Projecting our rational selves onto software development can provide a comforting illusion; however, we must acknowledge the rich tapestry of humanity that underpins our teams and the shared experiences that shape our responses.
00:11:49.090
As we interact with our colleagues, we should strive to uphold the health of the team dynamic, consciously stepping beyond traditional games and embracing a more collaborative tone. Building awareness of our emotional worlds equips us to manage teams that challenge the status quo and cultivate a creative workspace.
00:12:55.190
Moving forward, I encourage each of you to take a moment for self-reflection amidst the chaos. Shifting the narrative away from feeling like a victim allows us to contribute positively to the professional tapestry we create together.
00:14:03.320
Our conversations need to foster understanding and exchange, avoiding the traps of anxiety and frustration that often lead to unproductive encounters. It is essential to step back, take a breath, and inquire how each individual in the interaction can explore their emotional landscape consciously.
00:15:53.075
As we explore the interplay between our emotional states and our professional behavior, remember that the lessons learned here can aid all aspects of our lives. We are not merely shorts in a sport but functioning dynamically in a web of relationships that require continual nurturing.
00:16:49.040
With this newfound understanding, take steps to embrace your own emotions while granting yourself permission to seek constructive feedback from your peers. Building a resilient mindset isn't solely about others; it’s largely an internal journey, one that allows us to navigate conflicting feelings better.
00:17:55.040
Let's strive to create a culture that values communication and clarity, recognizing our shared humanity amidst the technical challenges. To be a successful software engineer requires us to engage thoughtfully with our collaborative environments, using this understanding to guide us towards a more harmonious workplace.
00:18:50.040
In closing, remember to find space, nourish your emotional intelligence, and contribute positively to the vibrant culture and ethos of your organization. Together, we can redefine how we approach software development as a shared journey, navigating the complexities of both code and human connection.
00:19:43.040
Thank you for your time, and I look forward to our continued dialogue.
